Ask HN: How to stop being so anxious about job interviews?
22 comments
It might help to know that a study measured how stressful live coding interviews were on candidates and found it to be VERY stressful.
Half of the candidates did a coding exercise while someone was watching them. The others did the same exercise, but without being watched.
People being watched got ~half as far on the exercise, on average.
So you're not alone!
More and more companies are moving to mostly async for the technical portions, because of this. Study: https://www.engr.ncsu.edu/news/2020/11/11/tech-sector-job-in...
Half of the candidates did a coding exercise while someone was watching them. The others did the same exercise, but without being watched.
People being watched got ~half as far on the exercise, on average.
So you're not alone!
More and more companies are moving to mostly async for the technical portions, because of this. Study: https://www.engr.ncsu.edu/news/2020/11/11/tech-sector-job-in...
It is extremely normal to be anxious about job interviews. If you try to kill the anxiety, you'll fail and make yourself miserable.
The thing you need to practice is tolerating the state of anxiety and realizing that it's temporary, it can't harm you, and it's there for a reason.
It may take many years of treatment to be able to do high-stress activities like live coding interviews, but you need a job in the meantime, so seek out employers who don't have idiotic hiring procedures that filter out people with anxiety.
The thing you need to practice is tolerating the state of anxiety and realizing that it's temporary, it can't harm you, and it's there for a reason.
It may take many years of treatment to be able to do high-stress activities like live coding interviews, but you need a job in the meantime, so seek out employers who don't have idiotic hiring procedures that filter out people with anxiety.
You are comfortable with managing teams possibly because you've made that zone comfortable for yourself. Would it be fair to say you'd be just as anxious if you had to manage a completely new team with people you don't know?
A few things I can share, with the usual disclaimer that this is how I've worked through the anxiety. Yes you are going to an interview, but interviews are a two way conversation - you are going there to find out whether Meta is a fit for you. It's not just the other way around.
Remember that these are humans talking to you, who have empathy. They will respond well to honesty. If you think you have come up with a laughable solution, it's a simple matter of saying that this is what you'd do, unsure of what the best solution is, and you can ask them back how _they_ would solve it. They can answer and move on to the next topic.
A few things I can share, with the usual disclaimer that this is how I've worked through the anxiety. Yes you are going to an interview, but interviews are a two way conversation - you are going there to find out whether Meta is a fit for you. It's not just the other way around.
Remember that these are humans talking to you, who have empathy. They will respond well to honesty. If you think you have come up with a laughable solution, it's a simple matter of saying that this is what you'd do, unsure of what the best solution is, and you can ask them back how _they_ would solve it. They can answer and move on to the next topic.
I find mindfulness to be an incredibly useful tool for dealing with thoughts of anxiety. When a thought pops in your head about how you're going to screw up or you're unqualified for the job or whatever, just label that thought. "This is a thought of anxiety." Don't engage with it and go down that wormhole; just label the thought. This is easier said than done, and takes practice, but as soon as you realize you're in the anxious thought spiral, label it and focus on being present again.
Dr. Jon Kabat Zinn, who is the head of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the UMass Medical School, wrote a wonderful and simple book about this called "Wherever You Go, there you are."
Dr. Jon Kabat Zinn, who is the head of the Stress Reduction Clinic at the UMass Medical School, wrote a wonderful and simple book about this called "Wherever You Go, there you are."
Just be open and honest about it. I find if I tell someone that I'm really nervous I stop feeling as nervous.
I get anxious as well, not to the degree you do but I often need to take the rest of the day off after 1-2 interviews and have to prep the morning to help calm myself down. I usually run in the morning and eat a banana an hour before. The way I was able to get offers was practicing a lot. I did leetcode, mock interviews, and then real interviews to make them feel like just another meeting. Take interviews when recruiters offer them, convince yourself you don’t care, then do enough that you actually don’t care anymore. I did this last month and only interviewed with three companies. Another hint is interview with a different team at the same company even if you’re not completely sold on that team, getting the hang of a company’s interview culture is a superpower. Hope that helps.
