Ask HN: I Need to Talk to Someone
72 comments
It's a difficult position. Many of us are teetering on the edge. I couldn't support my wife and I while she continued what she was working on, I had to move home with my parents while she continued on her own so at least one of us could move forward. I felt ashamed, unless, hopeless. We spent over 6 months apart, but our marriage survived, and so did I.
This really helped me:
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water,
and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.
I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light.
For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
- Wendell Berry
Get out into nature for a day, leave your phone at home, observe reality, walk. The world is mighty, and so are you. :)
This really helped me:
When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water,
and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought of grief.
I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light.
For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.
- Wendell Berry
Get out into nature for a day, leave your phone at home, observe reality, walk. The world is mighty, and so are you. :)
Absolutely lovely.
Not OP, but thank you for that.
Not OP, but thank you for that.
ChatGPT says "I felt ashamed, unless, hopeless." is not a grammatically correct sentence but it makes sense to me.
Probably the "unless" part made it think it was grammatically incorrect
It doesn't feel like it right now, but you're going to get through this.
If you need to vent, feel free to schedule a call with me
[1] https://calendly.com/taylor-town/30min
or shoot me an email
[2] [email protected]
I'm not a professional, so definitely consider finding one. I've been doing therapy for years, and it's really helpful:
[3] https://www.betterhelp.com
If you need to vent, feel free to schedule a call with me
[1] https://calendly.com/taylor-town/30min
or shoot me an email
[2] [email protected]
I'm not a professional, so definitely consider finding one. I've been doing therapy for years, and it's really helpful:
[3] https://www.betterhelp.com
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds like you've been through a lot in the past few months, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling hopeless and alone. It's great that your spouse has a good job, but I can imagine that the stress of not being able to find work is really tough on you.
I want you to know that you're not alone in this. There are many people who have been in similar situations, and there is help available. I'm here to listen to you and offer any support I can. There are a lot of options for you. O1 Visa is one of them.
In terms of practical help, have you considered reaching out to organizations or groups that offer support to people in your situation? They may be able to provide guidance on navigating the H1-B visa system and finding job opportunities. I can also help you research and find resources in your area.
Additionally, I encourage you to take care of your mental health during this difficult time. It's important to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed. There's no shame in asking for help, and it can make a big difference in how you feel.
Please know that I'm here for you and that there is hope for your situation. Let's work together to find a way forward. Please drop me an email : anand.bdk [at] gmail.com
I want you to know that you're not alone in this. There are many people who have been in similar situations, and there is help available. I'm here to listen to you and offer any support I can. There are a lot of options for you. O1 Visa is one of them.
In terms of practical help, have you considered reaching out to organizations or groups that offer support to people in your situation? They may be able to provide guidance on navigating the H1-B visa system and finding job opportunities. I can also help you research and find resources in your area.
Additionally, I encourage you to take care of your mental health during this difficult time. It's important to prioritize self-care and seek professional help if needed. There's no shame in asking for help, and it can make a big difference in how you feel.
Please know that I'm here for you and that there is hope for your situation. Let's work together to find a way forward. Please drop me an email : anand.bdk [at] gmail.com
To add on to this great and pragmatic reply about your job situation, I'd add this:
Even if things remain tough job-wise for the foreseeable future, are you able to derive self-worth from things in your life that aren't your occupation? It's a horrible situation and I wish you the best of luck - but perhaps you can take heart and hope in what else you have: your partner, do you have other things that can help construct (or reconstruct) how you see yourself? Jobs, as you've found out nastily, are transient and ultimately meaningless.
I hope things get better for you.
Even if things remain tough job-wise for the foreseeable future, are you able to derive self-worth from things in your life that aren't your occupation? It's a horrible situation and I wish you the best of luck - but perhaps you can take heart and hope in what else you have: your partner, do you have other things that can help construct (or reconstruct) how you see yourself? Jobs, as you've found out nastily, are transient and ultimately meaningless.
I hope things get better for you.
You're not alone. Believe me when I tell you this. This has been a rough stretch, even before COVID things were running on the bare edge of disaster, and then everything disintegrated.
I'm on one of those people who think about the single bullet cure when I'm shopping for groceries, so I've built up a little cabinet of mental tricks to keep it from happening until I'm good and ready.
Tad Friend's "Jumpers" (a long piece about people ending their lives from the Golden Gate) has kept me on this side of the Great Gate several times now over my forty-something years on this planet. I still read it a few times a year.. Specifically, the following passage:
https://archive.is/oy2Nd#selection-811.0-815.396
Survivors often regret their decision in midair, if not before. Ken Baldwin and Kevin Hines both say they hurdled over the railing, afraid that if they stood on the chord they might lose their courage. Baldwin was twenty-eight and severely depressed on the August day in 1985 when he told his wife not to expect him home till late. “I wanted to disappear,” he said. “So the Golden Gate was the spot. I’d heard that the water just sweeps you under.” On the bridge, Baldwin counted to ten and stayed frozen. He counted to ten again, then vaulted over. “I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
I'm on one of those people who think about the single bullet cure when I'm shopping for groceries, so I've built up a little cabinet of mental tricks to keep it from happening until I'm good and ready.
