Survival Tips for Women in Tech (2018)(patricia.no)
patricia.no
Survival Tips for Women in Tech (2018)
https://patricia.no/2018/09/06/survival_tips_for_women_in_tech.html
21 comments
I like the list, but don't like the adversarial tone. I don't think it's me vs. men all the time. Some men are jerks, most are not. More actionables:
* Remove "just" from your vocabulary, emails, talks, everything. "I just want you to be aware that ..." "I'm just doing this to..." "It's just that ..." "Just making sure ..." Trim 100%.
* Bake cakes, participate in office pot-lucks or whatever. Never be part of the setup/cleanup crew (have you noticed they are almost always women, admins type). This makes you a jerk, true, but disassociates you from the soft-skills crew. Until the cleanup crew becomes frequently and mostly men, stay away.
* You're eventually going to have to fight for something you care about. Pick battles 1) that you can win; 2) with someone above your weight. How do you become a blackbelt? By beating a blackbelt. It's no thing to gainsay some design decision made by the FNG, better to convert a decision made by someone seen as your technical equivalent or superior.
* Remove "just" from your vocabulary, emails, talks, everything. "I just want you to be aware that ..." "I'm just doing this to..." "It's just that ..." "Just making sure ..." Trim 100%.
* Bake cakes, participate in office pot-lucks or whatever. Never be part of the setup/cleanup crew (have you noticed they are almost always women, admins type). This makes you a jerk, true, but disassociates you from the soft-skills crew. Until the cleanup crew becomes frequently and mostly men, stay away.
* You're eventually going to have to fight for something you care about. Pick battles 1) that you can win; 2) with someone above your weight. How do you become a blackbelt? By beating a blackbelt. It's no thing to gainsay some design decision made by the FNG, better to convert a decision made by someone seen as your technical equivalent or superior.
OP in the article is actually saying that you should NOT bake cakes. (Unless you're working for a baking company, I guess?) The cake is a lie.
There is always at least one guy in a team that makes life difficult for a woman in a dev team. I feel bad for the amount of shit women have to deal with to survive as a software dev.
Sad story.
About 10 years ago, I was brought in as a contractor to train a team with 5 junior women engineers, one other junior man, and an older woman manager.
The other guy would constantly shit on EVERY idea presented by a woman. Like, in the 4 months I worked there, he never once said anything positive in any of their presentations or our group exercises, and he was like 25 years old and just as experienced as they were.
One of the woman programmers was exceptionally good and he shat on her the hardest because her ideas were usually adopted, but she was meek and the manager faught him (her subordinate!) for said junior woman's ideas. It was so fucked up.
On my way out, I had a meeting with him and talked about how he was being very dismissive of perfectly reasonable solutions, and he flat-out told me "women aren't very good at engineering, I'm a better programmer (he wasn't) and need to clean up their ideas first, I'll eventually run this group." I was like, holy shit, there's no reaching you.
About 10 years ago, I was brought in as a contractor to train a team with 5 junior women engineers, one other junior man, and an older woman manager.
The other guy would constantly shit on EVERY idea presented by a woman. Like, in the 4 months I worked there, he never once said anything positive in any of their presentations or our group exercises, and he was like 25 years old and just as experienced as they were.
One of the woman programmers was exceptionally good and he shat on her the hardest because her ideas were usually adopted, but she was meek and the manager faught him (her subordinate!) for said junior woman's ideas. It was so fucked up.
On my way out, I had a meeting with him and talked about how he was being very dismissive of perfectly reasonable solutions, and he flat-out told me "women aren't very good at engineering, I'm a better programmer (he wasn't) and need to clean up their ideas first, I'll eventually run this group." I was like, holy shit, there's no reaching you.
> The other guy would constantly shit on EVERY idea presented by a woman. ... "women aren't very good at engineering, I'm a better programmer (he wasn't) and need to clean up their ideas first"
Sounds like a toxic narcissist. And sadly, really common - it's the sort of attitude that's often hiding in these "Group X rules, Group Y are lame!" controversies.
Just push back calmly and confidently, and you'll find that it's quite possible to keep these people in check. Ultimately though, I don't think their attitude is compatible with an effectively-functioning workplace.
Sounds like a toxic narcissist. And sadly, really common - it's the sort of attitude that's often hiding in these "Group X rules, Group Y are lame!" controversies.
Just push back calmly and confidently, and you'll find that it's quite possible to keep these people in check. Ultimately though, I don't think their attitude is compatible with an effectively-functioning workplace.
