Ask HN: What's your self-care routine?
Like most I'm on a constant journey of Looking After Myself. These days this includes running, strength training, spending time with friends and family, something resembling meditation, fasting, drawing, eating well, and more. I'm wondering what individuals do to care for their physical and mental health without it becoming a full time job. What are your routines, hacks and rituals?
29 comments
File away for when you get older. :-)
I'm approaching 75 (Hello to all HN'ers who built S-100 home computers.) and my hobbies are mainly piano -- yes, you can improve with age and practice, --- photography --- I live on a ridge with fantastic views, manzanitas all over and rock walls to (almost) climb, --- and hiking (it's a ridge, remember?)
Also chainsawing branches that snapped in the previous winter storms, or which have blocked my hiking paths --- which I created by chainsaw and loppers (great for the biceps).
My "meditation" is chanting and studying the Lotus Sutra (it's emancipating!).
Meals for one are very hard to balance. I try.
Playing piano really is a big mental challenge for me, as I try pieces just short of concert level. I believe that it helps keep me sharp.
It is great that you spend time with friends and family. Distance gets in the way of that, as friends and family are at least 50 miles away.
I have been an amateur photographer for over 50 years, and photography can make you much more observant and tuned in to nature, a great connection to make. Beats hugging trees, which might have poison oak vines circling them. (They often do.) I used a 24-1000 mm (effective) little Coolpix for over 10 years before going mirrorless. It got me up-close and pulled in distant details (and birds). Still does. It's artistic!
I guess that the overall approach is being "in tune".
Hope this helps!
I'm approaching 75 (Hello to all HN'ers who built S-100 home computers.) and my hobbies are mainly piano -- yes, you can improve with age and practice, --- photography --- I live on a ridge with fantastic views, manzanitas all over and rock walls to (almost) climb, --- and hiking (it's a ridge, remember?)
Also chainsawing branches that snapped in the previous winter storms, or which have blocked my hiking paths --- which I created by chainsaw and loppers (great for the biceps).
My "meditation" is chanting and studying the Lotus Sutra (it's emancipating!).
Meals for one are very hard to balance. I try.
Playing piano really is a big mental challenge for me, as I try pieces just short of concert level. I believe that it helps keep me sharp.
It is great that you spend time with friends and family. Distance gets in the way of that, as friends and family are at least 50 miles away.
I have been an amateur photographer for over 50 years, and photography can make you much more observant and tuned in to nature, a great connection to make. Beats hugging trees, which might have poison oak vines circling them. (They often do.) I used a 24-1000 mm (effective) little Coolpix for over 10 years before going mirrorless. It got me up-close and pulled in distant details (and birds). Still does. It's artistic!
I guess that the overall approach is being "in tune".
Hope this helps!
> Playing piano really is a big mental challenge for me, as I try pieces just short of concert level. I believe that it helps keep me sharp.
My grandmother lived to be 99, and she was sharp right up til the end. She was a violinist, first chair in a couple orchestras. She practiced every day well into her 90s, and also thought it kept her sharp.
That, and "working her puzzles," which were word puzzles. She was the best I ever saw at cryptograms, and loved crosswords and even simple word searches.
She was born in 1918, and she lived long enough to send me 20 years worth of emails.
See you around, old timer.
My grandmother lived to be 99, and she was sharp right up til the end. She was a violinist, first chair in a couple orchestras. She practiced every day well into her 90s, and also thought it kept her sharp.
That, and "working her puzzles," which were word puzzles. She was the best I ever saw at cryptograms, and loved crosswords and even simple word searches.
She was born in 1918, and she lived long enough to send me 20 years worth of emails.
See you around, old timer.
My Mom was born in 1918! Music is wonderful to hear and even better to play. It puts one in exactly the same situation as a great performer or composer.
We are both very fortunate!
We are both very fortunate!
I so enjoyed reading this! It makes me realise there is still so much joy to be had in growing older.
