Ask HN: What can I do about my messy/neurodivergent brain?
15 comments
Social stuff: fake it until you make it. Smile at people, help get stuff off higher shelves. Talk to strangers. Practice. Skim the sportsball headlines if you work with bros.
Slow work patterns: learn to call things good earlier than you might normally do. If you are concerned about making poor releases etc. Stop worrying, everybody does. Make mini goals and tick them off as you go.
If you find it hard to stick to a task, promise yourself a reward. 2 hours solid progress is 10 minutes on HN or something fun out of a vending machine or a co worker chat.
Slow work patterns: learn to call things good earlier than you might normally do. If you are concerned about making poor releases etc. Stop worrying, everybody does. Make mini goals and tick them off as you go.
If you find it hard to stick to a task, promise yourself a reward. 2 hours solid progress is 10 minutes on HN or something fun out of a vending machine or a co worker chat.
This was helpful. Thanks so much! :)
For what it's worth, all your bullet points describe a pretty normal and healthy person to me.
a lot of of these patterns are very paradoxical.
I think this means that you're a balanced person but maybe your maybe your anxiety energy is a bit strong.
No matter how hard I try I can't do them any faster
Maybe stick to slow instead of trying both slow + fast. You can also think about why fast didn't work.
when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely
This last one hits pretty close to home for me as a person and I really wish I knew how to set up my free time better :)
a lot of of these patterns are very paradoxical.
I think this means that you're a balanced person but maybe your maybe your anxiety energy is a bit strong.
No matter how hard I try I can't do them any faster
Maybe stick to slow instead of trying both slow + fast. You can also think about why fast didn't work.
when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely
This last one hits pretty close to home for me as a person and I really wish I knew how to set up my free time better :)
> I think this means that you're a balanced person
Paradox and balance, I've never thought about it that way before! This is a really huge potential reframe for me. And maybe why I felt so unsettled and anxious, because I was so averse to this paradox as if it's an intrinsically bad thing. Thank you for that!
Paradox and balance, I've never thought about it that way before! This is a really huge potential reframe for me. And maybe why I felt so unsettled and anxious, because I was so averse to this paradox as if it's an intrinsically bad thing. Thank you for that!
I’ve had ADHD forever and always coped with it until the pandemic.
I’ve lived what some might call an adventurous life. I think it’s reasonably boring but most people don’t have the same kinds of stories I have.
About 6 months in I started taking meds, the meds did help for a while. My understanding of ADHD or at least my type is that our brains require more stimulation than others.
I recently moved to Paraguay. I stopped taking my meds and most of my “symptoms” have gone away, the only thing I can attribute this to is how rich and varied the environment is. It makes your brain think and you have to use it.
Also find things you are good at and focus on those, I’m not a neat and tidy person but it’s essential for me to live in a clean place, so I have a maid because I focus on the things I am good at.
About 6 months in I started taking meds, the meds did help for a while. My understanding of ADHD or at least my type is that our brains require more stimulation than others.
I recently moved to Paraguay. I stopped taking my meds and most of my “symptoms” have gone away, the only thing I can attribute this to is how rich and varied the environment is. It makes your brain think and you have to use it.
Also find things you are good at and focus on those, I’m not a neat and tidy person but it’s essential for me to live in a clean place, so I have a maid because I focus on the things I am good at.
> when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely and productively and end up not doing anything.
I had this problem too. You can try what I did, which is to play more. Preferably outdoor and with friends.
I had this problem too. You can try what I did, which is to play more. Preferably outdoor and with friends.
Good advice! I almost forgot outdoor exists lol. Thanks!!
Some software tools that might help:
- Otter.AI which is software that can easily capture voice memos; I use this to capture thoughts (helps with getting stuff out of mind) and it is unique in that it captures voice and also creates a text transcript.
- Diagrams.net (free) or Heptabase (paid) which are tools that can be used to represent stuff visually; almost anything can be described in a few words inside squares and arrows between squares. For Diagrams.net, use this along with Notepad to easily expand on represented concepts.
- Otter.AI which is software that can easily capture voice memos; I use this to capture thoughts (helps with getting stuff out of mind) and it is unique in that it captures voice and also creates a text transcript.
- Diagrams.net (free) or Heptabase (paid) which are tools that can be used to represent stuff visually; almost anything can be described in a few words inside squares and arrows between squares. For Diagrams.net, use this along with Notepad to easily expand on represented concepts.
Never thought of using particular tools to help with this. Thanks for sharing! I'll be looking into these :)
At the risk of suggesting exactly what you said you don't want: medication. Ritalin specifically works wonders for me.
And I was in the same spot as you: "No thanks!", and also I can just have some more caffeine and get to work, right?
For me, it was night and day. Like thinking your "brain motor" only has 3 gears, then medication suddenly shows you actually have about 10 gears.
