And you just used "i.e." incorrectly. Congratulations.
Hey snakedoctor! You're probably not a sociopathic, autistic, illiterate narcissist like everyone here is telling you. For one, your writing is just fine, and beyond that any of your bad decisions can simply be explained by youth and (understandable) desperation.
I would suggest staying away from HN for life advice. People here might have some money but, aside from that, they are mostly low-intelligence failures.
Maybe we could recommend a path that does not include indiscriminant murder overseas?