Ask HN: Working with a Co-Founder with ADHD
9 comments
Gosh, that sounds really challenging. I've worked with tons of early stage startups and issues between founders is not unusual -- in a lot of ways it's like a marriage, in all the good and bad ways.
I would suggest sitting down with them and trying to point out some of the issues you've raised above, if you can approach it in a "we're in this together, let's solve this problem" kind of way.
If you can't, is there an investor or a trusted outside party who could help facilitate that conversation?
If you feel like there isn't a productive way to have this conversation, then maybe it's time to figure out whether this is a partnership that can continue and make some difficult choices.
Some of these problems could potentially be solved by outsourcing more of the work you're doing, so you aren't doing all of the jobs, all of the time, but of course, that requires capital, which you may or may not have.
I sympathize, it sounds really difficult right now. Just know these issues are not unique to your situation, and hopefully with some proactive communication you can actually improve the situation for you and for the business.
Happy to chat more if that's helpful!
I would suggest sitting down with them and trying to point out some of the issues you've raised above, if you can approach it in a "we're in this together, let's solve this problem" kind of way.
If you can't, is there an investor or a trusted outside party who could help facilitate that conversation?
If you feel like there isn't a productive way to have this conversation, then maybe it's time to figure out whether this is a partnership that can continue and make some difficult choices.
Some of these problems could potentially be solved by outsourcing more of the work you're doing, so you aren't doing all of the jobs, all of the time, but of course, that requires capital, which you may or may not have.
I sympathize, it sounds really difficult right now. Just know these issues are not unique to your situation, and hopefully with some proactive communication you can actually improve the situation for you and for the business.
Happy to chat more if that's helpful!
Thanks for that perspective. We have tried to have conversations about it. But things improve only for a short while. I've even broached the topic of getting a 3rd co-founder to come in and be the CEO who can keep things running smoothly. That hasn't gone anywhere.
We also don't have a lot left in the bank (though we are trying to fundraise at the moment) and we do outsource some bits. Given how early we are, external help only goes so far - a lot of time it has just been a waste of money since the hourly contractors we work with aren't as invested and don't have the full picture the founders do.
We also don't have a lot left in the bank (though we are trying to fundraise at the moment) and we do outsource some bits. Given how early we are, external help only goes so far - a lot of time it has just been a waste of money since the hourly contractors we work with aren't as invested and don't have the full picture the founders do.
Are you looking to hire further freelancers?
Setting aside the cause and focusing on the symptoms - I simply would not want to be in business with someone with poor attention to detail and time management skills.
Your co-founder doesn't sound ADHD they just sound incompetent.
At least my impression is that none of this is malicious or intentional. And my co-founder graduated from an ivy league school and has a FAANG company on their resume as well.
These are good surface level signals... but if they aren't delivering things are clearly not working. If you haven't done a startup before you should know that this is not how things should look. He's either "adhd" or just taking advantage of you.
My co-founder is extroverted, great at schmoozing with people and forming personal relationships, great at emotional control etc. but not at getting stuff done. I'm usually pulling double hours on pretty much everything, even sales, legal, investors etc. If I don't take ownership of something, it doesn't get done for the most part. Here's what I've observed about my co-founder in the time we've worked together:
* Trouble being organized. There is never any planning or sprints or tasks or goals or anything. We're always winging it as a company. Things don't get done until the very last minute and I have to figure out a way to work weekends or late nights with them taking a toll on my personal relationships.
* Dropping the ball on things they're supposed to do. When confronted, they tell me they don't like it or it's boring (like reaching out to sales prospects). There was a time where they just disappeared for 6 weeks doing just the bare minimum - attending standups but no actual work.
* Never having the patience to read anything long form including legal contracts. It usually falls on my lap at the n-th hour because a contractor is waiting for us to get started.
* Trouble paying attention to things - they say if something isn't conveyed to them clearly and precisely within the first few seconds they tune out. This kind of comes and goes - there are good days but a lot more of the bad ones. Sometimes this results in them projecting it onto me saying that my communication style is verbose and rambly. In the almost 15 years of working, I've never had anyone say this about my communication style.
* Trouble communicating their thoughts clearly. We've heard this from investors, contract employees, mentors etc. Both written and verbal communication turns out to be everything everywhere all at once.
* Trouble remembering things and connecting the dots. We'd have had a conversation with someone just a day prior or a week prior and they would have said something important that we'd discuss after. But that fact gets completely forgotten. They can't square that with something else another customer might have said to start noticing patterns. The interesting part for me at least is that they'd remember a random fact from a call (like the person we were speaking to driving a Porsche) but not something relevant to our business (no we're not in the automotive space). I started adding otter.ai to our calls to make sure there are notes at the end to help them out. But those notes seldom get read either until I point something out.
I've long suspected that they might have ADHD but I couldn't put my finger on it. If I try to discuss they'll usually have an excuse that it was the kids or they have a cold etc. but this pattern of behavior I've described is quite persistent in the time we've worked together. I've seen a lot of blog posts and content from founders with ADHD that describe how they're able to run companies successfully despite the condition or others saying how much of a superpower it is to have ADHD, but as the work partner of someone with ADHD it is utterly exhausting to go through this. So in this thread, I'd love to hear the perspective of founders or early employees who worked with someone with ADHD that wasn't able to manage it well. How did you keep your sanity or what did you end up doing? Are there any effective techniques to deal with this situation and make sure we're progressing as a company?