A public speaking & confidence course really helped me to _slow down_ - mostly whilst speaking but also whilst coding. I take my time to explain what I'm thinking and why. This has made me less nervous in interviews (and subsequently helped that nervousness beforehand).
Distraction - do something else, keep busy. I also have some "interview notes" I built up which I refresh _just_ before the interview. These notes are reminders for common questions (e.g. "describe when had to reach out to other teams").
Have several interviews - if you are interviewing at several companies then there's less pressure on an individual interview. You'll have many opportunities - even if you don't get into Meta now, I'm sure they'd like you to retry later.
Lastly, take it as a reflection of the company interviewing you. Some interviewers are more interested in tripping people up or showing off how much _they_ know rather than getting the best from the candidate - I'd just avoid those companies. Others bend over backwards so that you can shine, putting you at ease (detailed info about the interviews, conversational style interviews, friendly interviewers, relaxed surroundings etc). You may have the option to perform a take-home exercises which I certainly found less stressful (but take more time).
Distraction - do something else, keep busy. I also have some "interview notes" I built up which I refresh _just_ before the interview. These notes are reminders for common questions (e.g. "describe when had to reach out to other teams").
Have several interviews - if you are interviewing at several companies then there's less pressure on an individual interview. You'll have many opportunities - even if you don't get into Meta now, I'm sure they'd like you to retry later.
Lastly, take it as a reflection of the company interviewing you. Some interviewers are more interested in tripping people up or showing off how much _they_ know rather than getting the best from the candidate - I'd just avoid those companies. Others bend over backwards so that you can shine, putting you at ease (detailed info about the interviews, conversational style interviews, friendly interviewers, relaxed surroundings etc). You may have the option to perform a take-home exercises which I certainly found less stressful (but take more time).
Not a doctor, but even if your generalized anxiety disorder is properly treated for everyday life, interviews are not everyday life, and are stressful for most individuals without anxiety disorders too, so it's understandable to experience peak anxiety during those times.
Please talk to your doctor and see what they'd recommend for situations like this. I know even professional musicians and public speakers may take beta blockers for performance anxiety. Your doctor may recommend upping the dose of one of your sedatives on a day you've got interviews to counteract the increased base level anxiety you're experiencing because of the added stress.
Getting practice on more interviews may help in the long run, but today you may need to ask for advice from your doctor, given your anxiety disorder diagnosis.
Deep breaths, take a beat, and good luck! Most people don't even make it to the interview stage, so you're definitely doing something right! Let us know how it goes :)
Please talk to your doctor and see what they'd recommend for situations like this. I know even professional musicians and public speakers may take beta blockers for performance anxiety. Your doctor may recommend upping the dose of one of your sedatives on a day you've got interviews to counteract the increased base level anxiety you're experiencing because of the added stress.
Getting practice on more interviews may help in the long run, but today you may need to ask for advice from your doctor, given your anxiety disorder diagnosis.
Deep breaths, take a beat, and good luck! Most people don't even make it to the interview stage, so you're definitely doing something right! Let us know how it goes :)
Job interviews are indeed stressful or anxiety inducing for most people, so it's hardly surprising that they're hell for anyone with an anxiety disorder.
My advice for job interviews is: learn not to care too much. It's just a talk. There are other jobs out there. This is also why I think it's easier to look for a job while you have one, than when you're unemployed: the stakes are higher, and that's likely to hurt your performance. The irony is that you're more likely to land a job when you already have one than when you desperately need one.
Of course when you find that perfect job at a specific company you love, all of this goes out the window because of the rarity of the opportunity.
My advice for job interviews is: learn not to care too much. It's just a talk. There are other jobs out there. This is also why I think it's easier to look for a job while you have one, than when you're unemployed: the stakes are higher, and that's likely to hurt your performance. The irony is that you're more likely to land a job when you already have one than when you desperately need one.
Of course when you find that perfect job at a specific company you love, all of this goes out the window because of the rarity of the opportunity.
Remember that the interview is a two-way street. Try to think about it from the point of view that you are also interviewing them to see if the job is suitable for you, and to see whether you want to work with them.
Too often people see it from the point of view of the interviewer having all the power - of thinking "will they want me for the job?"
