No, I'm not very confrontational and in general I've learnt to act normal very well. If you met me at a meetup or something you probably wouldn't guess I'm autistic at all. I've honestly spent years working on my social skills and it's paid of quite well.
In interviews the issue really only comes in when I'm asked really vague questions like, "what gets you excited?" I don't really know how to answer those kind of questions so I start stumbling. I also have the same problem with certain technical questions. I was asked to explain regexs recently and I find that very hard because I struggle translating the conceptual ideas in my into words.
Also when I'm in an office I get quickly tired of pretending to be normal. If I'm having a rough day I don't have the energy to pull it off and then problems start cropping up.
I don't know your friend, but we sound different honestly. I pick up things insanely quick. Things like programming and maths just make sense to me. I don't need to get into special programmes because when working on my own I know I can out perform the majority of people. My issue is 100% with other people judging me for not being able to understand irrelevant things to my work such as social etiquettes and my slightly unusual methods of explaining myself.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm annoyed at the suggestion that I need special programs. Growing up I always loved being autistic because it made be able to do cool things like teach myself to code. I was always in top sets for subjects like physics, maths, etc and I was one of the strongest developers on my course in college and university.
I don't need help, I just need people to be understanding that some people like to be left alone and take a little longer to figure out a good way to express themselves. My issue has always been that people don't like that I'm anti-social and they don't have time for my less eloquent explanations.
Edit: Additionally, I do often say, "sorry I'm autistic" and ask for help. For example it's very common for me to say, "sorry I'm autistic, have I upset you?", or sometimes I will ask if they want me to stop talking. I find it very hard to read those things.
But in interviews I'd never mention I'm autistic. If I'm given a job I want to know it's because someone thinks I'm the best person for the role. I don't want sympathy. I just want people to stop being so judgemental towards me.
I've never been diagnosed, no, and I've never had any interest in doing so although I was often pushed to get a diagnosis in school/college. As I said in another comment it's only ever been a problem in my life when other people make it a problem for me.
A principle I will life and die by is that everything I have in life I've earned. I've never accepted any welfare, or any kind of extra help or support in any way my entire life. I was probably the only kid never to enter a cheat code on GTA.
I don't want a job because I'm filling the retard quota. I couldn't accept that. And either way, I'm quite capable of doing my job.
The only time it's really anything close to a disability is when I'm trying to explain some tech, or something like that. But I can do it just find if I'm given time, or pen and paper. But that's never been the issue. The issue has always been people disliking me in the office for not fitting in. Or not giving me a chance in interviews because I don't know how to correctly answer questions like, "what makes you excited?".
I don't say I'm autistic, no. I have wondered bringing it up, but I don't like the handy caps.
I never wanted extra time in exams. My brain works so well in so many wells thanks to my autism. I've genuinely never seen it as a drawback. The only time it's a problem is when people decide it's a problem.
And the problem isn't that I don't want to assimilate, I simply don't understand how. I don't know how to make a joke. Whenever I try to tell jokes I'm told my joke is weird, or offensive, or disrespectful. I don't understand the rules of humour so I shut my mouth and get on with my work.
I had a conversation the other day with my parents about how I should respond to "how's your day going?" When is it appropriate to be honest if you're having a bad day? How do I tell if someone is saying that to start a conversation, or just saying hi? It's tricky. So I say, "i'm fine". And then people tell me I'm being rude or laugh at me.
My verbal communication is basically non-existence. I struggle even with remote work (I've worked remotely previously), and finding remote work is extremely hard anyway. And basically impossible for someone who can't hold a Skype conversation.
What upsets me is that I harbour no dislike to people without autism. I don't understand a lot of your jokes. I don't understand a lot of your interests. But I try to be friendly in my own way. I try to smile when you say something that isn't funny.
But I don't get that same respect back. People rather simply reject me.
"He's weird".
"You need to work on your communication skills".
Fucks me off because I know people who are deaf in tech who can hardly talk and I've never heard someone say they need to work on their communication skills. Because they do.
I'm fed up with trying to be normal so people don't think I'm weird. And I'm fed up and trying to fit into "the culture". And I don't want to shoot some pool at lunch, I want to be left alone.
I just want people treat me with the same respect I treat them for being different to me.
So honestly yeah I am pissed off. I'm homeless now thanks to this constant shit. I can't even explain how fed up I am of being rejected for such a stupid reason.
Heh, I'm in a similar situation. I've been out of work for over 6 months. I've been unable to find anything in my city, and now employers are starting to question why I can't find work.
Truth is every nearly all tech jobs where I live pay very poorly and are mostly dead-end development agency type gigs.
I don't have any money to relocate, nor do I have any money to commute for interviews elsewhere. Plus, it's very rare to find employers willing to help with such things.
Another problem is that I was suckered into a dead-end development job since I left school so I haven't really got much "professional" experience with modern technologies. That kind of annoys me because I've been coding for 10 years and I've been keeping up with things in personal projects, but apparently that doesn't count.
Oh, and I have anxiety and autism so my personal is toxic for most agile development roles. That's probably why I was let go.
I've basically lost everything now. My house, car and now that I'm back with my parents I'm living hour away from my girlfriend which I don't have any real way to see. I suppose in some ways it's liberating to no longer have to worry about losing the things I care about.
I never drank a day in my life until now, but lately I drink every day just to help me through. People say alcohol does't work, but that's not true. I'd recommend it to anyone in my situation.
I'll keep trying to find something, I'm a fighter at heart, but I'm not holding out much hope anymore.
I'm not sure how much long things can carry on like this.
Best of luck, I hope everything works out for you man.
No, I'm not very confrontational and in general I've learnt to act normal very well. If you met me at a meetup or something you probably wouldn't guess I'm autistic at all. I've honestly spent years working on my social skills and it's paid of quite well.
In interviews the issue really only comes in when I'm asked really vague questions like, "what gets you excited?" I don't really know how to answer those kind of questions so I start stumbling. I also have the same problem with certain technical questions. I was asked to explain regexs recently and I find that very hard because I struggle translating the conceptual ideas in my into words.
Also when I'm in an office I get quickly tired of pretending to be normal. If I'm having a rough day I don't have the energy to pull it off and then problems start cropping up.
I don't know your friend, but we sound different honestly. I pick up things insanely quick. Things like programming and maths just make sense to me. I don't need to get into special programmes because when working on my own I know I can out perform the majority of people. My issue is 100% with other people judging me for not being able to understand irrelevant things to my work such as social etiquettes and my slightly unusual methods of explaining myself.
I guess what I'm saying is that I'm annoyed at the suggestion that I need special programs. Growing up I always loved being autistic because it made be able to do cool things like teach myself to code. I was always in top sets for subjects like physics, maths, etc and I was one of the strongest developers on my course in college and university.
I don't need help, I just need people to be understanding that some people like to be left alone and take a little longer to figure out a good way to express themselves. My issue has always been that people don't like that I'm anti-social and they don't have time for my less eloquent explanations.
Edit: Additionally, I do often say, "sorry I'm autistic" and ask for help. For example it's very common for me to say, "sorry I'm autistic, have I upset you?", or sometimes I will ask if they want me to stop talking. I find it very hard to read those things.
But in interviews I'd never mention I'm autistic. If I'm given a job I want to know it's because someone thinks I'm the best person for the role. I don't want sympathy. I just want people to stop being so judgemental towards me.