Tad Friend's "Jumpers" (a long piece about people ending their lives from the Golden Gate) has kept me on this side of the Great Gate several times now over my forty-something years on this planet. I still read it a few times a year.. Specifically, the following passage:
https://archive.is/oy2Nd#selection-811.0-815.396
Survivors often regret their decision in midair, if not before. Ken Baldwin and Kevin Hines both say they hurdled over the railing, afraid that if they stood on the chord they might lose their courage. Baldwin was twenty-eight and severely depressed on the August day in 1985 when he told his wife not to expect him home till late. “I wanted to disappear,” he said. “So the Golden Gate was the spot. I’d heard that the water just sweeps you under.” On the bridge, Baldwin counted to ten and stayed frozen. He counted to ten again, then vaulted over. “I still see my hands coming off the railing,” he said. As he crossed the chord in flight, Baldwin recalls, “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.”
Find a recruiter. We all get these emails/messages from them via LinkedIn and shrug them off, but they're insanely valuable in situations like these.
Apply to ~10 jobs a day, every single day, but don't work more than ~8h on it each day. Treat it like your new job: getting a job.
I applied to approx. 100 jobs, got 5 interviews and 2 offers over the course of two weeks, and the job I accepted was one the recruiter set up for me.
The recruiters cost nothing to you, they get paid by the company if you stick around for 3 months (or something). I stayed at the company I was hired into for 9 years.
I'm not good at comforting people, but I think it should help to know this is a very solvable problem. You got this!
I applied to approx. 100 jobs, got 5 interviews and 2 offers over the course of two weeks, and the job I accepted was one the recruiter set up for me.
The recruiters cost nothing to you, they get paid by the company if you stick around for 3 months (or something). I stayed at the company I was hired into for 9 years.
I'm not good at comforting people, but I think it should help to know this is a very solvable problem. You got this!
Don't tie your self-worth to your employment status. You're putting extra pressure on yourself, you can't control the hiring process. All you can control is whether or not you're putting your best effort forward and actively looking for work to the best, and I mean the best, of your ability.
Do not beat yourself up, and do not feel sorry for yourself. These are traps that will damage your self-esteem and could potentially sabotage your relationship.
Communicate with your partner. Tell them how you're feeling and get feedback.
Do not beat yourself up, and do not feel sorry for yourself. These are traps that will damage your self-esteem and could potentially sabotage your relationship.
Communicate with your partner. Tell them how you're feeling and get feedback.
Don't worry about PERM right now. You are in a better position because you can get on your wife's dependent visa. Once you find a job, wait until they can get your PERM filed. Once that is done, you can use the unused H1 time period.
Edit: could you tell us which state / city you're located in? You'd get targeted help from people, like referrals, or other help.
Edit: could you tell us which state / city you're located in? You'd get targeted help from people, like referrals, or other help.
Sorry to hear about your position. This is a brutal market. Please do reach out to me at my email (in my bio) and I'd be happy to lend an ear. And if you'd like I can take a look at your resume and make any introductions I can to folks I know looking for someone with your background.
My friend and I have been working on a job hunting playbook for the past few months on how to get interviews without a recognizable brand on your resume, in this down market. We wanted to do a show HN after a week or so once it's more polished, but heck I think it can help now so here it is: https://zerofactorial.xyz/get-interviews/intro.
Happy to help however I can, and hoping your situation gets better soon.
And please know that you're not alone. I'm glad to see the other comments here offering their contact info to chat with. In a sense we're in this together, and you have this community behind you, to help you in any way that it can.
Please take care my friend.
My friend and I have been working on a job hunting playbook for the past few months on how to get interviews without a recognizable brand on your resume, in this down market. We wanted to do a show HN after a week or so once it's more polished, but heck I think it can help now so here it is: https://zerofactorial.xyz/get-interviews/intro.
Happy to help however I can, and hoping your situation gets better soon.
And please know that you're not alone. I'm glad to see the other comments here offering their contact info to chat with. In a sense we're in this together, and you have this community behind you, to help you in any way that it can.
Please take care my friend.
You are unique on earth. Cherish that. Put yourself out there as you have been doing. Even if it takes a few more months, you have a support system through your spouse.
Showcase your CV/skills online for others to find you. Opportunities will come. Stay strong. This is just temporary.
Showcase your CV/skills online for others to find you. Opportunities will come. Stay strong. This is just temporary.
Your wife is your best friend, she married you to be your lifetime company, and to take care of you on your hard moments. So, LET her taking care of you. You would be doing the same for her, certainly.
Now, be the best husband for her. You have time, so keep the house clean, cook for her, be supportive, and keep motivated to find another job.
You will eventually find another thing. But REALIZE that you have your wife with you.
Now, be the best husband for her. You have time, so keep the house clean, cook for her, be supportive, and keep motivated to find another job.
You will eventually find another thing. But REALIZE that you have your wife with you.
You are not alone. I know how you feel. Was just laid off last month myself.
Several others in my company on H1B were also laid off- alto the company was "generous" enough to keep them on the books (at a token salary) for an additional 4 months to give them an extension while they look for work.
You are lucky to have a good spouse. Think about what you have. The market will come back- and you will find a job soon.
Several others in my company on H1B were also laid off- alto the company was "generous" enough to keep them on the books (at a token salary) for an additional 4 months to give them an extension while they look for work.
