Ask HN: What are you teaching your kids that is not taught in school?
15 comments
How to manage their money. I have given them an allowance, not for chores but for being a family member. You do chores because you are a family member. Paid monthly, based on number of Fridays in a month. Annual increase (on birthday).
When my kids want something, unless it is a reasonable basic (lunch / water / medicine), I make them buy it. Where I am soft is when I see an intellectual value (non fiction book, raspberry PI). Sometimes I will split the cost. Games and candy are fully their expense.
Logic - if I can teach them to handle their money now it will save me the midnight call in the future "Dad ... /cry I am 3 months behind on rent and they want to throw me out of the apartment....". WTF I am not paying your 3 months rent! The allowance, added over the years, is significantly less than 3 months rent, I think.
Reward - My young son and I were at festival, it was hot. He complained he was 'parched'. I was impressed he knew the word, so I expressed my concern and queried as to the best remedy. My son informed me that Lemon aid would work the best. I agreed, it would, and he marched over to the Frozen Lemon Aide stand. When he heard me mention that it was with 'His Money'. He stopped dead in his tracks, turned around, and asked if he could get a drink of water from my water bottle. At that point I knew it had been working. Dads money is FREE money, his money is a completely different thing.
When my kids want something, unless it is a reasonable basic (lunch / water / medicine), I make them buy it. Where I am soft is when I see an intellectual value (non fiction book, raspberry PI). Sometimes I will split the cost. Games and candy are fully their expense.
Logic - if I can teach them to handle their money now it will save me the midnight call in the future "Dad ... /cry I am 3 months behind on rent and they want to throw me out of the apartment....". WTF I am not paying your 3 months rent! The allowance, added over the years, is significantly less than 3 months rent, I think.
Reward - My young son and I were at festival, it was hot. He complained he was 'parched'. I was impressed he knew the word, so I expressed my concern and queried as to the best remedy. My son informed me that Lemon aid would work the best. I agreed, it would, and he marched over to the Frozen Lemon Aide stand. When he heard me mention that it was with 'His Money'. He stopped dead in his tracks, turned around, and asked if he could get a drink of water from my water bottle. At that point I knew it had been working. Dads money is FREE money, his money is a completely different thing.
My parents did this for me. As I got older (highschool) it was paid quarterly. It even encompassed clothing/school essentials, eventually. Part of the beauty of it was that I was incentivized to work during the summers to supplement it. I turned out very frugal, was treasurer of my org in university, and now save > 50% of my income living in SF. This works.
As the subjects become age appropriate:
+ logic/philosophy
+ personal finance
+ mechanical skills (home repair, auto repair, etc)
+ home skills (cooking, cleaning, etc)
+ circuits and programming
+ hunt, fish, garden, mushroom
+ politics/civics/rights (they might teach some of this in school but even then it can be biased)
+ personal finance
+ mechanical skills (home repair, auto repair, etc)
+ home skills (cooking, cleaning, etc)
+ circuits and programming
+ hunt, fish, garden, mushroom
+ politics/civics/rights (they might teach some of this in school but even then it can be biased)
More than teaching I discuss various aspects of life with my elder kid.
Introspection, philosophies, why we do what we do, what we struggle to cope with, death, governments, wealth, consumerism, corruption, business, summary of books I read, movie details.
There is no teaching or schedule. It is a casual talk whenever he gets curious about something. So when he questions or wants to know more the discussion continues.
And it makes me happy when he is able to recollect or relate something discussed in a different event.
Introspection, philosophies, why we do what we do, what we struggle to cope with, death, governments, wealth, consumerism, corruption, business, summary of books I read, movie details.
There is no teaching or schedule. It is a casual talk whenever he gets curious about something. So when he questions or wants to know more the discussion continues.
And it makes me happy when he is able to recollect or relate something discussed in a different event.
How to fairly evaluate someone's ideas without having to either fully accept them or fully reject them.
honest question, how did you teach yourself to do it in the first place?
I'll chime in.
This is basically the difference between western and eastern philosophies. In the west we tend to view that one person/party's idea is absolutely correct. In the east it is generally viewed that the truth lies somewhere between the two ideas. This mindset can help help avoid picking sides and becoming entrenched is what has typically become a populist dichotomy between two usually flawed ideas (at least that's how I see it in the US more often than not).
This is basically the difference between western and eastern philosophies. In the west we tend to view that one person/party's idea is absolutely correct. In the east it is generally viewed that the truth lies somewhere between the two ideas. This mindset can help help avoid picking sides and becoming entrenched is what has typically become a populist dichotomy between two usually flawed ideas (at least that's how I see it in the US more often than not).
I agree, it seems that in Western culture you'll be seen as indecisive unless you pick a side and stick to it. Sometimes I'm frustrated with my tendency to be on the fence on so many issues, but at the end of the day it really seems more fair than having extreme views.
I have the same thing with some issues. Like for abortion - there's really two questions at the heart of the issue but almost nobody discusses them, so I can't make firm decision. The two questions are what defines a human life and when is it acceptable to take one.
I also have frustration when I pick a middle ground or outside the box idea. For example, with the prevalence of prenups and the variety of living situations/arrangements, I see the solution to the debate over non-traditional marriage to be making marriage documents a private contract to remove the government from trampling anyone's rights. Even the LGBTQ community is not fighting for everyone's right to marry - what about incestuous (with sterilization or longterm contraception to protect genetics) marriage or polygamy.
I haven't laid out all the details as this is an example but I can see the downvotes rolling in already...
