How I lost my fear of flying (2011)(fsgworkinprogress.com)
fsgworkinprogress.com
How I lost my fear of flying (2011)
https://fsgworkinprogress.com/2011/01/16/mario-vargas-llosa-how-i-lost-my-fear-of-flying/
44 comments
I got over fear of flying (and actually liking flying although I do not want to do it anymore for the environment) by getting a job which got me travelling between different EU countries, HK and AU multiple times a month. I hardly ever flew before that because I was deadly afraid but after 10 flights or so I started to enjoy it. At the end (the end was when covid hit), I was looking forward to a nice quiet long haul to get some reading done.
I thought I could get rid of my fear of heights (different than planes; planes are too high; I never cared about that) the same way; I tried just going to uncomfortably high up and walking over ravine bridges and stuff; I freeze and cannot move at all. I got an Oculus Quest 2 recently and in games like the climb etc I am standing in my living room but I am completely into mortal panic; I cannot get my brain to accept this is fake and there is no drop. I am not really bothered by it, however I do think fear of heights will be with me until I die.
A positive thing is; because of this fear, the Quest is far more realistic than it is for friends who do not have that fear. My brain is immediately into realism and actually thinking I am physically in danger which makes the Quest experience far nicer for me than for others.
I thought I could get rid of my fear of heights (different than planes; planes are too high; I never cared about that) the same way; I tried just going to uncomfortably high up and walking over ravine bridges and stuff; I freeze and cannot move at all. I got an Oculus Quest 2 recently and in games like the climb etc I am standing in my living room but I am completely into mortal panic; I cannot get my brain to accept this is fake and there is no drop. I am not really bothered by it, however I do think fear of heights will be with me until I die.
A positive thing is; because of this fear, the Quest is far more realistic than it is for friends who do not have that fear. My brain is immediately into realism and actually thinking I am physically in danger which makes the Quest experience far nicer for me than for others.
Congratulations for overcoming a fear that was holding you back! That is a huge achievement and you should be proud of what you did for yourself.
What kind of job did you have that had so much travel? Does it still exist in a post-covid world?
We sold software and hardware to banks and our clients were in Asia and Europe. The company still exists; upper management found out what I have been saying since I was a kid in the 80s sitting behind my first (300 baud) modem; no more travel needed. Turns out this sitting around the same table was not needed at all for sales or otherwise. It was fun though but tiring (and stupid for the environment and the uselessness but my colleagues simply did not believe this until this year...).
I flew enough as a child and then with my first job to be comfortable with flying. Never really considered fear. Then I took a flight back from Vegas to NYC and it ended up in an emergency state as both hydraulic systems were lost on takeoff [1]. It was fascinating to experience fear creep into the physical environment. Fear of the unknown as we all heard the obviously-bad noise during takeoff. You could tell we were flying in circles above the desert.
The crew did not communicate anything for a long time, so imaginations took over. That was the worst part, the inciting incident.
Then one passenger started freaking out. Then another. It snowballed so quickly. Crying, screaming, drinking, trying to call loved ones. The college-aged girl in front of me was in tears and the older man next to her held her as if he were her father. My buddy seated next to me had a full panic attack, drenched in sweat. Bottles of prescription pills were passed around from row to row.
The stench of vomit was unavoidable. Flying in turbulent skies for hours didn't help the situation.
About 4-5 hours later we made an emergency landing - one of those in which we were instructed to lean all the way forward with our head on our arms. The landing was relatively smooth. Then I realized we were really far from the airport, on the outskirts of the runways, and a bunch of emergency fire and rescue vehicles were staged, waiting for us.
I've never seen so many people de-board a plane and sprint for the bar so fast.
Since then, I have a low level of anxiety when flying, mostly during the takeoff. My senses stay on guard in anticipation of hearing something go wrong. But it's not fear. I try not to allow that to happen.
[1] https://www.avweb.com/news/jetblue-flight-194-weve-lost-two-...
