Ask HN: Practical Tips to Stay Productive?
46 comments
Surprisingly - Be kind to yourself.
It’s becoming the far more important lesson I have to apply, for me to actually be productive.
I’m incredibly focused when it comes to things I’m interested in.
I’m incredibly dumb when I’m forcing myself to do something.
Especially when I’m ignoring the reasons I’m not doing it already.
It’s becoming the far more important lesson I have to apply, for me to actually be productive.
I’m incredibly focused when it comes to things I’m interested in.
I’m incredibly dumb when I’m forcing myself to do something.
Especially when I’m ignoring the reasons I’m not doing it already.
Seconded.
I often have the same problem, a long list of in-progress projects and feeling like working on none of them. There's usually a subconscious reason why I'm avoiding them, either I'm stuck on a problem I can't solve, they're not interesting anymore, or the part I need to do feels too big too start without a full weekend of available time.
The easiest move is to find something new to work on in the meantime, leave those old projects be. If they're worth finishing there'll be something that brings you back to them when the time is right. Improved skills (maybe even through that new project), something done by other people that changes the situation, etc. No sense in forcing yourself to make progress, since you'll just end up hating the whole thing.
I often have the same problem, a long list of in-progress projects and feeling like working on none of them. There's usually a subconscious reason why I'm avoiding them, either I'm stuck on a problem I can't solve, they're not interesting anymore, or the part I need to do feels too big too start without a full weekend of available time.
The easiest move is to find something new to work on in the meantime, leave those old projects be. If they're worth finishing there'll be something that brings you back to them when the time is right. Improved skills (maybe even through that new project), something done by other people that changes the situation, etc. No sense in forcing yourself to make progress, since you'll just end up hating the whole thing.
> the part I need to do feels too big too start without a full weekend of available time.
Parkinson's Law!
Parkinson's Law!
I've been trying out the Harvard Timebox thing, not for side project, but for keeping on top of work tasks. When I remember to fill it out in the morning it works really well. My issues is always setting goals, because really don't care enough about pretty much anything for goals to motivate me. I do know what I need to do in many cases, and writing the steps and tasks down and prioritising them seems to work really really well.
A few articles:
* https://archive.li/nenFp
* https://hbr.org/2018/12/how-timeboxing-works-and-why-it-will...
And here is a template here: https://www.docdroid.net/SYMuub7/timebox-template-pdf
On the less practical side: Some of us need peace and quite for a time to become creative. I find that this is increasingly difficult to find in a busy world/life. It's hard to tell other than they need to shut the fuck up for a few hours while your brain reset.
A few articles:
* https://archive.li/nenFp
* https://hbr.org/2018/12/how-timeboxing-works-and-why-it-will...
And here is a template here: https://www.docdroid.net/SYMuub7/timebox-template-pdf
On the less practical side: Some of us need peace and quite for a time to become creative. I find that this is increasingly difficult to find in a busy world/life. It's hard to tell other than they need to shut the fuck up for a few hours while your brain reset.
Interesting! I had always thought that sketching deadlines brings the best but timeboxing completes it with its second half of deciding when to start it.
For me the "What to do after you first your priorities" have also been pretty useful. I often have tasks that are important, but for some reason I don't want to do them, e.g. database migrations, production upgrades and things of that nature. Once they're scheduled and I get started, I might be able to bang out my priorities in a few hours. I'd then previously be sort of stuck, because mentally I had decided that that was the day. Now I have things I know I can start on.
Originally, “priority” referred to something singular. In Latin “prior” means “the first”. But we have shifted the meaning.
I’ve concluded that the culture we’ve built for ourselves, and the tech that permeates it, prevent human flourishing. So it should be no surprise that many of us struggle with what you’ve described. So I rely less on discipline and more on controlling my environment. I strive to make helpful activities the easiest thing to do, and unhelpful things the most difficult. I use MacBooks and iPhones and they have Screen Time where I can lock down anything I want and give the password to my partner to protect.
Below are two resources that have greatly influenced my opinion, the first is a lengthy podcast episode about dopamine, the second is a book about reversing “downward spirals”, specifically focused on depression but it applies to anyone. There’s a workbook that I highly recommend if you want high focus on application and less on the neuroscience
https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/controlling-your-dopamin...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21413760-the-upward-spir...