You are lucky to have a good spouse. Think about what you have. The market will come back- and you will find a job soon.
You have 2 very big problems happening at the same time:
1. You don't have a job
2. You are transitioning to a new career
Acknowledge this is very difficult situation. Usually people can deal with 1 problem at a time but its still very stressful. 2 is really hard. If you can deal with 3 you are a mensch. (eg: dealing with new baby, starting a company, deal with aged parent all at same time).
What you can do:
1. Work at your skills. Create a 40 hour schedule for yourself filled with job applications, becoming better at skills (educative.io is a great resource for indepth technical topics and interviewing skills ) .
2. Enjoy this break. Weird as this sounds - you have the rest of your life to work. What you can do is workout, get back into the best shape of yourlife. Travel either locally or with spouse - make sure she is happy.
3. Help others. Helping anyone will help your mental health tremendously. It can be at a soup kitchen or anywhere else. Help friends in similar situations. Write a blog for others in similar situation.
Acknowledge this is very difficult situation. Usually people can deal with 1 problem at a time but its still very stressful. 2 is really hard. If you can deal with 3 you are a mensch. (eg: dealing with new baby, starting a company, deal with aged parent all at same time).
What you can do:
1. Work at your skills. Create a 40 hour schedule for yourself filled with job applications, becoming better at skills (educative.io is a great resource for indepth technical topics and interviewing skills ) .
2. Enjoy this break. Weird as this sounds - you have the rest of your life to work. What you can do is workout, get back into the best shape of yourlife. Travel either locally or with spouse - make sure she is happy.
3. Help others. Helping anyone will help your mental health tremendously. It can be at a soup kitchen or anywhere else. Help friends in similar situations. Write a blog for others in similar situation.
OP, to add on to keeptrying, to the extent that you can afford to, and feel up to it, I recommend showing some work in public. Write something about your journey and your learning, every week, either on LinkedIn, on dev.to, or on a personal blog. This practice can help show progress: to yourself when you feel down; to friends, colleagues, and supporters when you talk about your struggles; and show consistency, initiative, commitment, and skill to interviewers and managers as you apply to new employers.
Don't do it so much that it becomes burdensome, but write a little about what you encounter and learn. It's important to have incremental goals that you can focus on day to day, while you pursue bigger goals. You are clearly already skilled and connected, may attending to your fears guide you to the more secure future you hope for.
Don't do it so much that it becomes burdensome, but write a little about what you encounter and learn. It's important to have incremental goals that you can focus on day to day, while you pursue bigger goals. You are clearly already skilled and connected, may attending to your fears guide you to the more secure future you hope for.
^^^ this is great advice.
For some of us (not all) taking a long break makes stuff worse because we are so identified with the whole work/money axis. If you’re like this, find ways to stay busy and make some income, even just a little, like driving Uber or cooking in a restaurant or whatever you might have up your sleeve. Remember that simple jobs can still be super satisfying when done well.
The advice about serving others is especially good. Acts of service have pulled me out of all kinds of dark places over the years, and surrounded me with people that remind me of how much real goodness there is in our otherwise cynical world.
For some of us (not all) taking a long break makes stuff worse because we are so identified with the whole work/money axis. If you’re like this, find ways to stay busy and make some income, even just a little, like driving Uber or cooking in a restaurant or whatever you might have up your sleeve. Remember that simple jobs can still be super satisfying when done well.
The advice about serving others is especially good. Acts of service have pulled me out of all kinds of dark places over the years, and surrounded me with people that remind me of how much real goodness there is in our otherwise cynical world.
Hopeless.
That's a tough word. It feels like a loop: The mere fact that I feel hopeless makes me feel worthless which makes me feel hopeless.
I've never struggled to find work but I've had two tragedies in my life that feel similar -- a very big loss that maybe has a way for you to assign blame to yourself (blame that is likely less deserved than how much is being assigned), a loss that feels like your future is blurry or that makes you feel like the dreams you planned on are not possible any longer. OK, that's probably a good place to stop with that ...
Let yourself feel hopeless for a little bit -- at least, don't let yourself feel guilty for "being normal". If you haven't already found a thousand people to talk to, reply and I'm sure we can figure out a way to exchange numbers outside of an HN comment thread (I'm pretty easy to track down). If not, I wish you and your spouse the best through all of this -- give them a hug; they're rooting/hurting for you, too.
[0] raises hand looks around puts hand down
That's a tough word. It feels like a loop: The mere fact that I feel hopeless makes me feel worthless which makes me feel hopeless.
I've never struggled to find work but I've had two tragedies in my life that feel similar -- a very big loss that maybe has a way for you to assign blame to yourself (blame that is likely less deserved than how much is being assigned), a loss that feels like your future is blurry or that makes you feel like the dreams you planned on are not possible any longer. OK, that's probably a good place to stop with that ...
You are by yourself in a car in a Burger King parking lot, but you are not alone.
You haven't given up. I don't believe you will.
Let yourself feel hopeless for a little bit -- at least, don't let yourself feel guilty for "being normal". If you haven't already found a thousand people to talk to, reply and I'm sure we can figure out a way to exchange numbers outside of an HN comment thread (I'm pretty easy to track down). If not, I wish you and your spouse the best through all of this -- give them a hug; they're rooting/hurting for you, too.
