annie_muss

10 miesięcy temudiscuss

Not great. I've been trying to get into a real "career" track software job for the best part of a decade. I study, work on side projects, got to events regularly. And now the job market is even worse. I'm starting to feel like I've missed the boat. I wonder what would've happened if I had managed to get a job with chances to progress, learn and improve 10 years ago. I dream of earning 6 figures, people make it sound like it is so easy. I'll pick up any tech stack, go into any industry, move around the world, whatever it takes.

annie_muss

11 miesięcy temudiscuss

There's a lot of advice here about using technical means to block youtube. If that works for you and solves your problem then fantastic. I am genuinely happy for you.

However, I suspect it won't. It never worked for me.

Firstly, any blocker you setup yourself you can take down yourself. You might find that it works for a day or two but then you feel really awful and binge youtube even more than normal.

Secondly, blocking tools are a tacit acknowledgment that you have given up and can't control yourself. "My willpower is just too bad. There's no way I can control myself. I need a tool to do it for me." This is the opposite of the feeling your want to cultivate. You want to feel more in control of yourself and your actions and be able to direct your attention accordingly.

Unfortunately, there are no silver bullets. There is no one little trick that will solve everything for you. That said, there are things you can do that will help a lot.

Get in touch with your emotions. Find out what triggers send you to youtube. Here's an example for me:

Think about important essay that is due soon --> worry and dread about academic performance --> watch youtube to forget about it.

This is probably happening in a blink of an eye. Probably so quickly that you don't even notice. If you can start noticing and naming your emotions you can deal with them more constructively.

Positive emotions can be triggers too.

I'm so excited about this new hobby I'm into --> I'm going to research it on youtube --> 3 hours watching videos about painting but not doing any painting.

Now, there's nothing inherently wrong with this. But if you can notice the emotions you can start to redirect them and work with them.

annie_muss

12 miesięcy temudiscuss

This article really makes sense.

I think back on my past and all the evil actions I have taken have all been fed by very low self-worth and insecurity.

When you think of yourself as below everyone else, trying to bring them down to your level with malicious acts can feel like quite reasonable. You're "punching up" so you can feel a sense of righteous justification.

It's only looking back that I realize I wasn't nearly as weak as I thought.

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

I have spoken to a few therapists. I usually felt pretty good after speaking to them, maybe for a week or so but slip back into my old habits. Unfortunately, where I live therapy is not covered by health insurance so it's hard to afford.

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

I think this is a helpful reframing, and I have spent time in my life trying to eliminate any possible issues: Improving nutrition, exercise, socialization etc. But my ability stay focused and work on tasks seems essentially random.

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

I was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago as an adult. I take medication for it and try my best to apply strategies but it is hard going. I wrote down some simple todos at 9am this morning but it's the end of the day now and I've done maybe 30 minutes of focused work and the rest browsing the internet.

The confusing thing is sometimes I have days when I do manage to do work, but I can never see what I do differently on those days to other days.

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

The problem is I know that I am completely addicted, but I cannot stop. I feel like I'm the alcoholic drinking a bottle of vodka a day. I have tried to give up many times but I just can't crack it. Every time I have a good day the next day just slides right back into addiction. I probably average around 5-10 hours of pointless screen time a day (scrolling random youtube clips. Researching items I will never buy. Fantasizing about jobs I can never get. )

I have tried all kinds of blocking software and strategies. Blocking software, however elaborate, never seems to make a different. You find one way or another to get around the block and then after a while turning off the block just becomes part of your muscle memory. The most extreme thing I tried was cutting off the internet to my house and going back to a dumbphone for 6 months. For sure, I probably had less screen time. But I also spent many hours sitting in the station using the public wifi or watching hours and hours of pointless television.

This is a really tough nut to crack. I think there is probably no technological solution to it.

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

My worry about any new system, todolist, app etc is that when the initial busy of energy wears off I'll be back to square one. The novelty and energy that I have at the start is impossible to maintain, but I need novelty to engage with tasks

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

When I see stories like this I always wonder "How did you get and keep jobs at meta and Pinterest if you have a procrastination problem?"

I procrastinated so badly I could never apply for jobs. And the jobs I did get I lost quickly due to the same procrastination.

annie_muss

w zeszłym rokudiscuss

Perhaps it's not a success story, but I have a definite improvement story.

I find accepting and making peace with my problems (paradoxically) helps improve the problem.

I am going through a particularly low dip right now. I haven't done any work in the last 4 days. I tried a 4 minute pomodoro timer yesterday and 2 minutes in I was already completely off task.

In the past I would panic, worry, think "Why me and my terrible executive function?" or "What if I can never do anything again ever". Instead I am accepting that this is the issue I have and keeping a curious, open mind to possible solutions. I'm trying out taking longer breaks, changing up my workspace, body doubling, nutrition, timers, not trying to do anything etc.

I'm sure it will swing back the other way in its own time.

Of course I would love to be able to be consistently able to work, but that is not a reality for me. In the same way I would love to be able to run 100m in 9.6 seconds but that is also just not realistic.

Other comments here are good too: eat well, sleep enough, exercise regularly. This is a good baseline to have but these things alone never fixed my issues.

annie_muss

2 lata temudiscuss

I have taken a properly administered IQ test. I scored 135 in one area and 89 in another. My main issue is I have very poor working memory. Luckily, we have technology to compensate for our deficiencies.

* I write everything down on calendars, to do lists, planners etc. * I have a smart speaker in every room so I can capture pieces of information as soon as I know about them. * I use many different kinds of timers to remind me of tasks, or to switch tasks from one to another. * I use checklists to help complete daily processes.

The best thing you can do is acknowledge your weaknesses, reflect on situations where you struggle and find specific techniques or processes that improve the outcome for you. It won't happen overnight. Good luck!

annie_muss

4 lata temudiscuss

This resonates with me a lot. I've been through a lot of jobs, each time starting with a combination of excitement ("Yay, I got the job!") and fear ("I hope I don't mess this one up. I've really gotta keep it for at least a year"). The novelty of a new job pushes you through the first month or two, and then things get harder and harder to complete. My mind is buzzing with thoughts, ideas, side projects and they slowly creep into your brain. Before you know it you're sitting at you computer for 8 hours but getting nothing done.

Wishing your brother the best.