Below are two resources that have greatly influenced my opinion, the first is a lengthy podcast episode about dopamine, the second is a book about reversing “downward spirals”, specifically focused on depression but it applies to anyone. There’s a workbook that I highly recommend if you want high focus on application and less on the neuroscience
https://www.hubermanlab.com/episode/controlling-your-dopamin...
https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/21413760-the-upward-spir...
Locking some apps without knowing the password also helped me. I used to ask one of my friends who used to stay sufficiently away to lock with some password so that I would hesitate to go that far and feel guilty enough to even think that.
Thanks for the attachments.
You might enjoy my comment elsewhere in this thread. You can take this idea even further
> From your experience, what tips or practices would you suggest to stay disciplined?
Don’t ask others what helped them—it doesn’t matter. People procrastinate for very different reasons. It’s like asking what others did to stop their headaches. Just because they also suffer from headaches doesn't mean you should implement their solution.
One of the first steps is identifying what you feel when you procrastinate. What triggers it? Is it decision paralysis, fear of failure, a sense that you deserve more from life, or the urge to treat yourself? Perhaps your challenge is getting started, or maybe you’re simply overworked.
The solution depends on why you procrastinate. Techniques that focus on organizing work can help with decision paralysis or lack of vision but might be useless if your issue is task initiation or maintaining focus for long periods (in which case, tools like the Pomodoro Technique or timeboxing could be effective). On the other hand, neither of these approaches will work for hedonistic procrastinators, but strategies like making bets with friends or body doubling might yield excellent results.
Source: Helping people overcome procrastination is my job.
Don’t ask others what helped them—it doesn’t matter. People procrastinate for very different reasons. It’s like asking what others did to stop their headaches. Just because they also suffer from headaches doesn't mean you should implement their solution.
One of the first steps is identifying what you feel when you procrastinate. What triggers it? Is it decision paralysis, fear of failure, a sense that you deserve more from life, or the urge to treat yourself? Perhaps your challenge is getting started, or maybe you’re simply overworked.
The solution depends on why you procrastinate. Techniques that focus on organizing work can help with decision paralysis or lack of vision but might be useless if your issue is task initiation or maintaining focus for long periods (in which case, tools like the Pomodoro Technique or timeboxing could be effective). On the other hand, neither of these approaches will work for hedonistic procrastinators, but strategies like making bets with friends or body doubling might yield excellent results.
Source: Helping people overcome procrastination is my job.
Todo lists. Say what you want done today, tomorrow, etc. If you miss it, do it the next day as well as what you planned.
/etc/hosts blocking reddit, twitter, hn, etc. The DNS cache means there's a delay before unblocking works, too.
Reducing compile times and other waits that trigger procrastination.
If your phone is the issue, set alarms to say "get off", maybe mess with screen time features, etc.
I used to have the same problem as you when I'd get home from school/sixth form (mine had uniform). I found immediately changing from school uniform to casual clothes helped me code switch.
Oh, and merry Christmas!
/etc/hosts blocking reddit, twitter, hn, etc. The DNS cache means there's a delay before unblocking works, too.
Reducing compile times and other waits that trigger procrastination.
If your phone is the issue, set alarms to say "get off", maybe mess with screen time features, etc.
I used to have the same problem as you when I'd get home from school/sixth form (mine had uniform). I found immediately changing from school uniform to casual clothes helped me code switch.
Oh, and merry Christmas!
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.actureunlo...
Everytime you open your phone it will ask you questions about why you are using the phone e.g. "Is this critical to do right now?" and I've found myself just putting the phone back down after answering.
Everytime you open your phone it will ask you questions about why you are using the phone e.g. "Is this critical to do right now?" and I've found myself just putting the phone back down after answering.
Indeed. I had also built this dashboard(1) which overrides my browser tab so I am always aware of what I have to get done. I need to start using it again.
Thanks!
1. https://github.com/JUSTSUJAY/Tickr
Thanks!
1. https://github.com/JUSTSUJAY/Tickr
There are many tips but people are different and different things work better for some than others.
Things that help me:
- todo lists
- breaking each task into smaller and smaller pieces until you get to such a small tiny first step that it feels embarrassing to procrastinate such a simple thing. Once you start going it is ofter easy to continue.