[0] raises hand looks around puts hand down
I don't mean this to sound like a trivial solution, and it will not address the bigger issues, but it will absolutely help you address the emotional issues and the need to be seen.
Start journaling. Uncensored. Write nonstop for 30 minutes. This will clear your head, feel like an emotional burden lifted, and help with the feeling of not being able to talk to anyone. All of this will make dealing with the actual issues much easier.
I have done therapy, and journaling every morning has the exact same cathartic effect for free.
Google "Morning Pages" and "The Artist's Way" for more info, but it's literally that simple, and it's surprisingly effective.
Start journaling. Uncensored. Write nonstop for 30 minutes. This will clear your head, feel like an emotional burden lifted, and help with the feeling of not being able to talk to anyone. All of this will make dealing with the actual issues much easier.
I have done therapy, and journaling every morning has the exact same cathartic effect for free.
Google "Morning Pages" and "The Artist's Way" for more info, but it's literally that simple, and it's surprisingly effective.
My wife has been on a worker visa, and while our situations have been different than yours, I can sympathize with the hopeless feeling on that front. It is a terrible feeling, and it is truly a feeling of hopelessness. My one recommendation is to focus on being in the present and what you can do right now. That sounds cliche, but you gotta focus on things that are within your control at this moment. While the layoffs and U.S. visa system are terrible and broken, it's ok to accept that brokenness, but it is bad to wallow in it and let your thoughts escape you and feedback over and over. Think about what you can do now, now as in the next 5 minutes, then 30 minutes, then 1 hour. Hug your spouse, cook your next meal, apply for jobs, etc. Maybe take a day or two without applying for jobs and take a hike or a small day trip or something with your spouse.
What about contacting your former company? What about your former boss or bosses there, a colleague, HR person, or all of these? If the layoffs were 6 months ago, it's always possible they are rehiring, even for your exact former position. Don't be afraid to explain your situation to them.
If you are on a dependent visa, does that mean you aren't in danger of having to leave the U.S.? I'm not sure if your spouse is a U.S. citizen or not, but are you allowed to apply for work authorization under whatever dependent visa you're on?
> I’m parked outside a Burger King parking lot in the car by myself and don’t have a clue on what I should do.
If you have any amount of insurance, please try to find a doctor, any doctor including your PCP, and get recommended to see a psychiatrist and therapist as soon as possible. If you don't have insurance, I'm not exactly sure of the steps, but you could still see a previous PCP or any family doctor to get some pointers and advice of how to move forward. That is what they are there for, and you definitely need it. Please follow through on this. You gotta make the phone calls.
In the meantime, do your best to eat well, get sleep, and try to work out in any way possible, even something as simple as morning and evening walks. You should see a doctor, but these are ways to help your body relieve itself of stress.
What about contacting your former company? What about your former boss or bosses there, a colleague, HR person, or all of these? If the layoffs were 6 months ago, it's always possible they are rehiring, even for your exact former position. Don't be afraid to explain your situation to them.
If you are on a dependent visa, does that mean you aren't in danger of having to leave the U.S.? I'm not sure if your spouse is a U.S. citizen or not, but are you allowed to apply for work authorization under whatever dependent visa you're on?
> I’m parked outside a Burger King parking lot in the car by myself and don’t have a clue on what I should do.
If you have any amount of insurance, please try to find a doctor, any doctor including your PCP, and get recommended to see a psychiatrist and therapist as soon as possible. If you don't have insurance, I'm not exactly sure of the steps, but you could still see a previous PCP or any family doctor to get some pointers and advice of how to move forward. That is what they are there for, and you definitely need it. Please follow through on this. You gotta make the phone calls.
In the meantime, do your best to eat well, get sleep, and try to work out in any way possible, even something as simple as morning and evening walks. You should see a doctor, but these are ways to help your body relieve itself of stress.
Can you send me your resume? I'm a Data Scientist, and can ask around in my circles if there is a job opening. Can't guarantee anything though.
Email is in my bio.
Email is in my bio.
I would recommend signing up for teamblind and reaching out to folks on LinkedIn who have the positions / experience you want to get. Look to just learn about their positions and if the rapport is good, get a referral for an application. Practice interviewing 3-4 hours a day with online interviews or with your spouse.
The market is not as good as it once was, but there are still plenty of openings and it only takes one offer.
The market is not as good as it once was, but there are still plenty of openings and it only takes one offer.
Blind is a toxic cesspool. Yes, it can be useful for certain things (compensation research, interview loops), but someone feeling down will be doing themselves a huge disservice by joining Blind in that state.
Put your number or email in your profile. You can make a free one with protonmail
I am sorry to hear this. I completely understand your stress. I was in the exact situation back in 2001 during the dot-com bust, and had to move to my spouse’s dependent visa for 6 months. It was a very tough time and luckily, it all worked out in the end. A lot of people have been in (and are going through) your situation, but I know that is cold comfort.
In hindsight, this experience initiated a lot of good changes in my life:
--It showed us that we (spouse and I) are a strong unit. We are more resilient than we thought, and don’t need a lot of material things to keep us happy and together. That realization was extremely powerful.