The crew did not communicate anything for a long time, so imaginations took over. That was the worst part, the inciting incident.
Then one passenger started freaking out. Then another. It snowballed so quickly. Crying, screaming, drinking, trying to call loved ones. The college-aged girl in front of me was in tears and the older man next to her held her as if he were her father. My buddy seated next to me had a full panic attack, drenched in sweat. Bottles of prescription pills were passed around from row to row.
The stench of vomit was unavoidable. Flying in turbulent skies for hours didn't help the situation.
About 4-5 hours later we made an emergency landing - one of those in which we were instructed to lean all the way forward with our head on our arms. The landing was relatively smooth. Then I realized we were really far from the airport, on the outskirts of the runways, and a bunch of emergency fire and rescue vehicles were staged, waiting for us.
I've never seen so many people de-board a plane and sprint for the bar so fast.
Since then, I have a low level of anxiety when flying, mostly during the takeoff. My senses stay on guard in anticipation of hearing something go wrong. But it's not fear. I try not to allow that to happen.
[1] https://www.avweb.com/news/jetblue-flight-194-weve-lost-two-...
Wow that really sounds like a terrible experience. And the duration seems incomprehensible. Hope you all are ok from it now. Can imagine that left some trauma with people.
It's not really, flying around in circles is a good way to get rid of unneeded fuel before doing a potentially dangerous landing.
I kept wondering why they didn't go to LAX or somewhere that could handle the weight. But that's coming from someone who clearly has no insight into how air traffic works.
Fascinating, thanks for sharing!
I went from fear of flying to now planning to get my pilots license. I believe I am naturally a person which sees many aspects of a thing and many possibilities, take that and my (probably basic) understanding of airplanes, computer systems and people, I always could immediately construct series of events in my mind that led to catastrophy.
What if the pilot is depressed because his wife just died? What if the coffee cooker has been badly serviced and will start a fire? What if there's a tired ATC controller and we collide mid air with another plane? What if the engine has a slight imbalance, falls apart, and the parts hit some hydraulic line that immobilises the control surfaces etc.
I think it has to do with being a programmer, I see bugs all day and I can just imagine what can go wrong in an aircraft.
Also in the mix: A fear of heights and a fear of death.
What helped me: Statistics, realising that I am more likely to die sitting on my couch than sitting in a Boeing 757.. That I am relying on far less sophisticated drivers on the road to not mess up, and I am ok with it. That life is uncertain and that I can't live in in fear. And the fact that planes cannot just fall out of the sky, they are shaped in a certain way that ensures flight as long as there is wind hitting the front of the aircraft. And they make their own wind with their engines..
It just clicked eventually and now I'm even enjoying turbulence (as long as I don't spill hot coffee over my pants).. I also don't mind to crash and die, to be honest. After all, I am not Peter Thiel or Ray Kurzweil, so death is 100% certain for me. So why not die doing something I enjoy.
Of course the odds are I won't perish in an aircraft. At home on my sofa, now that's more likely..
What if the pilot is depressed because his wife just died? What if the coffee cooker has been badly serviced and will start a fire? What if there's a tired ATC controller and we collide mid air with another plane? What if the engine has a slight imbalance, falls apart, and the parts hit some hydraulic line that immobilises the control surfaces etc.
I think it has to do with being a programmer, I see bugs all day and I can just imagine what can go wrong in an aircraft.
Also in the mix: A fear of heights and a fear of death.
What helped me: Statistics, realising that I am more likely to die sitting on my couch than sitting in a Boeing 757.. That I am relying on far less sophisticated drivers on the road to not mess up, and I am ok with it. That life is uncertain and that I can't live in in fear. And the fact that planes cannot just fall out of the sky, they are shaped in a certain way that ensures flight as long as there is wind hitting the front of the aircraft. And they make their own wind with their engines..