- set up your environment so that it is easier to get started
The hardest part of going to the gym is putting on the left sneaker. After that it’s down hill. Leave the shoes in the middle of the living room to motivate yourself.
Things that help me:
- todo lists
- breaking each task into smaller and smaller pieces until you get to such a small tiny first step that it feels embarrassing to procrastinate such a simple thing. Once you start going it is ofter easy to continue.
- set up your environment so that it is easier to get started
The hardest part of going to the gym is putting on the left sneaker. After that it’s down hill. Leave the shoes in the middle of the living room to motivate yourself.
I bet you've read atomic habits.
I've gotten a lot of value out of co-working. The simple act of being in a room or on a call with others who are focused on work, helps me to stay focused on work.
I slowly deleted all social media apps from my phone. Started with Facebook/Insta (many years ago) Twitter/X (when Elon bought it) and TikTok (around the time election campaigns started).
It is absolutely remarkable how much of a positive impact this has had not only on my productivity but general well-being
It is absolutely remarkable how much of a positive impact this has had not only on my productivity but general well-being
Perhaps you really do need that me-time? I myself try to replace endless scrolling with reading (fiction) books. This way I get rest and don’t feel guilty about it.
I'm also finishing a book per week, but after reading I'm scrolling usually(not much but I would be lying if I say I don't).
Can you suggest some good fiction? I recently finished the Good Girls Guide to Murder set and am looking for some page-turner.
TIA
Can you suggest some good fiction? I recently finished the Good Girls Guide to Murder set and am looking for some page-turner.
TIA
Neal Stephenson just dropped Polostan, I’m deeply into it right now :)
Regarding scrolling, well, it does serve a certain purpose, too. Our brains evolved to be in the standby mode as much as possible, and without some serious gene splicing there’s no way around it. As long as you’re in a good place and your life is moving in a generally right direction, nothing bad about spicing it up with a bit of brainrot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Don’t make todo lists, use your calendar to plan / time block when you’ll do things and try to stick to it.
[deleted]
If your spare time projects don't feel important, that means they aren't. So ignore them!
It’s very simple, but it’s not easy. But it will change your life.
1) Get rid of your TV.
2) Get rid of *all* social media, including LinkedIn and Reddit.
3) Get rid of your smart phone.
4) Block /blacklist all those sites on your PC/Laptop. Block the news sites too. Do it at a network level with something like NextDNS etc.
5) Go to work an hour or two earlier, and leave an hour or two earlier.
6) Make your side projects a different area/focus from your day job.
You will have so much free time if you do this. And you will live more thoughtfully. You will come back here in a months time asking how to fill your remaining free time.
This is what I have done. Got rid of TV 1 year ago, most social media 2 years ago (finally reddit too 4 months ago), and smartphone 2 months ago. It is all possible.
Life has drastically improved since
1) Get rid of your TV.
2) Get rid of *all* social media, including LinkedIn and Reddit.
3) Get rid of your smart phone.
4) Block /blacklist all those sites on your PC/Laptop. Block the news sites too. Do it at a network level with something like NextDNS etc.
5) Go to work an hour or two earlier, and leave an hour or two earlier.
6) Make your side projects a different area/focus from your day job.
You will have so much free time if you do this. And you will live more thoughtfully. You will come back here in a months time asking how to fill your remaining free time.
This is what I have done. Got rid of TV 1 year ago, most social media 2 years ago (finally reddit too 4 months ago), and smartphone 2 months ago. It is all possible.
Life has drastically improved since
Realize news/posts on websites and social media bring so little value it is the same as watching funny cat videos.
Try to recall how much you learned by scrolling through social media this month/year and how useful it was.
Maybe you need this, or maybe you will be fine with way less me-time. Only you know this and if you don't - you probably need to think more about your feelings, routines and goals. Or you probably should attend therapy to understand yourself better.
You could also try to find a hobby that would make you stop scrolling the web, just to break the existing pattern.
Either way, this is normal unless this procrastination ruins your life or makes you very unhappy long-term.
Try to recall how much you learned by scrolling through social media this month/year and how useful it was.
Maybe you need this, or maybe you will be fine with way less me-time. Only you know this and if you don't - you probably need to think more about your feelings, routines and goals. Or you probably should attend therapy to understand yourself better.