--I kickstarted my financial planning into high gear. We boosted our savings rate, planned for kids’ tuitions, paid off the mortgage early, etc. Since then, we always have 1 year’s worth of living expenses saved, in case both of us lost our jobs. All of that helped in taking our net worth to the top few %.
I would highly recommend reading “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius. There are other good books on stoic philosophy as well.
In hindsight, this experience initiated a lot of good changes in my life:
--It showed us that we (spouse and I) are a strong unit. We are more resilient than we thought, and don’t need a lot of material things to keep us happy and together. That realization was extremely powerful.
--I kickstarted my financial planning into high gear. We boosted our savings rate, planned for kids’ tuitions, paid off the mortgage early, etc. Since then, we always have 1 year’s worth of living expenses saved, in case both of us lost our jobs. All of that helped in taking our net worth to the top few %.
I would highly recommend reading “Meditations” by Marcus Aurelius. There are other good books on stoic philosophy as well.
I had a similar situation in 2007. I was out of work for 5 months. I eventually got a low level IT job. Got a better job from there. Got another better job from there, and by 2015 I was an FTE at a FANGMA company. All you can do is muscle your way through it. You wouldn't happen to be in the Raleigh area? If so I'd be down for meeting for coffee.
Make sure you're taking care of the home front. i.e. handling some cooking and cleaning and other chores while your wife is working. Don't let her come home to you watching tv. Apply to jobs every day. Even if it's just one. Don't give up and watch some cheeky david goggins videos if that helps. I don't know about visa stuff but you might have to start lowering your bar eventually just to get some cash coming in. Source: my dad went through this, didn't handle it very well and everything fell apart. So yea this shit can fuck you up so you need to step up now.
We're in an economic slump right now. We went from craziness to tech companies becoming like any other business. So many of us who were caught up in the craziness need to take a break for a while.
You will have a tough time ahead but you'll survive just fine too. Think one level lower on Maslow's hierarchy of needs for now. You have everything you need to survive. Going higher is on pause. For now.
Can I ask a question? Have you told your spouse? This is common in these situations. You don't want to put much on their shoulders but they'll just want to hug you and support you. So does everyone.
You will have a tough time ahead but you'll survive just fine too. Think one level lower on Maslow's hierarchy of needs for now. You have everything you need to survive. Going higher is on pause. For now.
Can I ask a question? Have you told your spouse? This is common in these situations. You don't want to put much on their shoulders but they'll just want to hug you and support you. So does everyone.
Check out https://gotechchicago.com/h1b/ if it might be an option for your situation. Hoping for the best for you.
Consider joining the military!
- You can get naturalized. https://www.uscis.gov/military/naturalization-through-milita...
- It's the U.S. Military, so pretty good record on the whole. Maybe if you look the other way on Vietnam, Abu Ghraib, Blackwater, misbehaved politicians and their silly e-mail servers, and the fact that it can kind of be ugly business.
- Free college, if you have kids you can confer it to them.
- It's a job, dollar-amount-wise pay won't be competitive, but it's non-zero, and yields non-cash benefits such as the VA loan, aforementioned GI bill, and a litany of other benefits from both state and federal government. https://www.va.gov/opa/publications/benefits_book/2020_Feder...
- May be able to select your own job, and get a standard technical career education in that trade.
- Sense of duty, discipline, world-class paralegal-type education/MBA-type organizational-business operations exposure, physical-health-type education and training. (MBAs aren't too popular around here, but the frustrating language they use to discuss things is pervasive and hence useful). In all likelihood, you'll skip away with a lot of soft-skills, a stronger body, a wallet, a retirement fund, and a diverse set of friends. As the Military is bound to law, every action must be assessed in terms of law, and all activities are governed by law. Well-meaning contributors over hundreds of years have written law, orders, doctrine, policy, manual, and regulation often in blood, you get to pick that all up.
- Huge community of invested contributors, VFW/American Legion admission, common ground with many Americans as the DoD is the world's largest employer.
- There's options to potentially serve locally such as Guard or Reserve, you might reach out to local recruiters from different branches to find out if that's an option.
You can check out the service-sites for more details, or maybe walk in to a recruiter's station and see if they're like, there.
- You can get naturalized. https://www.uscis.gov/military/naturalization-through-milita...
- It's the U.S. Military, so pretty good record on the whole. Maybe if you look the other way on Vietnam, Abu Ghraib, Blackwater, misbehaved politicians and their silly e-mail servers, and the fact that it can kind of be ugly business.
- Free college, if you have kids you can confer it to them.
- It's a job, dollar-amount-wise pay won't be competitive, but it's non-zero, and yields non-cash benefits such as the VA loan, aforementioned GI bill, and a litany of other benefits from both state and federal government. https://www.va.gov/opa/publications/benefits_book/2020_Feder...
- May be able to select your own job, and get a standard technical career education in that trade.
- Sense of duty, discipline, world-class paralegal-type education/MBA-type organizational-business operations exposure, physical-health-type education and training. (MBAs aren't too popular around here, but the frustrating language they use to discuss things is pervasive and hence useful). In all likelihood, you'll skip away with a lot of soft-skills, a stronger body, a wallet, a retirement fund, and a diverse set of friends. As the Military is bound to law, every action must be assessed in terms of law, and all activities are governed by law. Well-meaning contributors over hundreds of years have written law, orders, doctrine, policy, manual, and regulation often in blood, you get to pick that all up.
