I'm sorry I took this long to come back here, but I decided to take some time to calm down and think about things before writing any replies or follow ups.
I'm immensely grateful for everyone's support here! :) I probably don't know any of you and yet it feels amazing that so many people care.
I've figured that my work environment is the biggest issue in my life right now. The interview experience was just the trigger to my reaction. But I've realized that I work in an environment where there's as much of a daily dick swinging contest as in those interviews, so I didn't just feel inadequate for failing an interview, I feel inadequate daily when I let the nerd lording get to me.
I see two options: either quit or try to be stronger where I am right now. I decided to give the second option a try before quitting. For the past few days I've been more vocal and trying to stand my ground a little more. It's going to be hard, but I want to give this a shot.
And to everyone who recommended that I get professional help: yes, this is past due. Working on it!
I'm immensely grateful for everyone's support here! :) I probably don't know any of you and yet it feels amazing that so many people care.
I've figured that my work environment is the biggest issue in my life right now. The interview experience was just the trigger to my reaction. But I've realized that I work in an environment where there's as much of a daily dick swinging contest as in those interviews, so I didn't just feel inadequate for failing an interview, I feel inadequate daily when I let the nerd lording get to me.
I see two options: either quit or try to be stronger where I am right now. I decided to give the second option a try before quitting. For the past few days I've been more vocal and trying to stand my ground a little more. It's going to be hard, but I want to give this a shot.
And to everyone who recommended that I get professional help: yes, this is past due. Working on it!