It just clicked eventually and now I'm even enjoying turbulence (as long as I don't spill hot coffee over my pants).. I also don't mind to crash and die, to be honest. After all, I am not Peter Thiel or Ray Kurzweil, so death is 100% certain for me. So why not die doing something I enjoy.
Of course the odds are I won't perish in an aircraft. At home on my sofa, now that's more likely..
I’m a pilot and have strong fear of heights. (It’s hard for me to change the outside floodlight bulb that is maybe 10 feet off the ground.)
Fear of heights literally never presented in training or subsequent flying. The pathway is different, at least for me, but I’ve known many other pilots who are afraid of heights as well so it seems semi-common.
Fear of heights literally never presented in training or subsequent flying. The pathway is different, at least for me, but I’ve known many other pilots who are afraid of heights as well so it seems semi-common.
Skydiving is something I thought would help me get over fear of heights, among other fears. It didn’t work- the height at altitude is abstract, it wasn’t hard to jump out of the plane and let go, I guess because the landing wasn’t imminent.
The first time I jumped was out of a Cessna and the procedure was to hang from the strut and let go. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to let go that I asked the pilot for 30 extra seconds on the jump approach so I could just hang there and get used to the idea. He obliged, but I only lasted a couple of seconds before I thought no biggie and took off. I dropped so early I didn’t quite make it back to the drop zone and had to walk for a while.
A couple hundred skydives later, too many flights to count, and some occasional cliff jumps and bike dirt jumps, I’m still to this day terrified about climbing down ten feet from my roof on a ladder. But I no longer feel like I need to overcome it, and in a weird way I’m glad it’s still a “thrill” to stand on the edge of something tall.
The first time I jumped was out of a Cessna and the procedure was to hang from the strut and let go. I was so worried I wouldn’t be able to let go that I asked the pilot for 30 extra seconds on the jump approach so I could just hang there and get used to the idea. He obliged, but I only lasted a couple of seconds before I thought no biggie and took off. I dropped so early I didn’t quite make it back to the drop zone and had to walk for a while.
A couple hundred skydives later, too many flights to count, and some occasional cliff jumps and bike dirt jumps, I’m still to this day terrified about climbing down ten feet from my roof on a ladder. But I no longer feel like I need to overcome it, and in a weird way I’m glad it’s still a “thrill” to stand on the edge of something tall.
That last sentence is inspiring.
> planes cannot just fall out of the sky
Sure they can… example [1], not to mention things like stalls or icing on the wings like with Air Florida.
But it’s true, the trick to not worrying about your flight is to enjoy the risk of flying.
[1] https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-53880254
Sure they can… example [1], not to mention things like stalls or icing on the wings like with Air Florida.
But it’s true, the trick to not worrying about your flight is to enjoy the risk of flying.
[1] https://www.bbc.com/news/world-middle-east-53880254
For the longest time, I was afraid to fly. No amount of knowledge of the statistics or popular sayings about flying being safe was enough to convince me everything would be fine. It still isn’t.
What finally allowed me to fly at peace was watching dozens and dozens of hours of “Air Crash Investigation.” Damned be anyone who says exposure therapy doesn’t work.
Now, crashes just seem annoying and commonplace, and I imagine that if I’m in a plane crash, at least there is some kind of beauty to be appreciated in the complexity of a sinking aircraft and the weeks-long investigation that will ensue. The crash is basically a testament to the beauty of the act of flight, and now I can appreciate that grace for all its risk as well.
What finally allowed me to fly at peace was watching dozens and dozens of hours of “Air Crash Investigation.” Damned be anyone who says exposure therapy doesn’t work.
Now, crashes just seem annoying and commonplace, and I imagine that if I’m in a plane crash, at least there is some kind of beauty to be appreciated in the complexity of a sinking aircraft and the weeks-long investigation that will ensue. The crash is basically a testament to the beauty of the act of flight, and now I can appreciate that grace for all its risk as well.
I like watching those documentaries not only for the exposure therapy, but also to see all the redundancies that are in place and how the investigation leads to the same type of incident hopefully never happening again.