- Huge community of invested contributors, VFW/American Legion admission, common ground with many Americans as the DoD is the world's largest employer.
- There's options to potentially serve locally such as Guard or Reserve, you might reach out to local recruiters from different branches to find out if that's an option.
You can check out the service-sites for more details, or maybe walk in to a recruiter's station and see if they're like, there.
You can't join the military as a non-immigrant alien except for very narrow circumstances [1] for people who have had valid visa status for two years and have specific language skills [2] or medical qualifications. Requires 4 years of active duty for language candidates.
edit: Actually it looks like this program was suspended years ago and hasn't resumed.
[1] https://www.stilt.com/blog/2021/06/mavni-program/#Who_Is_Eli... [2] https://dod.defense.gov/news/mavni-fact-sheet.pdf
Albanian, Amharic, Arabic, Azerbaijani, Bengali, Bulgarian, Burmese, Cambodian-Khmer, Cebuano, Chinese, Czech, Dhivehi (language of Maldives), French (limited to individuals possessing citizenship from an African country), Georgian, Haitian-Creole, Hausa, Hindi, Hungarian, Igbo, Indonesian, Kashmiri, Korean, Kurdish, Lao, Malay, Malayalam, Moro, Nepalese, Pahari, Persian [Dari & Farsi], Polish, Portuguese, Punjabi, Pushtu (aka Pashto), Russian, Serbo, Croatian, Sindhi, Sinhalese, Somali, Swahili, Tagalog, Tajik, Tamil, Thai, Turkish, Turkmen, Ukrainian, Urdu, Uzbek ,Yoruba
edit: Actually it looks like this program was suspended years ago and hasn't resumed.
[1] https://www.stilt.com/blog/2021/06/mavni-program/#Who_Is_Eli... [2] https://dod.defense.gov/news/mavni-fact-sheet.pdf
Albanian, Amharic, Arabic, Azerbaijani, Bengali, Bulgarian, Burmese, Cambodian-Khmer, Cebuano, Chinese, Czech, Dhivehi (language of Maldives), French (limited to individuals possessing citizenship from an African country), Georgian, Haitian-Creole, Hausa, Hindi, Hungarian, Igbo, Indonesian, Kashmiri, Korean, Kurdish, Lao, Malay, Malayalam, Moro, Nepalese, Pahari, Persian [Dari & Farsi], Polish, Portuguese, Punjabi, Pushtu (aka Pashto), Russian, Serbo, Croatian, Sindhi, Sinhalese, Somali, Swahili, Tagalog, Tajik, Tamil, Thai, Turkish, Turkmen, Ukrainian, Urdu, Uzbek ,Yoruba
I'll admit that I'm not brushed-up, so I brushed up.
DoDI 1304.26[0] describes department-specific requirements, and points back to USC 10 for the legal requirements. USC10 S504(b) lays out the specific requirements, namely "... lawfully admitted for permanent residence[2] ..." and in-addition, as you point out, there exists program-exceptions performed or maintained by the SecDef. A report by the Deparment of Homeland Security suggests that some immigrant visas meet this criteria[3]. There's also a pretty long list of spouse-visas that constitute LPR[4].
So, it's still possible. A recruiter would know more, or at least know someone who knows more. Where there's a will, there's a way. Notice these are all primary sources, with a favor towards the authoritative information. If you're a stickler though, you could pull the PDFs direct from congress, but that's as much fun as reversing a box of punch cards.
[0] DoDI 1304.26 Encl. 3, 2(b) https://www.esd.whs.mil/Portals/54/Documents/DD/issuances/do...
[1] USC10 504(b) https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/10/504
[2] https://www.law.cornell.edu/definitions/uscode.php?width=840...
[3] https://www.dhs.gov/sites/default/files/2023-02/2022_0405_pl...
[4] https://www.dhs.gov/immigration-statistics/lawful-permanent-...
DoDI 1304.26[0] describes department-specific requirements, and points back to USC 10 for the legal requirements. USC10 S504(b) lays out the specific requirements, namely "... lawfully admitted for permanent residence[2] ..." and in-addition, as you point out, there exists program-exceptions performed or maintained by the SecDef. A report by the Deparment of Homeland Security suggests that some immigrant visas meet this criteria[3]. There's also a pretty long list of spouse-visas that constitute LPR[4].
So, it's still possible. A recruiter would know more, or at least know someone who knows more. Where there's a will, there's a way. Notice these are all primary sources, with a favor towards the authoritative information. If you're a stickler though, you could pull the PDFs direct from congress, but that's as much fun as reversing a box of punch cards.
[0] DoDI 1304.26 Encl. 3, 2(b) https://www.esd.whs.mil/Portals/54/Documents/DD/issuances/do...
[1] USC10 504(b) https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/10/504
[2] https://www.law.cornell.edu/definitions/uscode.php?width=840...
[3] https://www.dhs.gov/sites/default/files/2023-02/2022_0405_pl...
[4] https://www.dhs.gov/immigration-statistics/lawful-permanent-...
I'm not sure how posting a bunch of links that say you have to be a lawful permanent resident support your case that you don't have to be a lawful permanent resident. You think this guy just accidentally forgot he's a lawful permanent resident and got a H1B?