How did you get into chanting? It sounds like fun. Any resources you can recommend?
Funny, I never chanted until recently. I liked the Chant of Metta, partly because someone set it to nice music. It's actually quite lovely.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCT4xGZR3_o
Pali-only version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4PtZMBDRf8
SGI members chant "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo", which is the name of the Lotus Sutra. The idea behind this short chant is to encapsulate the liberative message of the Sutra and to bring forth the "Buddha Inside".
More here, if you're interested:
https://www.sgi-usa.org/2022/08/07/nam-myoho-renge-kyo/
These are the only ones I am familiar with.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCT4xGZR3_o
Pali-only version:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e4PtZMBDRf8
SGI members chant "Nam Myoho Renge Kyo", which is the name of the Lotus Sutra. The idea behind this short chant is to encapsulate the liberative message of the Sutra and to bring forth the "Buddha Inside".
More here, if you're interested:
https://www.sgi-usa.org/2022/08/07/nam-myoho-renge-kyo/
These are the only ones I am familiar with.
Are you an SGI member? How did you get into studying the lotus sutra?
Yes. Long journey. Shortest version goes:I read everything for decades. Including the koan about Vimilakirti's "Thundering Silence". Ran into freebuddhistaudio. Intrigued by the Vimilakirti lectures.
Sangharakshita mentioned the "White Lotus Sutra". Not knowing anything about it, I wondered if there was a blue lotus sutra or a pink lotus sutra. No. Just the one. I had honestly not heard of it in all those years! I listened to his talk on the parables and symbols in it. I downloaded these to an iPod, which was great for long drives.
Wanted to know more. So I went to my spiritual provider, Half Price Books, and found "Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism" by Richard Causton, former head of SGI UK, and the first volume of "Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra" by Daisaku Ikeda.
These were really revolutionary compared to all I had previously read. I moved to the boondocks after a divorce and it was scary at the outset with pumps failing, pipes freezing and storms howling. They helped me cope.
After a while I really felt that the only way the world is going to break out of its endless cycle of hate, war, and retribution is through human revolutions, one person at a time, so I looked for a Buddhist group "nearby". Apple Maps said Fresno, 50 miles away, so I joined in order to practice with a group working for the same goal.
I am especially intrigued by the "Innumerable Meanings" prequel to the Sutra, which most people gloss over. But Mr. Toda didn't, and I can see why.
That was a very long journey to the Lotus Sutra, essentially on my own. I had never heard of it, nor SGI, for ages.
Revolutionary aspects are mentioned here:
https://web.archive.org/web/20200918222548/https://sokahuman...
But to me, the notion of Bodhisattvas voluntarily taking on karma and returning to earth really struck home. It's Vimilakitri's "illness" and even Neal Donald Walsch mentions the idea of returning to earth rather than escaping it, though I can't find that reference.
The fact that there are similar ideas in physics matters to me. Some are referred to in the Indra's Net analogy.
http://www.heartspace.org/misc/IndraNet.html
The net effect, in short, is greater purpose and meaning in life. That made the long, lonely journey worthwhile.
Thank you for asking.
Sangharakshita mentioned the "White Lotus Sutra". Not knowing anything about it, I wondered if there was a blue lotus sutra or a pink lotus sutra. No. Just the one. I had honestly not heard of it in all those years! I listened to his talk on the parables and symbols in it. I downloaded these to an iPod, which was great for long drives.
Wanted to know more. So I went to my spiritual provider, Half Price Books, and found "Nichiren Shoshu Buddhism" by Richard Causton, former head of SGI UK, and the first volume of "Wisdom of the Lotus Sutra" by Daisaku Ikeda.
These were really revolutionary compared to all I had previously read. I moved to the boondocks after a divorce and it was scary at the outset with pumps failing, pipes freezing and storms howling. They helped me cope.