Sadly required, but seems very honest and relatable. Would probably share with any woman in tech.
As a secondary point, I find several of these applicable to me as a guy too, although that's not the main point of this.
I also really like this formatting and list style - heading and brief to-the-point description.
As a secondary point, I find several of these applicable to me as a guy too, although that's not the main point of this.
I also really like this formatting and list style - heading and brief to-the-point description.
This is an amazing collection of advice and experience. I'm not a woman in tech but I have worked with and managed plenty. I really appreciate this list being shared and publicized. Hopefully it helps some people stay in the field longer than they otherwise would have!
> "On Bad Days try to lose yourself in the work, try to remind yourself why you’re in this business"
Really? I'd say that the best "survival tip" in a challenging industry is to act professionally, and another way of saying this is that "losing yourself in the work" should not be reserved for bad times!
Really? I'd say that the best "survival tip" in a challenging industry is to act professionally, and another way of saying this is that "losing yourself in the work" should not be reserved for bad times!
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"HR is not your friend" - fuck off with this bullshit. If you're actually being harassed, say something. And your colleagues should be your team, not your enemies. This rivalry thing in companies is pissing me off.
Dude. Absolutely not true. HR is not your friend and will never be - it's simply a conflict of interests. I've been the idealist before that tried going to HR as a last-ditch effort to make stuff work and lemme tell ya: it's not worth it. Ever.
HR is there to protect the company. It is probably tempting to just remove the disruptor instead of being fair. It is absolutely valid advice.
>HR is there to protect the company. It is probably tempting to just remove the disruptor instead of being fair
Not only is this 100% true, but it's good career advice for everyone- men & women, people at every level of experience, etc. We all should know this at this point
Not only is this 100% true, but it's good career advice for everyone- men & women, people at every level of experience, etc. We all should know this at this point
If that is the case in your company, leave. Don't take this as something you have to accept. There are a lot other fish in the sea.
If we make rivalry our norm, what could we ever archive together?
If we make rivalry our norm, what could we ever archive together?
I hear what you are saying, but this approach puts the burden on the woman to leave her job and make the change. The victim shouldn't have to accommodate sexist policies. If you were a man, would you quit in solidarity to help send a message? Doubtful.
There is always rivalry. The problem for women is they bring it out more in men with ego problems.
There's a lot of rivalry amongst women too, it just plays out in different ways and different domains. You can even see this in OP's distrust of the "soft skills" 'team' - that part of the enterprise is precisely where rivalry tends to matter the most.
I mean, this is pretty standard advice for both women and men. The HR department is not your friend, they are not your lawyer (and the lawyers they talk to are not your lawyers), and they are not paid to protect your interests.
I'm sorry this is news to you, but it is just structurally true. It will be true everywhere. If you really need someone to advocate for your interests, you'll need to hire a lawyer.
I'm sorry this is news to you, but it is just structurally true. It will be true everywhere. If you really need someone to advocate for your interests, you'll need to hire a lawyer.
HR will never be your friend, nor will they advocate for you. They're there to protect the company at all costs, not you.
Please, please report that shit, but also prepare your exit interview.
Please, please report that shit, but also prepare your exit interview.
I cannot stress this enough. Regardless of who you are, holy hell some people WILL steal your work for their own.
My first internship manager in late 1980's took my work and patented it as his own! I found out about it years later when I was hired permanently. I confronted him and he told me interns weren't allowed to patent. I learned this was false years later, but he had already left the company.
In a second instance, that same internship, I also wrote some code that was published in a corporate whitepaper and the motherfucker replaced my name with his in the comments. Different guy, same company.
I don't think making it public would have mattered because I was just an intern and we were treated as shit, but thinking back on it now makes my blood boil because both the patent and the doc are public record (USPTO) to this day. Maybe today I would have a fighting chance as an intern.
If you have a good idea, make sure top brass know it came from you. There's no guarantee it won't be stolen, but it gives you a fighting chance the more people know that you did it.
Heh. 30+ years later and I'm grumbling about it again. lol.
Also, FTA:
> Avoid everyone who is really enthusiastic about you being a woman.
I always found it creepy how some guys fall all over themselves to remind the only woman on the team that she is the only woman on the team. It's like, 'yay, thanks for noticing...??' but ... hmmm...
I'm guessing it is just a guy new to workplace diversity, and give him some slack. In my experience, it is usually older men (50-60's) who are getting the swing of the new generation of "sexism is bad, mmm'kay" and really want to show they are trying but know they were inherently trained by society to think in 80's/90's way about diversity. I get it.