No there isn't a way for an H1B to join the military. Try the French Foreign Legion. Also Ukraine and Russia are hiring.
No there isn't a way for an H1B to join the military. Try the French Foreign Legion. Also Ukraine and Russia are hiring.
The links are simply a copy of a primary source for the correct legal stipulations, and are hence adjacent to a wholistic view.
You also seem to have confidently misread the situation, because OP does not indicate his specific current visa, since his spouse's visa may be that of a lawful permanent resident.
You also seem to have confidently misread the situation, because OP does not indicate his specific current visa, since his spouse's visa may be that of a lawful permanent resident.
As those links state, to enlist in the military he would need to be a lawful permanent resident and in that case he wouldn't need to enlist in the military.
And if his wife were a permanent resident, he would also qualify to be a permanent resident and again not need to enlist in the military.
And if his wife were a permanent resident, he would also qualify to be a permanent resident and again not need to enlist in the military.
The military program is suspended. Someone I've heard of managed to get through that but it's not currently running.
My phone number is +1-312-361-0355. It's best to call me on Signal but normal phone calls/sms also work.
Call me any time 24/7.
Call me any time 24/7.
There are still lots of jobs out there, unemployment is at historic lows. You have a lot going for you, your wife is employed and you have a year. Talk to an immigration lawyer for your options, including going home. Also suggest a more relevant headline. HN is not a counseling site so people may downvote without reading.
Chin up, mate. Things are crap now but they'll turn around.
I’m here for you. phone # in my profile (for a couple days)
Been there when I lost my first company, 200 job applications and 6 months of misery, happy to chat if time zones work - email in my bio.
You will get through this.
You will get through this.
Isn't freelancing an option?
I am sometimes hiring on UpWork and I can tell you that competent, motivated freelancers with good English skills are super rare.
I am sometimes hiring on UpWork and I can tell you that competent, motivated freelancers with good English skills are super rare.
No. With the H1B you can only work for the company on your I-129.
I know the stress of being a career switcher as I'm one myself. Your circumstance isn't reflection on you just a super bad job market
How did you get an H1B in the first place if you've only recently switched from construction?
There are a lot of jobs that are available for H1-B transfers (only). Search LinkedIn, etc.
A lot of extremely uninformed advise in this thread. Just so you know H1B has a hard cap with no exceptions: 6 years after which you cannot work in the US, unless you have PERM approved, or live outside the US for 1 full calendar year and apply for the H1B CAP again. H1B transfers will not help OP if he has only 1 year left because it's not enough time to get PERM approved. Advise like this can be harmful, immigration law in the US is very complex and full of pitfalls that get people deported.
Sorry, I didn't realize that there was a timing issue.
I’m in somewhat similar boat with H1b.
Feel free to reach me at [email protected].
Feel free to reach me at [email protected].
[deleted]
Market moves in cycles. This is temporary.
Move to another country?
Lots of jobs in Japan..
Lots of jobs in Japan..
Others here will have technical solutions/make progress solutions. So I will recommend how to have enough breathing room to keep moving forward (I'm an unhirable ex-con whose having a rough go but has kids so getting to a good place is the ONLY acceptable option so I'm starting my own biz). For me its:
Come up with songs that can break your mind out of whatever loop it is in at the moment. Mix these songs into a playlist of other music or identify ones that already come up. For me its: Madonna resets me to past moments (say a specific time in the 1980s eating at a pizzeria with my no longer living mother and Madonna is playing, a time when I felt very safe, comfortable, and loved). Tom Petty is the universe telling me it will be all right, etc. Bands/songs not too common in your playlist but common enough that they will snap you out of whatever state you need snapping out of a couple of times a day. This gives you a little space/breathing room throughout the day. It's an extra way for you to tell yourself to remember to breath. Obviously it's not actually the universe talking to you, but like a Labrador fixated on playing fetch that wont stop barking, you need something to break the stress loop you are in in the moment. So for now it IS the universe telling you it will be OK.
Meditation and intention in the morning and at night. In the morning it is to prepare you for the crap that will come up during the day so you aren't totally white knuckling things as they come up, at night it's to process enough that you can sleep. This needs to be at a regular time and you need to go to sleep/wake up consistently to meet these times. Alternatively journal if you aren't good at meditating. The morning define your fears for the day and possible bad outcomes (I imagine all the VISA stuff is as stressful as court sentencing day, don't go into that stuff cold turkey) and that while they suck and can be life changing, life WILL go on. Once you are done let the stress of those items go until they happen. If you can't let go, keep mediating/writing why you are still stressed, until you exhaust that stress/worry monkey. Life WILL go on, I promise! I have weekly hourly phone calls with my son when he completely cut me out of his life in the past, but only because I keep troding forward with intention. For years I had no one, living in hell in prison, but I kept living with intention, and now I get to hear my son say he loves me again.
An hourly (or better half hour) alarm on your phone. When it goes off jog in place for 2 minutes or do 5-50 pushups (what you can do). This helps reset my brain to a productive less manic/panicked/stressed state. Do not ignore or snooze. Do it. Every time. It will help other ways as being this stressed will have physical tolls. This might be super prisony and bad advice but it helps me. (But I lived in a space as small as an elevator with another person, bunk bed, desk, chair, 2 lockers and 1X1 foot window for a year during covid so yeah this may be an unhealthy prison coping mechanism).