After a while I really felt that the only way the world is going to break out of its endless cycle of hate, war, and retribution is through human revolutions, one person at a time, so I looked for a Buddhist group "nearby". Apple Maps said Fresno, 50 miles away, so I joined in order to practice with a group working for the same goal.
I am especially intrigued by the "Innumerable Meanings" prequel to the Sutra, which most people gloss over. But Mr. Toda didn't, and I can see why.
That was a very long journey to the Lotus Sutra, essentially on my own. I had never heard of it, nor SGI, for ages.
Revolutionary aspects are mentioned here:
https://web.archive.org/web/20200918222548/https://sokahuman...
But to me, the notion of Bodhisattvas voluntarily taking on karma and returning to earth really struck home. It's Vimilakitri's "illness" and even Neal Donald Walsch mentions the idea of returning to earth rather than escaping it, though I can't find that reference.
The fact that there are similar ideas in physics matters to me. Some are referred to in the Indra's Net analogy.
http://www.heartspace.org/misc/IndraNet.html
The net effect, in short, is greater purpose and meaning in life. That made the long, lonely journey worthwhile.
Thank you for asking.
That's really fascinating. I grew up in the SGI, but it's rare to meet people who converted to Buddhism through such interesting and circuitous routes as you have. Thank you for sharing
This is how I handle bad days, especially when I'm feeling overwhelmed or just need time to get over something.
- Shut everything down. I'll log out of social media, block doomscrolling with SelfControl, shut down my laptop and put it in a drawer. I'll set a vacation responder and update my contact page to say that I'm on vacation. I'll tell people that I have a lot on my plate and that projects and meetings will have to wait.
- Take yourself on a date. I'll go to my special places, do the things that I like, and eat my favourite foods. Whatever would be considered a great date if someone else set it up.
- Sweat the small stuff. I'll get the fancy ingredients and make something good. I'll light candles and make the good tea. I'll set the lighting just right, put some good music on and run myself a bath. I'll pack a picnic and bike to my favourite spot, and make sure to pack tea and a blanket. The little rituals matter.
- Reset. I'll repack my luggage (on the road), tidy up my flat, or do anything necessary to get a clean slate and a sense of being in control. It's crazy how a shower and a fresh shave can clear your head.
- Nature. There's something about being in the forest that makes me feel happy and at ease. There's no explaining it. Fresh air, sunlight and trees just work.
- Shut everything down. I'll log out of social media, block doomscrolling with SelfControl, shut down my laptop and put it in a drawer. I'll set a vacation responder and update my contact page to say that I'm on vacation. I'll tell people that I have a lot on my plate and that projects and meetings will have to wait.
- Take yourself on a date. I'll go to my special places, do the things that I like, and eat my favourite foods. Whatever would be considered a great date if someone else set it up.
- Sweat the small stuff. I'll get the fancy ingredients and make something good. I'll light candles and make the good tea. I'll set the lighting just right, put some good music on and run myself a bath. I'll pack a picnic and bike to my favourite spot, and make sure to pack tea and a blanket. The little rituals matter.
- Reset. I'll repack my luggage (on the road), tidy up my flat, or do anything necessary to get a clean slate and a sense of being in control. It's crazy how a shower and a fresh shave can clear your head.
- Nature. There's something about being in the forest that makes me feel happy and at ease. There's no explaining it. Fresh air, sunlight and trees just work.
My name is Patrick Bateman. I’m 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself, and a balanced diet and a rigorous exercise routine. In the morning, if my face is a little puffy, I’ll put on an ice pack while doing my stomach crunches. I can do a thousand now. After I remove the ice pack I use a deep pore cleanser lotion. In the shower I use a water activated gel cleanser, then a honey almond body scrub, and on the face an exfoliating gel scrub. Then I apply an herb-mint facial masque which I leave on for 10 minutes while I prepare the rest of my routine. I always use an after shave lotion with little or no alcohol, because alcohol dries your face out and makes you look older. Then moisturizer, then an anti-aging eye balm followed by a final moisturizing protective lotion. There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman. Some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me. Only an entity. Something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours, and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
* Lifting at the gym
* Supplements. Omega 3, Vit D, Vit B12, Iron, Zinc, creatine
* Eating mostly fresh whole foods. I get a fresh vegetable box delivered once a week and that makes up most of my meals.