But by asking "do I want to work for them?" - this can shift the way you perceive the balance of power in this situation, and that can help reduce the anxiety.
Too often people see it from the point of view of the interviewer having all the power - of thinking "will they want me for the job?"
But by asking "do I want to work for them?" - this can shift the way you perceive the balance of power in this situation, and that can help reduce the anxiety.
i have been doing interviews on and off for about 5 months now whilst finishing university, and im gonna admit that my latest interview was aced because i drunk two cans of cider before / during it. i did it as an experiment and it ended up working great (i got the job). for reference i'm basically teetotal otherwise. i found it calmed me down and allowed me to speak more freely, without overthinking or getting short of breath.
brains are odd - i can manage a talk in front of a relatively large group of people fine, and yet i stumble in interviews with one or two people. your mileage may - very much - vary though
brains are odd - i can manage a talk in front of a relatively large group of people fine, and yet i stumble in interviews with one or two people. your mileage may - very much - vary though
Can't help with anxienty in general, but what helps me:
- See it as a game. If you don't absolutely need that job it's just optimizing income and stuff.
- Prepare. Might not actually help, but feels good. (a few default questions answers, your own questions, plan how to react to the money question etc.)
- Go to a few of them to get practice. Means to be a tad less choosy, you can always choose after the offer. Good to have a decent offer, even if you don't want to take it anyways.
- See it as a game. If you don't absolutely need that job it's just optimizing income and stuff.
- Prepare. Might not actually help, but feels good. (a few default questions answers, your own questions, plan how to react to the money question etc.)
- Go to a few of them to get practice. Means to be a tad less choosy, you can always choose after the offer. Good to have a decent offer, even if you don't want to take it anyways.
Think of it less as a performance trying to get someone else's approval and more as a discussion of a few peers just getting to know each other. Sure, the scenario is different, but your approach to it will make all the difference when it comes to anxiety.
Specific to your concerns - the people are still just people no matter how senior they are. Just talk to them. If you get stuck or create something laughable... go ahead and laugh. If you get rejected, so what? Your life goes on and you do something else. You may want this job... but you don't need it. Give it a shot, have some fun.
I know that is easier said than done, but at the same time you've likely had some therapy (CBT / DBT) if you are diagnosed with anxiety, so apply the coping skills you've learned. Pull out old notes on what those skills are, use them, and walk in with a fresh perspective.
Specific to your concerns - the people are still just people no matter how senior they are. Just talk to them. If you get stuck or create something laughable... go ahead and laugh. If you get rejected, so what? Your life goes on and you do something else. You may want this job... but you don't need it. Give it a shot, have some fun.
I know that is easier said than done, but at the same time you've likely had some therapy (CBT / DBT) if you are diagnosed with anxiety, so apply the coping skills you've learned. Pull out old notes on what those skills are, use them, and walk in with a fresh perspective.
Too late for your interview tonight, but talk to your doctor about beta blockers^ for situational anxiety. They dramatically reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety, are generally safe to use, and should be very cheap.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_blocker#Anxiety
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Beta_blocker#Anxiety
I only took a quick glimpse at a few comments here, so there's a chance I missed someone else say this already, but I'll post my two cents (sorry for the possible duplication): when I go to an interview, I'm not putting up a facade, I'm there to show 100% of me because if I pass, I'll probably stay there for the next year or so, meaning that being genuinely honest without thinking too much about putting up a fake persona is the best way to go for me. It's better to know incompatibilities right from the start than realise that you don't like the company 6 months in. So generally I don't get really nervous because I'm just showing who I really am, and if they don't like it, good, at least I know right from the get go.
Another thing I like to think about is that I'm interviewing them more than they are interviewing me. With every question they make, I think to myself "oh so that's what your company values as a good interview question" and I slowly start building a company profile in my head while answering honestly and to the best of my abilities.
I used to get a little nervous when I did exams at university, but I've come to realise that that nervousness came from me fitting a bunch of knowledge in my head a few days prior and fearing that some info would slip out of my neural pathways to make space for the color of the pen I was using that day, as brains do. I don't have this fear in interviews because, as I said, I'm not vomiting a bunch of knowledge I've forced accumulated over the past few days; in an interview, I'm just being myself and showing what I've naturally learned the past few years.