Now try watching Air Crash Investigation on the plane itself :)
Is that… allowed? I feel like you’d get mobbed by the nearby passengers. :P
I used to be moderately afraid of flying. Just didn't trust the machine.
Then I saw an episode of PBS's Nova where they filmed a bend test of the 777 wing, to destruction. The deflection they achieved before the wing snapped was jaw-dropping. I'm no longer afraid of the wings falling off, these are amazing machines.
I might change my mind if I saw the software. :-)
Then I saw an episode of PBS's Nova where they filmed a bend test of the 777 wing, to destruction. The deflection they achieved before the wing snapped was jaw-dropping. I'm no longer afraid of the wings falling off, these are amazing machines.
I might change my mind if I saw the software. :-)
I used to be scared of flying. And I flew every second week for years.
I got over it when I realized planes land on aircraft carriers in typhoons. Me traveling in an airbus is literally like getting on a bus …. Slow safe and boring.
It’s hard to be concerned about takeoff and landing on a big flat runway on land in a big slow plane, compared to big radar planes or bombers landing on carriers.
I got over it when I realized planes land on aircraft carriers in typhoons. Me traveling in an airbus is literally like getting on a bus …. Slow safe and boring.
It’s hard to be concerned about takeoff and landing on a big flat runway on land in a big slow plane, compared to big radar planes or bombers landing on carriers.
Dang, I thought there might be good advice here, but I’ve tried reading good books and that doesn’t work for me. Xanax does work, but I’d much rather cure my anxiety than suppress it with drugs. I’ve heard flight simulators and/or earning a pilot’s license can do the trick, can anyone confirm?
It’s not a rational fear or a safety concern, I’m comfortable getting on a plane. I’ve been on thousands of flights. I used to skydive. I’m well aware of the tolerance the plane has for turbulence. Yet, whenever we hit turbulence my blood boils. I don’t know how to stop it.
I’ve been happy to not fly during the pandemic, and happy about the growing awareness of the environmental impact. Together maybe they mean I won’t need to fly, but just in case, I still want to conquer this irrational reaction.
It’s not a rational fear or a safety concern, I’m comfortable getting on a plane. I’ve been on thousands of flights. I used to skydive. I’m well aware of the tolerance the plane has for turbulence. Yet, whenever we hit turbulence my blood boils. I don’t know how to stop it.
I’ve been happy to not fly during the pandemic, and happy about the growing awareness of the environmental impact. Together maybe they mean I won’t need to fly, but just in case, I still want to conquer this irrational reaction.
For me working on my pilots license and meeting more commercial pilots made it worse.
It exacerbated my control issues and seeing how complacent commercial pilots get because it is so routine for them adds to my nerves.
I am very comfortable with the survivability of mechanical issues. Not so much with the human factor and egos.
It exacerbated my control issues and seeing how complacent commercial pilots get because it is so routine for them adds to my nerves.
I am very comfortable with the survivability of mechanical issues. Not so much with the human factor and egos.
I get more afraid of flying with each flight. It’s bizarre. I was totally fine flying, then slowly, with each flight it got worse.
I wouldn’t say I’m a “nervous flyer”, but on takeoff I feel afraid. And then occasionally during the flight I kind realise how absurd the situation I’m in is and it really freaks me out.
I wouldn’t say I’m a “nervous flyer”, but on takeoff I feel afraid. And then occasionally during the flight I kind realise how absurd the situation I’m in is and it really freaks me out.
Hi are you me? I've been on literally several hundred flights in my life, starting at age 4. Then at 16 I had a panic attack before getting on a flight. So each new flight after that was always prefaced with this anxiety of having another attack.
It was like that for a few years, then I had a panic attack on a flight. But I still flew for a few years after that, usually just a couple times a year. I don't recall the last flight I took, but it's been a couple years. Maybe it was cross country from Philadelphia to San Francisco, so a fairly long flight.