* Skincare. Primarily SPF, tretinoin, vitamin C. And a basic moisturizer.
* Sleep. Try to get at least 8 hours and try not to compromise on this for work anymore. If I finish work late one night, I'll be in later the next morning.
* Writing fiction. Similarly to the reason I got into programming, writing fiction helps me get all the crazy worlds and ideas out of my head and into something real. It is very hard, but when I have a finished manuscript in my hand it's like a cathartic experience.
* Therapy. I've been going weekly for a few months now and it has made a not entirely definable but very real difference in my view of the world, myself, and my relationships. It's a long process of self-discovery, which has always been very important to me. At some point last year I just realized I did as much discovering as I could on my own and needed someone else's help to keep going.
* Meditation attempts have failed. The closest I can come to meditation is putting on my planar headphones and listening to music in bed for 1-2 hours.
* Reading fiction. I love to read, and reading fiction brings me joy. It's the perfect activity that feels just the right balance of relaxing, creative, and still somewhat productive.
* Supplements. Omega 3, Vit D, Vit B12, Iron, Zinc, creatine
* Eating mostly fresh whole foods. I get a fresh vegetable box delivered once a week and that makes up most of my meals.
* Skincare. Primarily SPF, tretinoin, vitamin C. And a basic moisturizer.
* Sleep. Try to get at least 8 hours and try not to compromise on this for work anymore. If I finish work late one night, I'll be in later the next morning.
* Writing fiction. Similarly to the reason I got into programming, writing fiction helps me get all the crazy worlds and ideas out of my head and into something real. It is very hard, but when I have a finished manuscript in my hand it's like a cathartic experience.
* Therapy. I've been going weekly for a few months now and it has made a not entirely definable but very real difference in my view of the world, myself, and my relationships. It's a long process of self-discovery, which has always been very important to me. At some point last year I just realized I did as much discovering as I could on my own and needed someone else's help to keep going.
* Meditation attempts have failed. The closest I can come to meditation is putting on my planar headphones and listening to music in bed for 1-2 hours.
* Reading fiction. I love to read, and reading fiction brings me joy. It's the perfect activity that feels just the right balance of relaxing, creative, and still somewhat productive.
What a complete view of what one should strive for.
I know this is not possible all the time, but it is a nice goal
Mostly physical at this point. I am lacking in the reading/meditation/relationships, for sure, need to step up my game.
* Monday: Run 4 miles
* Tuesday: 1 hour strength/weights, 20 min on stationary bike (6.2 miles)
* Wednesday: Run 4 miles
* Thursday: 1 hour strength/weights, 20 min on stationary bike (6.2 miles)
* Friday: Run 4 miles
- Get up and drink 500ml cold water.
- 40 min meditation, energy expanding exercises.
- 500ml more water and some suppliments (zinc, magnesium, 1gr vitamin C...) and go do 40 to 60min cardio in bike or elliptic (often using iPad learning stuff).
- Back to start the productive day coffee , black (no sugar of course), still fasting.
- So intermitent fasting every day of at least 14h. Break fast with protein at lunch, low in carbs.
- Work.
- Train weighlifting, as much to failure as possible ~1:30h + 30min low cardio (this 5 times a week).
- Clean post train.
- Do not break diet at dinner.
If you build it, gains will come.
- 40 min meditation, energy expanding exercises.
- 500ml more water and some suppliments (zinc, magnesium, 1gr vitamin C...) and go do 40 to 60min cardio in bike or elliptic (often using iPad learning stuff).
- Back to start the productive day coffee , black (no sugar of course), still fasting.