For those of you thinking that this is gonna decrease the amount of companies that I can apply for because of this "company profile" I build, yes that's true. Out of 10 companies I generally turn down 3 or 4 right from the first interview because I don't like them, not because they didn't offer enough money or because I don't like their tech stack. I just don't like their culture, and I make sure to confirm my ideas during the interview with some questions of my own. That's why I don't apply for most MAANGs, most of those have terrible company culture. If I'm gonna stay "married" to a company from 9 to 6 for the next year or so, I better make sure I actually wanna "marry" them.
Another thing I like to think about is that I'm interviewing them more than they are interviewing me. With every question they make, I think to myself "oh so that's what your company values as a good interview question" and I slowly start building a company profile in my head while answering honestly and to the best of my abilities.
I used to get a little nervous when I did exams at university, but I've come to realise that that nervousness came from me fitting a bunch of knowledge in my head a few days prior and fearing that some info would slip out of my neural pathways to make space for the color of the pen I was using that day, as brains do. I don't have this fear in interviews because, as I said, I'm not vomiting a bunch of knowledge I've forced accumulated over the past few days; in an interview, I'm just being myself and showing what I've naturally learned the past few years.
For those of you thinking that this is gonna decrease the amount of companies that I can apply for because of this "company profile" I build, yes that's true. Out of 10 companies I generally turn down 3 or 4 right from the first interview because I don't like them, not because they didn't offer enough money or because I don't like their tech stack. I just don't like their culture, and I make sure to confirm my ideas during the interview with some questions of my own. That's why I don't apply for most MAANGs, most of those have terrible company culture. If I'm gonna stay "married" to a company from 9 to 6 for the next year or so, I better make sure I actually wanna "marry" them.
How did it go? I'm in a very similar boat. VP, manage 3-5 year tech projects, present to C levels, but have a meta interview too. I'm pushing mine off to the fall bc I need to get other aspects of my life in order first.
There are medical interventions that can help so please talk to a doctor if you want to go down that path.
Other than that, practicing until you consistently pass meta mocks on interviewing.io or something like that is probably the best way to come in feeling OK.
Please realize this is normal. Lots of engineers get extremely anxious before interviews. Like sick to stomach can’t sleep for days anxious. I remember listening to a podcast with a senior principal at Amazon — this guy was an incredibly accomplished engineer, and he was so nervous during his first algo interview at Amazon the interviewer paused and asked him to grab a drink and take a moment. I think this is due to the ridiculous interviewing practices we have adopted as an industry, but that is a different topic.
You will get through it and no matter what happens you WILL be ok. The world is big and opportunity is endless, whether you work at Meta or not. If you have someone to talk to or hug, go do it. Seriously it helps.
Other than that, practicing until you consistently pass meta mocks on interviewing.io or something like that is probably the best way to come in feeling OK.
Please realize this is normal. Lots of engineers get extremely anxious before interviews. Like sick to stomach can’t sleep for days anxious. I remember listening to a podcast with a senior principal at Amazon — this guy was an incredibly accomplished engineer, and he was so nervous during his first algo interview at Amazon the interviewer paused and asked him to grab a drink and take a moment. I think this is due to the ridiculous interviewing practices we have adopted as an industry, but that is a different topic.
You will get through it and no matter what happens you WILL be ok. The world is big and opportunity is endless, whether you work at Meta or not. If you have someone to talk to or hug, go do it. Seriously it helps.
Just tell yourself that you don't want the job, so you DGAF. Be skeptical of everything they tell you in the interview. Most of these employers lie profusely. Once you realize that the job is going to be grind, you'll be less enthusiastic and not care as much.
The best way to get less anxious about doing something is to practice doing it. Job interviews are no different. Next time you are applying for jobs, apply to twice as many as you normally would. You can put the jobs you're less interested in first, as kind of "practice interviews". You'll get better at interviewing and better at performing under pressure as you practice. And hey, maybe you'll change your mind during the interview about which job you're most interested in.
I used to be absolutely terrified of speaking in front of people. I would get exactly how you described: weak in the knees, sweaty, lightheaded, sick, minor fever.