I've since been taking Amtrak, which I FUCKING love. Outside of not having all the anxiety of the flight, going on a long train trip is the highlight of my year and hands down best sleep I get. Watching the scenery slowly change as I do work, play games, or just relax is one of my favorite things now. It's even better if I'm able to get my own private room. Now its not glamorous, but having your own toilet and bed really makes a huge difference.
Hopefully in the future I can start flying again if I HAVE to. But I don't think I'll ever stop taking the train if the timing is right for wherever I'm going.
It was like that for a few years, then I had a panic attack on a flight. But I still flew for a few years after that, usually just a couple times a year. I don't recall the last flight I took, but it's been a couple years. Maybe it was cross country from Philadelphia to San Francisco, so a fairly long flight.
I've since been taking Amtrak, which I FUCKING love. Outside of not having all the anxiety of the flight, going on a long train trip is the highlight of my year and hands down best sleep I get. Watching the scenery slowly change as I do work, play games, or just relax is one of my favorite things now. It's even better if I'm able to get my own private room. Now its not glamorous, but having your own toilet and bed really makes a huge difference.
Hopefully in the future I can start flying again if I HAVE to. But I don't think I'll ever stop taking the train if the timing is right for wherever I'm going.
Unfortunaly I'm an emigrant, and have to fly for a living, so I just have to keep on flying for businnes and family trips home.
I do love trains though, and take them whenever I can. Good luck man, I think you'll get there if you have to do it. Until then enjoy the trains!
I do love trains though, and take them whenever I can. Good luck man, I think you'll get there if you have to do it. Until then enjoy the trains!
This is my greatest fear and has lead my life into a completely different direction. From a promising young CS graduate working in tech in US to someone who’s had to leave many opportunities to family members unable to travel with me, it is very debilitating.
I have tried exposure therapy, learnt a lot about flying, used sim games, and no amount of statistics has helped so far.
Maybe the fear stems from underlying unresolved issues about life and the fact that I haven’t done well relative to peers despite being promising early on.
I have tried exposure therapy, learnt a lot about flying, used sim games, and no amount of statistics has helped so far.
Maybe the fear stems from underlying unresolved issues about life and the fact that I haven’t done well relative to peers despite being promising early on.
I tried a bunch of that too. I even had jumped out of an airplane, and I took flying lessons and still panic attack every time I flew. Though flying lessons did help, skydiving was awesome but terrifying and didn’t help at all.
What finally helped me, was Allen Carr easy way to enjoy flying and the happiness trap. Not sure which book did it but I’m flying now with what I would call a normal level of anxiety most of the time.
What finally helped me, was Allen Carr easy way to enjoy flying and the happiness trap. Not sure which book did it but I’m flying now with what I would call a normal level of anxiety most of the time.
Allen Car helped me stop smoking and flying lessons helped me stop being afraid of flying! I'd be curious to hear if there was a single moment for you in your lessons you remember that helped you. For me, I was in a non-powered plane and had to land. The incredible resistance of the aircraft was the moment of enlightenment for me.
Yes the non powered landing was the most profound part of flying lessons for me.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I would definitely take a look at Allen Carr.
As far as I know there are only 3 or 4 types of fear that are natural. I can't remember all of them but only two: fear of fast approaching things (objects, sounds, experiences) and fear of heights.
I think fear of flying has to do with fear of heights. It just feels unnatural.
Then there is the anxiety circle: - There is an event (turbulence). - This triggers a thought of fear (often very fast so it is goes unnoticed). - Your body responds to this thought with stress which is the next event in the circle.
What the author does when he reads books is missing a lot of events that could trigger thoughts of fear. This is one way of overcoming fear.
But maybe a better way is to analyze the thoughts that you had that triggered the stress response. You can analyze those thoughts and ask yourself: is it true what I am thinking? What are the chances?
