Ask HN: How did you manage your stress or recover from depression?
31 comments
I was very depressed for a very long time. Here is my philosophy.
First, I have learned to define depression as “A captulation to loss of control.” By that I mean, to be depressed you must (a) feel like your life sucks and (b) believe you can’t do anything about it.
This is effectively the story of the elephant who spent it’s life chained to a wall who, when the chain was removed, still acted like it was chained to the wall.
The cure to feeling out of control is to systematically start controlling small things and then working up to large things.
My method to get out of depression goes like this:
Wake up. Get out of bed. Make my bed (easy to control). Brush my teeth. Take a shower. Get coffee. Clean my room. Clean & vacuum my house. ...(other stuff). Address the thing that is actually bothering me.
After that point I add more and more challenging things. It is a ramp, from small and local to prove to myself I control my environment up to things that are really bothering me.
I call this my “stop being anxious and depressed plan” and I do the plan. By the time I am up to item 5 I start to feel better.
Life is very, very complicated. Depression is very hard because it is frequently the result of multiple things at once that create a self fulfilling feedback loop.
The most important thing I ever learned was “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.” This is effectively the practice of arguing yourself out of limiting or negative beliefs.
If you are as depressed as I used to be, you are infested with lots of negative beliefs that are preprogrammed. To stop being depressed you need to trap and eliminate all these little beliefs.
CBT was the turning point for me, after that I stopped being depressed forever.
First, I have learned to define depression as “A captulation to loss of control.” By that I mean, to be depressed you must (a) feel like your life sucks and (b) believe you can’t do anything about it.
This is effectively the story of the elephant who spent it’s life chained to a wall who, when the chain was removed, still acted like it was chained to the wall.
The cure to feeling out of control is to systematically start controlling small things and then working up to large things.
My method to get out of depression goes like this:
Wake up. Get out of bed. Make my bed (easy to control). Brush my teeth. Take a shower. Get coffee. Clean my room. Clean & vacuum my house. ...(other stuff). Address the thing that is actually bothering me.
After that point I add more and more challenging things. It is a ramp, from small and local to prove to myself I control my environment up to things that are really bothering me.
I call this my “stop being anxious and depressed plan” and I do the plan. By the time I am up to item 5 I start to feel better.
Life is very, very complicated. Depression is very hard because it is frequently the result of multiple things at once that create a self fulfilling feedback loop.
The most important thing I ever learned was “Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.” This is effectively the practice of arguing yourself out of limiting or negative beliefs.
If you are as depressed as I used to be, you are infested with lots of negative beliefs that are preprogrammed. To stop being depressed you need to trap and eliminate all these little beliefs.
CBT was the turning point for me, after that I stopped being depressed forever.
Thank you for this very well written and helpful comment.
I did not have depression but was very stressed and generally agitated/unsatisfied/tired. This year I decided to take most of my yearly vacation in July, like many people here do. In the past I'd take 2 weeks at a time - this time I took 5 weeks. At the same time I read a book about the importance of sleep, which also explained that sleep deprivation leads to stress, anxiety, and other emotional and cognitive problems. During my vacation I practiced good sleeping habits which I maintain today. I think next year I'll take 4 weeks off instead of 5, but just pausing to take some time off and get my sleep in order has helped tremendously with stress and general life satisfaction.
antidepressant. I know it's a bit controversial but... at some point your nervous system is not working properly, and there is no way you can heal if your nervous system continues to overheat. Antidepressant allowed me to calm it down, regulate it, to be able to sleep again, and start the (needed) psychological work with a therapist. Both have to go together. It can take months or years. But you'll fight it ultimately, trust me.
Curious to know if you ever got off anti depressants? Or youre still on them?
No i got off it. I thought it would take 3 months (naive hope). It took 18 months. It was a liquid solution, I had to take 7 drops per day. I had to decrease the dose VERY progressively. I took my time. It was rally a small dose at the end. But I wanted to be safe.
Again, it goes together with a proper therapy. One without the other is useless. So I progressed a lot during my therapy, which allowed me to decrease the dose.
It's been 2 years I dont need antidepressant, and I dont think I will ever need it again. I am completely cured :)
Recovering from depression: seeing a phycologist, starting on sertralin(antidepressants) and getting peace of mind by removing a big project that was waiting for me for "when I recovered".
Managing stress: through the above journey I learned to better identify when im getting and why I'm getting stressed, and act on it.
And generally ive become better at distancing myself emotionally from project.