My university required that we take a Speech class. So I scheduled it over the summer, so I could get it over with in 4 weeks instead of an entire semester. For the first assignment, we had to read something out loud. It was horrifying. I picked The Hobbit, which I had on the bookshelf, and I read the first page, describing hobbits. I had read it so many times in the past that it flowed pretty smoothly. Got an A. Just about shit my pants.
As I watched everyone else doing it, I noticed that nobody else was paying attention to the speaker. Everyone was nervous about their own speech, so they were studying their own speeches.
I resolved to go first every time.
For the second speech we had to teach the class how to do something. I could juggle, and if I'm juggling, I can't watch anyone else. So I did that. And I got an A. Again, nobody hardly paid any attention to me. Plus, juggling is cool.
For the third speech, we had to describe a quantity about ourselves. And I decided (fortuitously!) to talk about how I had stage-fright. I got up there, and I broke all the rules:
"Hi, um, I'm Jemaclus, and I um... I uh, my quality is that, um, I'm terrif-terrified of, uh, speaking in front of people, and I get sweaty and I uh, I stutter and say um a lot, um... I just did it again. Uhhh, and I shift back and forth..." and I more or less just described everything I was doing in the moment.
I got an A-plus. The teacher wrote on her notes, "Great acting."
And I realized something important that changed the way I thought about speaking in front of people during high-stakes environments -- and this is the lesson that I'd like you to take away from this: nobody is rooting for you to fail.
My teacher wanted me to do a good job, so she projected her desires for me to do a good job onto my performance. I didn't screw up -- I was exaggerating for effect. I wasn't nervous -- I was putting on a performance.
Later, a friend of mine convinced me to audition for a play. I did it mostly because I wanted to impress my friend, but I took my lessons with me. I internalized that the audition managers WANTED me to succeed, I internalized that the other actors weren't paying attention to me, and I put as much of my focus on what I was doing as I could. And it worked. I got cast.
And then I had to face a horrifying realization: I now have to perform in front of HUNDREDS of people per night for weeks.
But we practice and we practiced and we practiced. I memorized my lines, the staging, the choreography. I rehearsed on my own and with the cast. I took feedback from the director.
And on opening night, I walked out there, delivered my lines, and... it felt like a normal rehearsal. Thanks to the lights, I couldn't even see the audience. It was just like a rehearsal with my new friends... and I wasn't nervous.
All that to say, I am now fairly comfortable in these kinds of situations. I have internalized a lot of things, namely that most people _want_ you to do a good job, and the people that don't probably aren't even paying attention.
Consider being a hiring manager: would I rather sit through 100 interviews and not hire anyone, or have a stellar candidate in the first interview and hire them? The latter, of course! I WANT to hire you! If you meet our criteria, I will be THRILLED to make you an offer and not have to interview a single other person! I'm ROOTING for YOU to succeed. Every. Single. Time.
If you take one thing away from this story, it should be this: the people on the other side of the table are rooting for you, and any mistakes you make, any nervousness you have, any anxieties or fear or awkwardness... they will make all kinds of excuses in their heads that match the expectations they have of you. And they are rooting for you.
Practice helps. The advice everyone is giving you is fantastic. Practice practice practice, until doing it in front of other people is no different than doing it in the dark in your room at 3am.
But perhaps more importantly, have faith in yourself and in those interviewing you. We want you to succeed. You want to succeed. And if you don't succeed? Well,... try, try again.
Like many things in life, hiring is a numbers game. Consider no offer to be a practice round, and find another opportunity and try again.
You'll find something soon. Best of luck to you. I've been where you are. It gets better. :)
My university required that we take a Speech class. So I scheduled it over the summer, so I could get it over with in 4 weeks instead of an entire semester. For the first assignment, we had to read something out loud. It was horrifying. I picked The Hobbit, which I had on the bookshelf, and I read the first page, describing hobbits. I had read it so many times in the past that it flowed pretty smoothly. Got an A. Just about shit my pants.
As I watched everyone else doing it, I noticed that nobody else was paying attention to the speaker. Everyone was nervous about their own speech, so they were studying their own speeches.
I resolved to go first every time.
