Ask HN: How do you acknowledge though not agree with people's statements?
5 comments
From the US perspective, other countries YMMV:
I tend to say confirmatory statements such as "I understand," "I follow you," "I hear what you're saying.", in contrast to "Mmhmm","yep","yeah","totally","right", or other phrases which indicate assent.
Protip: Avoid use of phrases which indicate you're about to turn the tables on them until they get a chance to get their full thoughts out, such as "ok" (depending on tone), "yes, but", etc. Ask probing questions which draw out assumptions and fully understand their POV first. Being heard and understood makes it a lot easier to have a conversation on the merits.
If you're in India though, you can use the sideways head bobble. Super effective. (I am not Indian but work in/with many from that culture)
I tend to say confirmatory statements such as "I understand," "I follow you," "I hear what you're saying.", in contrast to "Mmhmm","yep","yeah","totally","right", or other phrases which indicate assent.
Protip: Avoid use of phrases which indicate you're about to turn the tables on them until they get a chance to get their full thoughts out, such as "ok" (depending on tone), "yes, but", etc. Ask probing questions which draw out assumptions and fully understand their POV first. Being heard and understood makes it a lot easier to have a conversation on the merits.
If you're in India though, you can use the sideways head bobble. Super effective. (I am not Indian but work in/with many from that culture)
Interesting with the sideways head bobble. I had to google that one :D Thanks :)
Im also leaning towards the suggestions of "I understand" etc. I think the border between confirmatory and agreement is super thin and somewhat dangerous since you do not have to agree with someone/something just because you understand what they are saying.
Im also leaning towards the suggestions of "I understand" etc. I think the border between confirmatory and agreement is super thin and somewhat dangerous since you do not have to agree with someone/something just because you understand what they are saying.
How about just paraphrasing or echoing what they said? Like:
"I understand that you have difficulties figuring out how to acknowledge what others tell you without necessarily agreeing with what they said. In particular you find that nodding is problematic because of its ambiguity, and you are therefore interested in hearing how other people would deal with this issue."
Have you ever read any Marshall Rosenberg? He's all about that.
"I understand that you have difficulties figuring out how to acknowledge what others tell you without necessarily agreeing with what they said. In particular you find that nodding is problematic because of its ambiguity, and you are therefore interested in hearing how other people would deal with this issue."
Have you ever read any Marshall Rosenberg? He's all about that.
I understand your point.
But my "nod" is something that might be common for Scandinavians, as it is something we do while the other part is communicating.
So, as they make their point through a sentence, I nod/concur with the statement they made to show I understand and do not have a question regarding the statement (sometimes I would need clarification to fully grasp their point). After they are done I respond with either counter-argument or continue the conversation.
So, as they make their point through a sentence, I nod/concur with the statement they made to show I understand and do not have a question regarding the statement (sometimes I would need clarification to fully grasp their point). After they are done I respond with either counter-argument or continue the conversation.
A friend of mine just says "Understood." I find this to be the best method that I have heard so far.
So, how do you signify/communicate that you understand what people say, without showing that you agree with them?