I also have frustration when I pick a middle ground or outside the box idea. For example, with the prevalence of prenups and the variety of living situations/arrangements, I see the solution to the debate over non-traditional marriage to be making marriage documents a private contract to remove the government from trampling anyone's rights. Even the LGBTQ community is not fighting for everyone's right to marry - what about incestuous (with sterilization or longterm contraception to protect genetics) marriage or polygamy.
I haven't laid out all the details as this is an example but I can see the downvotes rolling in already...
I think maybe it can be taught. Certainly it can be at least modeled. My wife had parents that do this; I think she may have learned it by example.
In my case, it may be because I'm borderline aspy. I care more about the idea than with the person (or camp/side/school) that said it. But that doesn't leave me knowing how to teach yourself to do that, since it came rather naturally to me.
In my case, it may be because I'm borderline aspy. I care more about the idea than with the person (or camp/side/school) that said it. But that doesn't leave me knowing how to teach yourself to do that, since it came rather naturally to me.
[deleted]
How to teach himself
what are your methods?
Most of it comes through my vantage point. I see myself as a facilitator of his curiosity, not someone who is here to feed him information.
-If he's curious about something and asks why, I don't feed him answers. I say "why do you think?" If he says, I don't know, I say, "well let's find out." and we find out together. We ask an expert. Eg, if we're walking my a neighbor's house and he wants to know why their dog is barking, I encourage him to ask the neighbor. I make sure he's intellectually satisfied. I say, does that make sense?
-I also ask him a lot of questions too. I read him a bedtime story every night. I try to get him to guess the words. If we're reading about a duck. I ask him "what sound does a duck make?" I ask him if he likes ducks, why or why not?
-I let him do what he wants to do. If he wants to watch Octonauts, I let him watch Octonauts (but I make sure to engage and ask questions). If he wants to go to the park, we go to the park. If our desires conflict. For example, if I'm tired and I need to go home, I tell him we're going home and I explain very clearly to him why that is my need.
-I model a learning mentality to him. I ask questions. I am curious about the world around me. I am curious about him and his interests.
-I'm not afraid of his boredom and his frustration. If he tries to draw a drone and is upset because it doesn't look like a drone, I encourage him to try again. I remind him that nothing great ever happened on the first try. I gently encourage him to keep trying, gently remind him how exciting it will be when he achieves it.
-I celebrate his learning moments. I notice when he mastered a new concepts. I point out to him how much his speech has improved. I even ask him how he learned all the words, so he can reflect on his own process.
-These are a few of the many ways I support his learning. They come to me naturally. I trust my natural instinct as his caregiver to support his growth into a happy, healthy, curious intellectual.
-I always allow him to engage him in projects he's passionate about, even if they seem difficult (like drawing a drone). If he's passionate about the outcome, he'll push through his frustration and in doing so, learn to learn.
-If he is upset with a choice I made, I always explain my reasons very carefully. This often forces me to reflect on my own actions as well - and models a type of being in the world that is reflective.
This might be interesting to you. It's a guide to types of inquiry, different ways you can use questions to guide children's learning:
https://elearningindustry.com/inquiry-based-learning-model
-If he's curious about something and asks why, I don't feed him answers. I say "why do you think?" If he says, I don't know, I say, "well let's find out." and we find out together. We ask an expert. Eg, if we're walking my a neighbor's house and he wants to know why their dog is barking, I encourage him to ask the neighbor. I make sure he's intellectually satisfied. I say, does that make sense?
-I also ask him a lot of questions too. I read him a bedtime story every night. I try to get him to guess the words. If we're reading about a duck. I ask him "what sound does a duck make?" I ask him if he likes ducks, why or why not?
-I let him do what he wants to do. If he wants to watch Octonauts, I let him watch Octonauts (but I make sure to engage and ask questions). If he wants to go to the park, we go to the park. If our desires conflict. For example, if I'm tired and I need to go home, I tell him we're going home and I explain very clearly to him why that is my need.
-I model a learning mentality to him. I ask questions. I am curious about the world around me. I am curious about him and his interests.
-I'm not afraid of his boredom and his frustration. If he tries to draw a drone and is upset because it doesn't look like a drone, I encourage him to try again. I remind him that nothing great ever happened on the first try. I gently encourage him to keep trying, gently remind him how exciting it will be when he achieves it.
-I celebrate his learning moments. I notice when he mastered a new concepts. I point out to him how much his speech has improved. I even ask him how he learned all the words, so he can reflect on his own process.
-These are a few of the many ways I support his learning. They come to me naturally. I trust my natural instinct as his caregiver to support his growth into a happy, healthy, curious intellectual.
-I always allow him to engage him in projects he's passionate about, even if they seem difficult (like drawing a drone). If he's passionate about the outcome, he'll push through his frustration and in doing so, learn to learn.
-If he is upset with a choice I made, I always explain my reasons very carefully. This often forces me to reflect on my own actions as well - and models a type of being in the world that is reflective.
This might be interesting to you. It's a guide to types of inquiry, different ways you can use questions to guide children's learning:
https://elearningindustry.com/inquiry-based-learning-model
blind faith in governments; institutions; or authority figures will get you pwned.
I have also helped her with some new math concepts. I like to give her real life examples or provide the "why" so she understands the point of learning about something.
We also do some very basic concepts in philosophy , something a young kid can grasp. When I can thing of a good way to explain a mental model, I also do this.
What are you teaching your kids that they won't learn in school?