Eat as healthy as you can. Minimal sugar/nasty fats. Do not reward yourself/use junkfood as your escape. Stress is already high on your body. I don't run my car at top speed/readline and give it bad gas and not change the oil and then expect to get very far. In the same vain get the right amount of sleep (not too little, not depression level too much). Allow a single 15-30 minute nap at a fixed time if needed. Routine is the easiest way to do this.
From the health food store look into: L-Theanine Lithium Orotate
Theanine helps me be calm when I start to get past tilt (but at the expense of motivation). Lithium Orotate is maybe sketchy. I'm at a point where I needed it but an weaning off.
If you have insurance then obviously a doctor can get you something better to deal with anxiety, but if you are in the USA and insuranceless and dependant on random supplements that's what I got.
Remember you are loved and worthy of love. Communicate with your partner don't isolate. Be kind to yourself. Don't allow yourself or the voice in your head to beat you up, that is 0% productive. Rethinking on actions/events/stresses/fears is for during meditation/journaling time and with intention, not dwelling on them unhealthy in the moment when it serves no purpose and is destructive, self defeating or wasting energy that needs to go towards productivity.
Keep your head up brother (or sister)!
Come up with songs that can break your mind out of whatever loop it is in at the moment. Mix these songs into a playlist of other music or identify ones that already come up. For me its: Madonna resets me to past moments (say a specific time in the 1980s eating at a pizzeria with my no longer living mother and Madonna is playing, a time when I felt very safe, comfortable, and loved). Tom Petty is the universe telling me it will be all right, etc. Bands/songs not too common in your playlist but common enough that they will snap you out of whatever state you need snapping out of a couple of times a day. This gives you a little space/breathing room throughout the day. It's an extra way for you to tell yourself to remember to breath. Obviously it's not actually the universe talking to you, but like a Labrador fixated on playing fetch that wont stop barking, you need something to break the stress loop you are in in the moment. So for now it IS the universe telling you it will be OK.
Meditation and intention in the morning and at night. In the morning it is to prepare you for the crap that will come up during the day so you aren't totally white knuckling things as they come up, at night it's to process enough that you can sleep. This needs to be at a regular time and you need to go to sleep/wake up consistently to meet these times. Alternatively journal if you aren't good at meditating. The morning define your fears for the day and possible bad outcomes (I imagine all the VISA stuff is as stressful as court sentencing day, don't go into that stuff cold turkey) and that while they suck and can be life changing, life WILL go on. Once you are done let the stress of those items go until they happen. If you can't let go, keep mediating/writing why you are still stressed, until you exhaust that stress/worry monkey. Life WILL go on, I promise! I have weekly hourly phone calls with my son when he completely cut me out of his life in the past, but only because I keep troding forward with intention. For years I had no one, living in hell in prison, but I kept living with intention, and now I get to hear my son say he loves me again.
An hourly (or better half hour) alarm on your phone. When it goes off jog in place for 2 minutes or do 5-50 pushups (what you can do). This helps reset my brain to a productive less manic/panicked/stressed state. Do not ignore or snooze. Do it. Every time. It will help other ways as being this stressed will have physical tolls. This might be super prisony and bad advice but it helps me. (But I lived in a space as small as an elevator with another person, bunk bed, desk, chair, 2 lockers and 1X1 foot window for a year during covid so yeah this may be an unhealthy prison coping mechanism).
Eat as healthy as you can. Minimal sugar/nasty fats. Do not reward yourself/use junkfood as your escape. Stress is already high on your body. I don't run my car at top speed/readline and give it bad gas and not change the oil and then expect to get very far. In the same vain get the right amount of sleep (not too little, not depression level too much). Allow a single 15-30 minute nap at a fixed time if needed. Routine is the easiest way to do this.
From the health food store look into: L-Theanine Lithium Orotate
Theanine helps me be calm when I start to get past tilt (but at the expense of motivation). Lithium Orotate is maybe sketchy. I'm at a point where I needed it but an weaning off.
If you have insurance then obviously a doctor can get you something better to deal with anxiety, but if you are in the USA and insuranceless and dependant on random supplements that's what I got.
Remember you are loved and worthy of love. Communicate with your partner don't isolate. Be kind to yourself. Don't allow yourself or the voice in your head to beat you up, that is 0% productive. Rethinking on actions/events/stresses/fears is for during meditation/journaling time and with intention, not dwelling on them unhealthy in the moment when it serves no purpose and is destructive, self defeating or wasting energy that needs to go towards productivity.
Keep your head up brother (or sister)!
[deleted]
jacobriis(3)
Most companies don’t want to hire me because of the delays in the processing of PERM these days since I have just a year left. And I just recently switched careers from construction to data.
Feeling really hopeless and alone. My spouse has a good job, but this stress of not getting any work has been devastating to me. It took me around 8 months of job searching to find a role as a career switcher and now I’m back to square one in a bad market. I don’t have anybody I can talk to and just want to talk about my problems.
I’m parked outside a Burger King parking lot in the car by myself and don’t have a clue on what I should do.
Feeling hopeless.