- So intermitent fasting every day of at least 14h. Break fast with protein at lunch, low in carbs.
- Work.
- Train weighlifting, as much to failure as possible ~1:30h + 30min low cardio (this 5 times a week).
- Clean post train.
- Do not break diet at dinner.
If you build it, gains will come.
So 2 hours at gym 5 times a week? You must be swol as Odin.
My routine seems to be "ignore everything until I can't anymore." Most of the time I'm so spent doing what's required of me each day that I just sink into a low-power mode until I'm needed again. Which is pretty often...so I don't have much free time for self care. No amount of sleep I get seems to change how much energy I have, my joints and back are in terrible shape (genetics) so I can't do much exercise, and I often feel guilty whenever I enclose myself into my own little world with music or gaming because my son wants to be a part of my life.
What has been the best for my mental health has been reconnecting with my faith life and converting to Catholicism. Generally I just get the impression no matter where I go I just have to make myself available for whatever God needs me to do. So me making plans tends to not matter in the end lol
What has been the best for my mental health has been reconnecting with my faith life and converting to Catholicism. Generally I just get the impression no matter where I go I just have to make myself available for whatever God needs me to do. So me making plans tends to not matter in the end lol
SAD light therapy lamp straight to the balls for 30 minutes a day. I work from home so I can have it on under the desk whilst on zoom calls. People just think the brightness is a ring light out of shot.
Going for a walk ever morning I think helped me the most. Getting sun in my eyes helps with sleep and I wake up less tired.
I also meditate and try and be mindful during the day.
I recently found something to help me be more disciplined. There's evidence it works and I will see if it works for me as I just did the exercise today.
https://woopmylife.org/en/home
I also meditate and try and be mindful during the day.
I recently found something to help me be more disciplined. There's evidence it works and I will see if it works for me as I just did the exercise today.
https://woopmylife.org/en/home
Journaling.
Giving myself the ability to take notes on how I'm feeling has helped me discover the negative patterns and reason about them with more clarity.
Ive made a ritual of it, I go to my local cafe and write. Maybe I write a few lines or several pages, I try not to be dogmatic about it. I think this lowers the activation energy: I don't expect to write anything revolutionary but rather to simply express my current state.
I guess you can think of it as a separation of logic and state! You're writing down your emotional state and then reflecting on it. Somehow when it's written down it's much easier to reason about, similar to how people give better advice to their friends than to themselves.
Giving myself the ability to take notes on how I'm feeling has helped me discover the negative patterns and reason about them with more clarity.
Ive made a ritual of it, I go to my local cafe and write. Maybe I write a few lines or several pages, I try not to be dogmatic about it. I think this lowers the activation energy: I don't expect to write anything revolutionary but rather to simply express my current state.
I guess you can think of it as a separation of logic and state! You're writing down your emotional state and then reflecting on it. Somehow when it's written down it's much easier to reason about, similar to how people give better advice to their friends than to themselves.
Some simple but strict rules that help me are
- No food before noon
- No alcohol on my own
- No coffee before spending at least 5 minutes outside in daylight
- No driving to work (cycling or walking only)
- Cold showers only
Some more I've tried and would like to stick to more, but they seem too difficult and I keep lapsing after a few weeks:
- TV/Netflix only while stretching
- Work only after a gym workout
- Drink a pint of water before each cup of coffee
- No food before noon
- No alcohol on my own
- No coffee before spending at least 5 minutes outside in daylight
- No driving to work (cycling or walking only)
- Cold showers only
Some more I've tried and would like to stick to more, but they seem too difficult and I keep lapsing after a few weeks:
- TV/Netflix only while stretching
- Work only after a gym workout
- Drink a pint of water before each cup of coffee
Why only cold showers?
I walk to either the gelato shop, or cake shop, on a Friday night, and partake in one or the other. Love is measured in coffee cups and dessert.
Vegan Tai Chi Dance and make stuff.
Klonopin as needed.
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