For the second speech we had to teach the class how to do something. I could juggle, and if I'm juggling, I can't watch anyone else. So I did that. And I got an A. Again, nobody hardly paid any attention to me. Plus, juggling is cool.
For the third speech, we had to describe a quantity about ourselves. And I decided (fortuitously!) to talk about how I had stage-fright. I got up there, and I broke all the rules:
"Hi, um, I'm Jemaclus, and I um... I uh, my quality is that, um, I'm terrif-terrified of, uh, speaking in front of people, and I get sweaty and I uh, I stutter and say um a lot, um... I just did it again. Uhhh, and I shift back and forth..." and I more or less just described everything I was doing in the moment.
I got an A-plus. The teacher wrote on her notes, "Great acting."
And I realized something important that changed the way I thought about speaking in front of people during high-stakes environments -- and this is the lesson that I'd like you to take away from this: nobody is rooting for you to fail.
My teacher wanted me to do a good job, so she projected her desires for me to do a good job onto my performance. I didn't screw up -- I was exaggerating for effect. I wasn't nervous -- I was putting on a performance.
Later, a friend of mine convinced me to audition for a play. I did it mostly because I wanted to impress my friend, but I took my lessons with me. I internalized that the audition managers WANTED me to succeed, I internalized that the other actors weren't paying attention to me, and I put as much of my focus on what I was doing as I could. And it worked. I got cast.
And then I had to face a horrifying realization: I now have to perform in front of HUNDREDS of people per night for weeks.
But we practice and we practiced and we practiced. I memorized my lines, the staging, the choreography. I rehearsed on my own and with the cast. I took feedback from the director.
And on opening night, I walked out there, delivered my lines, and... it felt like a normal rehearsal. Thanks to the lights, I couldn't even see the audience. It was just like a rehearsal with my new friends... and I wasn't nervous.
All that to say, I am now fairly comfortable in these kinds of situations. I have internalized a lot of things, namely that most people _want_ you to do a good job, and the people that don't probably aren't even paying attention.
Consider being a hiring manager: would I rather sit through 100 interviews and not hire anyone, or have a stellar candidate in the first interview and hire them? The latter, of course! I WANT to hire you! If you meet our criteria, I will be THRILLED to make you an offer and not have to interview a single other person! I'm ROOTING for YOU to succeed. Every. Single. Time.
If you take one thing away from this story, it should be this: the people on the other side of the table are rooting for you, and any mistakes you make, any nervousness you have, any anxieties or fear or awkwardness... they will make all kinds of excuses in their heads that match the expectations they have of you. And they are rooting for you.
Practice helps. The advice everyone is giving you is fantastic. Practice practice practice, until doing it in front of other people is no different than doing it in the dark in your room at 3am.
But perhaps more importantly, have faith in yourself and in those interviewing you. We want you to succeed. You want to succeed. And if you don't succeed? Well,... try, try again.
Like many things in life, hiring is a numbers game. Consider no offer to be a practice round, and find another opportunity and try again.
You'll find something soon. Best of luck to you. I've been where you are. It gets better. :)
It's not even a career-related anxiety: I manage large teams and am able to deal with all sorts of people at levels junior to EVP, no problem, very little is capable of throwing me off-balance.
Yet here I am. I have a Meta interview later tonight, and I feel lightheaded, sick, and weak-kneeled. I measured my temperature and I've got a minor fever. Couldn't sleep at night. All psychological - I am not sick. Thinking about it, here are some of the things that cause all those reactions:
1) Fear of embarrassing myself in front of very senior/accomplished people. 2) Getting stuck/blocked or coming up with a laughable solution that won't make sense. 3) Rejection fear and worse: fear of a downward spiral of failure that can end my career (typical catastrophic thinking).
Oddly enough, I don't feel anything like that in behavioral interviews. It's only in those where I need to be "creative", like system design or coding. I am having a miserable weekend because of this. Frequently I think about cancelling interviews (and many times I do - this is the 3rd time I'm talking to Meta, the last 2 I cancelled the loops) because of this combination of anxiety and misery at peak level for so many hours and days.
People who have similar symptoms, how do/did you deal with it?