You could also try to find a hobby that would make you stop scrolling the web, just to break the existing pattern.
Either way, this is normal unless this procrastination ruins your life or makes you very unhappy long-term.
Cut down on drinking which results in better sleep. Wake up more refreshed and motivated to get stuff done. (Of course, it’s Christmas so you don’t need to start this tip today.)
I've been working on a persistent solution for this for a few months now, which involves changing lifestyle habits. My programming and system administration is fully recreational but still requires disciplined focus.
The solution seems to be between strictness of discipline and what enables a creative joyful flow state of mind. Fundamentally I aim for a bedrock of supportive routines within which I can enable a creative flow state contrary to haphazardly shifting from one thing to another. To be driven by determination with focus at will rather than submission to the path of least resistance with hours wasted on amusement. Identify what gives long term reward. Then break away from all that is clearly not having long term reward. Exchange it for anything else that is productive, and like simply going for a walk or cleaning the room.
Key factors to solve are:
Easily resume a project and switch between different ones. A way to structure and manage projects.
Cultivate and further psychological and physical supporting focus at will.
Minimize work related concerns spilling over into spare time. I discipline to keep concerns within their respective time frames.
Reduce energy going to things not prioritized and spend that time on recovery and rest in a suitable form.
Make serious use of a calendar to structure at least the basic events. Do moderate physical exercise after work time. Take breaks from programming; breaks that don't involve the computer (for example go for a walk, house cleaning etc).
Finding the complete solution still is an ongoing project of mine. I basically I think it's about mapping out and solidifying a daily routine that is constantly being refined.
The solution seems to be between strictness of discipline and what enables a creative joyful flow state of mind. Fundamentally I aim for a bedrock of supportive routines within which I can enable a creative flow state contrary to haphazardly shifting from one thing to another. To be driven by determination with focus at will rather than submission to the path of least resistance with hours wasted on amusement. Identify what gives long term reward. Then break away from all that is clearly not having long term reward. Exchange it for anything else that is productive, and like simply going for a walk or cleaning the room.
Key factors to solve are:
Easily resume a project and switch between different ones. A way to structure and manage projects.
Cultivate and further psychological and physical supporting focus at will.
Minimize work related concerns spilling over into spare time. I discipline to keep concerns within their respective time frames.
Reduce energy going to things not prioritized and spend that time on recovery and rest in a suitable form.
Make serious use of a calendar to structure at least the basic events. Do moderate physical exercise after work time. Take breaks from programming; breaks that don't involve the computer (for example go for a walk, house cleaning etc).
Finding the complete solution still is an ongoing project of mine. I basically I think it's about mapping out and solidifying a daily routine that is constantly being refined.
I've been enjoying using Theater Mode: Before getting started (morning, after lunch, after meeting), make sure you have used the bathroom, have a drink, maybe have a snack, turn off your electronics.
Don’t have kids.
That's the most practical advice anyone can ever give.
Thanks for the heads up.
Thanks for the heads up.
Consider deactivating or taking a break from your social media accounts.
[deleted]
I suggest you learn about self conversation audits:
We all have a constant and ever present self conversation running in our heads. There is the issue with some people, their self conversation can become biased. That bias is reflected as exaggerating negatives, minimizing positives, and in general the downward spiraling a person's ability to both enjoy life and to see reality without bias. Often this is called "burnout". It's a subtle gentle progression that can require years, and due to his one might think it would also take years to dig oneself back out. Not so with this form of self deception...
Dr. Aaron Beck and Dr. David Burns introduced the concept of “cognitive distortions” - they identified various methods humans use to lie and deceive themselves in their self conversations.
Dr. Burns publishing of a book titled “Feeling Good” that kick started the entire Cognitive Therapy movement, which is the idea that one can talk themselves out of unhappiness with the right guidance.
It is all about learning how to identify self deception; once one learns how to be truthful in your own self conversation, the emotions and unrealistic expectations fall away leaving a more stable and logical individual.
Here’s a summary, but be careful searching this topic online as the “fraudster community” loves to prey on people seeking self help information. The essential mechanism is that deception, any deception, including self deception, requires itself to be hidden to work. If deception is known, it does not deceive. Dr. Aaron Beck and Dr. David Burns give us a checklist one can ask themselves simple questions that if the answer to any is "yes" then you've identified self deception and "poof" that specific deception no longer works. It's kind of freaky and amazing, how it really does work. Deception, including self deception is easily defeated by identifying it. Here's the forms of self deception:
Filtering. We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.
Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking). In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
Overgeneralization. In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Jumping to Conclusions. Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.
Catastrophizing. We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”). For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).
Personalization. Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Control Fallacies. If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”
Fallacy of Fairness. We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.
Blaming. We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.
Shoulds. We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything. For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statementstoward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.
Emotional Reasoning. We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
Fallacy of Change. We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.
Global Labeling. We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves. For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”
Always Being Right. We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.
Heaven’s Reward Fallacy. We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.
References:
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York: New American Library. Burns, D. D. (2012).
Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library. Leahy, R.L. (2017).
Cognitive Therapy Techniques, Second Edition: A Practitioner’s Guide. New York: Guilford Press. McKay, M. & Fanning, P. (2016).
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. New York: New Harbinger Publications.
We all have a constant and ever present self conversation running in our heads. There is the issue with some people, their self conversation can become biased. That bias is reflected as exaggerating negatives, minimizing positives, and in general the downward spiraling a person's ability to both enjoy life and to see reality without bias. Often this is called "burnout". It's a subtle gentle progression that can require years, and due to his one might think it would also take years to dig oneself back out. Not so with this form of self deception...
Dr. Aaron Beck and Dr. David Burns introduced the concept of “cognitive distortions” - they identified various methods humans use to lie and deceive themselves in their self conversations.
Dr. Burns publishing of a book titled “Feeling Good” that kick started the entire Cognitive Therapy movement, which is the idea that one can talk themselves out of unhappiness with the right guidance.
It is all about learning how to identify self deception; once one learns how to be truthful in your own self conversation, the emotions and unrealistic expectations fall away leaving a more stable and logical individual.
Here’s a summary, but be careful searching this topic online as the “fraudster community” loves to prey on people seeking self help information. The essential mechanism is that deception, any deception, including self deception, requires itself to be hidden to work. If deception is known, it does not deceive. Dr. Aaron Beck and Dr. David Burns give us a checklist one can ask themselves simple questions that if the answer to any is "yes" then you've identified self deception and "poof" that specific deception no longer works. It's kind of freaky and amazing, how it really does work. Deception, including self deception is easily defeated by identifying it. Here's the forms of self deception:
Filtering. We take the negative details and magnify them while filtering out all positive aspects of a situation. For instance, a person may pick out a single, unpleasant detail and dwell on it exclusively so that their vision of reality becomes darkened or distorted.
Polarized Thinking (or “Black and White” Thinking). In polarized thinking, things are either “black-or-white.” We have to be perfect or we’re a failure — there is no middle ground. You place people or situations in “either/or” categories, with no shades of gray or allowing for the complexity of most people and situations. If your performance falls short of perfect, you see yourself as a total failure.
Overgeneralization. In this cognitive distortion, we come to a general conclusion based on a single incident or a single piece of evidence. If something bad happens only once, we expect it to happen over and over again. A person may see a single, unpleasant event as part of a never-ending pattern of defeat.
Jumping to Conclusions. Without individuals saying so, we know what they are feeling and why they act the way they do. In particular, we are able to determine how people are feeling toward us. For example, a person may conclude that someone is reacting negatively toward them but doesn’t actually bother to find out if they are correct. Another example is a person may anticipate that things will turn out badly, and will feel convinced that their prediction is already an established fact.
Catastrophizing. We expect disaster to strike, no matter what. This is also referred to as “magnifying or minimizing.” We hear about a problem and use what if questions (e.g., “What if tragedy strikes?” “What if it happens to me?”). For example, a person might exaggerate the importance of insignificant events (such as their mistake, or someone else’s achievement). Or they may inappropriately shrink the magnitude of significant events until they appear tiny (for example, a person’s own desirable qualities or someone else’s imperfections).
Personalization. Personalization is a distortion where a person believes that everything others do or say is some kind of direct, personal reaction to the person. We also compare ourselves to others trying to determine who is smarter, better looking, etc. A person engaging in personalization may also see themselves as the cause of some unhealthy external event that they were not responsible for. For example, “We were late to the dinner party and caused the hostess to overcook the meal. If I had only pushed my husband to leave on time, this wouldn’t have happened.”