Managing stress: through the above journey I learned to better identify when im getting and why I'm getting stressed, and act on it.
And generally ive become better at distancing myself emotionally from project.
I joined the Marine Corps. That was ~20 years ago now and it helped me in immeasurable ways. I was a pretty crappy teen - suicidal, drugs, problems with authority - and decided I wanted to fix that.
The Corps taught me to be confident and that helped me leaps and bounds... until my wife became unfaithful and financial stress started to pile up.
For the past 4 years I leaned on medication to help me with the anxiety and depression and only this week I have begun working with my doctor to taper off of the medication. I'm at a place in life now where I don't need the crutch anymore and the medication severely impacts my creativity. It was the right choice at the time, but I'm ready to take on the world again.
The Corps taught me to be confident and that helped me leaps and bounds... until my wife became unfaithful and financial stress started to pile up.
For the past 4 years I leaned on medication to help me with the anxiety and depression and only this week I have begun working with my doctor to taper off of the medication. I'm at a place in life now where I don't need the crutch anymore and the medication severely impacts my creativity. It was the right choice at the time, but I'm ready to take on the world again.
Shift in perspective. Facing the facts.
1) Every creature (you and others) is going to the grave no matter what. No one gets out alive. 2) You're alive for now. That in itself is enough to start taking control of what you wish to experience inside yourself. 3) The current moments cannot be changed at this point in time, but they can be used to start looking at possibilities in situations ahead in life. 4) You are actually responsible for everything that is happening within you. So it is definitely possible to change that.
1) Every creature (you and others) is going to the grave no matter what. No one gets out alive. 2) You're alive for now. That in itself is enough to start taking control of what you wish to experience inside yourself. 3) The current moments cannot be changed at this point in time, but they can be used to start looking at possibilities in situations ahead in life. 4) You are actually responsible for everything that is happening within you. So it is definitely possible to change that.
Quit my job to read and code for shits and giggles.
Serious question: How are you keeping body and soul together?
In what sense? I keep improving as a programmer (a lot, like my skills have gotten so much better since quitting). You contribute to open source. You read shit from your reading list. You can make time to meet people if you feel like talking to someone. The possibilities are infinite.
In the sense of making money to pay the bills. I'm sure all of us would love to just do stuff for shits and grins, but most of us aren't independently wealthy.
I’m not independently wealthy. I saved a lot, and invested a bit. I’ll run out of money eventually unless I launch something (which I’m in the process of).
Real hero
I’ve convinced two friends (who were also disenchanted with their jobs) to do the same. They’ve never been happier.
I wish I was like you
Exercise and socializing. Find yourself a new woman and you'll be out of the hole in no time!
May not apply to everyone. For me, more socializing means I feel worse. I’m happiest when I can spend as much time alone as possible. If I spend too much time around people and in social situations it immediately affects my stress levels.
God and discipline.
I also used time blocking to do things even when I wasn't in the mood to.
I also used time blocking to do things even when I wasn't in the mood to.
exercise, a lot of walk in parks, daily and also when feeling in "hell" during the day, and also developing a spirituality, very important to find a way to deal with the bigger questions...
my got over my deep depression with therapy and medication ( prozac ).
and keep my chronic depression under control with the therapy. i really should be doing some exercise, hit the gym, but still struggling with this one.
Learned an amazing meditation yesterday, can teach you if you need help.
exercise, no alcohol, minimal caffeine
Wellbutrin
i only thinking about best case scenario. that's keep me happy and motivated.
- Identify cause(s) of stress. Operate on that cause. Address symptoms but work on the underlying cause.
- Depression is not simple but consider if your depression is about past or future. Either direction is a problem that needs to be addressed by being more present in the now.
I had massive eczema and a host of other issues caused by stress. Nothing helped, eg creams, diet, meditation etc. The source of stress was ultimately incompetent management where I worked. Bad schedules, faulty deadlines, poor environment. I put up with it long enough to prepare my escape to a new role elsewhere. Within 3 months at new position my skin issues vanished, I lost quite a bit of weight, I had more energy. My depression dropped off significantly.
Various drugs might help with symptoms but if they aren’t addressing the underlying cause they can prolong the issue rather than solve it. Don’t ignore medications that address an underlying cause of symptoms either.
One final catchall: go to a dentist, doctors. Get full blood work tests. Make sure you eliminate all the “stupid simple” deficiencies or factors that are easy to fix. Vitamin D is one of these for depression. I’m definitely sensitive to that and it was an early cause we eliminated through just me being outside more and supplements. It helped a bit.