Elon: buys some TSLA
TSLA: wheeeee!!!!
Shorts: oh sh!t, damage control now!
Opinion piece writer: here, thx for the dough!
NBCs and Reuters: posted, thx for the dough!
HNs and Reddits: thx for engagement!
Nothing newsworthy has actually happened, we're just feeding the trolls in shorts, and sending the clicks to justify the dough.