Control Fallacies. If we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as helpless a victim of fate. For example, “I can’t help it if the quality of the work is poor, my boss demanded I work overtime on it.” The fallacy of internal control has us assuming responsibility for the pain and happiness of everyone around us. For example, “Why aren’t you happy? Is it because of something I did?”
Fallacy of Fairness. We feel resentful because we think we know what is fair, but other people won’t agree with us. As our parents tell us when we’re growing up and something doesn’t go our way, “Life isn’t always fair.” People who go through life applying a measuring ruler against every situation judging its “fairness” will often feel badly and negative because of it. Because life isn’t “fair” — things will not always work out in your favor, even when you think they should.
Blaming. We hold other people responsible for our pain, or take the other track and blame ourselves for every problem. For example, “Stop making me feel bad about myself!” Nobody can “make” us feel any particular way — only we have control over our own emotions and emotional reactions.
Shoulds. We have a list of ironclad rules about how others and we should behave. People who break the rules make us angry, and we feel guilty when we violate these rules. A person may often believe they are trying to motivate themselves with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if they have to be punished before they can do anything. For example, “I really should exercise. I shouldn’t be so lazy.” Musts and oughts are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When a person directs should statementstoward others, they often feel anger, frustration and resentment.
Emotional Reasoning. We believe that what we feel must be true automatically. If we feel stupid and boring, then we must be stupid and boring. You assume that your unhealthy emotions reflect he way things really are — “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”
Fallacy of Change. We expect that other people will change to suit us if we just pressure or cajole them enough. We need to change people because our hopes for happiness seem to depend entirely on them.
Global Labeling. We generalize one or two qualities into a negative global judgment. These are extreme forms of generalizing, and are also referred to as “labeling” and “mislabeling.” Instead of describing an error in context of a specific situation, a person will attach an unhealthy label to themselves. For example, they may say, “I’m a loser” in a situation where they failed at a specific task. When someone else’s behavior rubs a person the wrong way, they may attach an unhealthy label to him, such as “He’s a real jerk.” Mislabeling involves describing an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded. For example, instead of saying someone drops her children off at daycare every day, a person who is mislabeling might say that “she abandons her children to strangers.”
Always Being Right. We are continually on trial to prove that our opinions and actions are correct. Being wrong is unthinkable and we will go to any length to demonstrate our rightness. For example, “I don’t care how badly arguing with me makes you feel, I’m going to win this argument no matter what because I’m right.” Being right often is more important than the feelings of others around a person who engages in this cognitive distortion, even loved ones.
Heaven’s Reward Fallacy. We expect our sacrifice and self-denial to pay off, as if someone is keeping score. We feel bitter when the reward doesn’t come.
References:
Beck, A. T. (1976). Cognitive therapies and emotional disorders. New York: New American Library. Burns, D. D. (2012).
Feeling good: The new mood therapy. New York: New American Library. Leahy, R.L. (2017).
Cognitive Therapy Techniques, Second Edition: A Practitioner’s Guide. New York: Guilford Press. McKay, M. & Fanning, P. (2016).
Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem. New York: New Harbinger Publications.
I'm saving this for frequent checks. Much appreciated.
Give yourself a daily list of goals to accomplish. It should be something that you know is achievable.
Good advice generally, terrible advice if you have ADHD.
I second this. My TODO lists just keep growing, since the cost of adding an item to the list is infinitely lower than removing it. One ADHD trick that works for me (YMMV) is to write it by hand, on paper. Then I’d think twice before adding something, and oh boy, is it satisfying to physically cross items out!
Honestly if you are struggling to work on your side projects you are most probably doing just fine in your life and you don't really want/need them.
In this case why force it?
In this case why force it?
Isn't this a recipe to complacency? Things that are worth achieving take hard work. If I only do things that I _really_ want to do right now, I'm not sure I will live a fulfilling life. Especially when many of us have been trained by the internet to seek immediate reward above all else.
Rest.
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Recently I have not been able to find time to work on some side projects or to try something new. Sometimes I slack off after returning from the office. Often it leads to bedtime procrastination and endless scrolling on the phone just for the sake of me-time.
From your experience, what tips or practices would you suggest to keep disciplined?