One thing that also helps with anxiety is to, kind of, embrace it. Something like: 'ah I am having an anxiety attack, lets see what triggered this'.
Well, after being almost smashed to the runway once in heavy turbulence I still don't like flying.
Become braver instead of less afraid.
I think fear of flying has to do with fear of heights. It just feels unnatural.
Then there is the anxiety circle: - There is an event (turbulence). - This triggers a thought of fear (often very fast so it is goes unnoticed). - Your body responds to this thought with stress which is the next event in the circle.
What the author does when he reads books is missing a lot of events that could trigger thoughts of fear. This is one way of overcoming fear.
But maybe a better way is to analyze the thoughts that you had that triggered the stress response. You can analyze those thoughts and ask yourself: is it true what I am thinking? What are the chances?
One thing that also helps with anxiety is to, kind of, embrace it. Something like: 'ah I am having an anxiety attack, lets see what triggered this'.
Well, after being almost smashed to the runway once in heavy turbulence I still don't like flying.
Become braver instead of less afraid.
I have direct experience of curing this fear and highly recommend the method:
I took flying lessons.
I was afraid of mechanical failure, weather, random noises, people errors, generally the unknown. The moment I was in charge of the plane I realised how just damn safe these things are. I cannot describe it. It requires an immense amount of effort to encourage a plane to land - they want to fly!! You just need to try it yourself and then take off and landing will become moments of great fun.
A tip about turbulence: think of a speed boat. It skips across the water but has no risk of sinking or failing. The boat is built for that action. But you notice a lot how heavy it bumps over the water, it's forceful. But then realise, how much distance the boat is actually jumping around - only a few inches! And so is a plane! It just feels like so much more because of the speed and size of the craft. But it the same principle as a speedboat on water.
I took flying lessons.
I was afraid of mechanical failure, weather, random noises, people errors, generally the unknown. The moment I was in charge of the plane I realised how just damn safe these things are. I cannot describe it. It requires an immense amount of effort to encourage a plane to land - they want to fly!! You just need to try it yourself and then take off and landing will become moments of great fun.
A tip about turbulence: think of a speed boat. It skips across the water but has no risk of sinking or failing. The boat is built for that action. But you notice a lot how heavy it bumps over the water, it's forceful. But then realise, how much distance the boat is actually jumping around - only a few inches! And so is a plane! It just feels like so much more because of the speed and size of the craft. But it the same principle as a speedboat on water.
I developed a fear of flying as I grew older but I have been able to mostly get over it. What helped most was realizing that me being afraid of flying has no effect on whether the plane crashes or not. So, it's pointless being afraid.
Does anyone have links to good fear “science” information? I’m interested in learning how to discern anxiety (pointless worry) from acute dear (fear with a point). And further, to figure out how to manage acute fear. The particular use case is to be able to large and larger jumps and drops on a mountain bike.
I think I've gained a fear of flying. I've flown on very turbulent C-130 flights into Afghanistan and was not the slightest bit nervous but now I really hate the idea of flying.
Was it youth, being surrounded by friends, or both?
Was it youth, being surrounded by friends, or both?
I'm sorry for the "spoiler"... but in the end the famous writer discovered the solution was to read great books during the flight? Who would've guessed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I feel that I wasted my time.
I feel that I wasted my time.
I play Rammstein's Du hast during takeoff to make it feel badass instead of scary, while also playing 2048 on my phone to keep my brain distracted. Noise cancelling earbuds help too.
I figured if this man chose to earn a living by flying, that was good enough for me safety-wise.
He rose in seniority to the point where he could choose any route, anywhere in the World. He flew Vancouver/Chile to minimize time zone difference.
One time my 90-year old grandmother (his mother) came to visit me. On the way back, Robert was going to take her home on the flight he was piloting. I sat with the frail old lady in the airport departure lounge. As her grey-haired son, a paragon of authority resplendent in his captain's uniform, strolls through the terminal, she points to him and proudly tells a flight attendant: "That's my boy!"