And I was in the same spot as you: "No thanks!", and also I can just have some more caffeine and get to work, right?
For me, it was night and day. Like thinking your "brain motor" only has 3 gears, then medication suddenly shows you actually have about 10 gears.
Thanks for this. Still good to get some direct feedback with others who've experienced similar things. Thank you :)
Hi, sorry about your suffering. I think this is a hard thing to diagnose or make a prescription for, so everyone will be just telling you whatever has been good for them -- that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a little worried from your description that you might be aversive to some stuff that might be helpful. If a big part of the problem is an unruly mind that would benefit from training, it seems to me that you might have a choice between the easy way and the hard way, where the hard way actually is the easy way, i.e., bite the bullet and pay a bit now, or end up paying a lot more over the course of many years. I can't tell if that's the case... it's just something you have to evaluate.
If you think that's possible, here's the stuff I recommend: https://library.dhammasukha.org/uploads/1/2/8/6/12865490/the...
I've done that method for a few years, and all negative feelings like anger, sadness, anxiety, etc, have been greatly attenuated, whereas positive stuff like kindness, joy, and equanimity have greatly increased. The method simply trains the mind to be untroubled.
I'm a little worried from your description that you might be aversive to some stuff that might be helpful. If a big part of the problem is an unruly mind that would benefit from training, it seems to me that you might have a choice between the easy way and the hard way, where the hard way actually is the easy way, i.e., bite the bullet and pay a bit now, or end up paying a lot more over the course of many years. I can't tell if that's the case... it's just something you have to evaluate.
If you think that's possible, here's the stuff I recommend: https://library.dhammasukha.org/uploads/1/2/8/6/12865490/the...
I've done that method for a few years, and all negative feelings like anger, sadness, anxiety, etc, have been greatly attenuated, whereas positive stuff like kindness, joy, and equanimity have greatly increased. The method simply trains the mind to be untroubled.
> I'm a little worried from your description that you might be aversive to some stuff that might be helpful.
As obvious as that sounds I never really thought much about my aversions until now that I'm using the word repeatedly.
I really appreciate your suggestions, and I'll definitely think through it more and take a look that that method!
As obvious as that sounds I never really thought much about my aversions until now that I'm using the word repeatedly.
I really appreciate your suggestions, and I'll definitely think through it more and take a look that that method!
My mind is a mess and I'm wondering if HN has any tips, experiences, advice, etc. to share.
My mental health has improved significantly over the past 10 years, but as the depression lifted and as I gained more mental clarity, I'm finding myself still struggling with some persistent patterns of thought and behaviour (potentially neurodivergent ones) that are hindering my ability to progress further in life.
I'll give some examples, though it's quite complicated to describe as a lot of these patterns are very paradoxical.
- I'm reliant on routines and predictability to feel calm and settled, while at the same time desire personal freedom and autonomy, in that I really dislike following someone else's structure/rules and don't like being controlled, micromanaged, watched.
- I have a strong aversion to discipline, and can never get any productivity/organizational methods to work. The act of trying gives me anxiety, makes me feel very detached from myself, and zaps all creativity/authenticity/enthusiasm out of me.
- I work very slowly, both at home and at work. It takes me longer to do the same tasks compared to others at work, and at home I can only accomplish just a few mundane things that take up most of my day. I think it's because I'm paying a lot of attention and being careful with everything I'm doing, and/or I'm thinking about stuff. No matter how hard I try I can't do them any faster (plus rushing = stress and still just as slow).
- I think what bothers me most is how all these things lead to my inability to get enough quality self-care. I struggle immensely with 1) finding enough time to do things I enjoy, and 2) when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely and productively and end up not doing anything. I just want to sit down and read my books and write my essays but I can't :'(
I'm sure there's more but these are the prominant ones that really get to me.
Anyway, I've watched this youtube video on ADHD [1] and can definitely identify with several of the descriptions, though I don't believe mine is that "severe"? (I've talked to doctors and they just dismiss me as usual.) Generally, I am much happier than I used to be and things are really not that bad, but I think many of these low-lying symptoms are starting to take a toll. I really don't want to take any kind of medication for fear of side-effects and because I, again, don't think my case is that bad to require medication. I would much rather try more holistic approaches etc. That said, all suggestions and advice etc are welcome! And feel free to ask me anything and I'll try my best to answer during the little bit of time that I have.
If you want more context: I've matured a lot mentally and am more self-aware than most people around me (though I have to admit my social skills are still well below average). I've gotten to know my own thought patterns and personality tendencies inside and out, and have developed them as well (eg I can often catch my own blindspots, at least in retrospect). I've grown significantly in many directions, both personally and in my relationships. I've dealt with at least some of my past traumas and am no longer tormented by them.
[0]: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=30951494
[1]: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouZrZa5pLXk