I felt the same way a few years ago. If you'd like some advice, here's what I learned on the long climb out:
Dedicate at least one night a week to a project. When you get home from the day job, you start work on the project, and you keep at it for at least 6 hours. Make sure this night becomes a sacred obligation, you don't skip it for anything but weddings/funerals.
This helps ensure the project progresses on a weekly basis.
It protects the time from family/friends/spouses who may not understand or accept that you are busy at random times, but can understand a scheduled obligation.
caveats:
One night a week is usually too slow for any project, so don't use this as a crutch, you should still pour hours into whatever you do throughout the week out of passion - this is a safety valve for busy or passionless times.
It is a lot easier to pull this off with a group of like-minded people, try to get a couple other people (even remote) to join you in the endeavor.
I'll second the Learned Helplessness - your strategy currently seems to revolve around changing your parents, changing your immediate family and changing your town in order to stablize your life. Unfortunately, though other people can change, they can rarely (if ever) be changed by others. You need to stop focusing on the townspeople, the parents and the family, and start focusing on the thing you can change - your circumstance-strategy and your goals.
Here are a few things to consider, and some hard questions:
#5 - Why are you drowning in guilt, what have you done to feel guilty about? Your business failing? Your inability to support others who are not supporting themselves? Is your guilt misplaced, should you really be feeling responsibility?
I ask because guilt has a downward affect, responsibility upward - if you feel guilty that you can't support your family, you continue to sink into depression as you continue to fail. If you feel responsible for supporting your family, you find yourself needing to do just that and rising to goals that will fulfill that responsibility.
In regards to #2, I would consider this a cop-out. If there are no leaders, then you lead. If there are no innovators, then you innovate. If people want 9-5 jobs, then hire them, don't co-found with them. I realize that being in an "active" area can help in networking and support, but it also comes with disadvantages - competition for those same resources, false prophets and snake-oil salesmen, superstition-based strategy "Only 21 year olds can innovate, you need a 21 year old!", and it's own built in (false) positive-feedback loop. In my experience, "safe" or "inactive" areas are also usually somewhat economically depressed or limited - they rely on a factory or a set of services (hospitals, trucking depots) to supply most of the jobs. This can be a golden opportunity for an entrepreneur: there are probably lots of people there that need jobs or are working dead-end or low-wage jobs that would love a new business to open up in their neighborhood.
#4 Time to break the chain. If your whole family suffers from social-anxiety, it's time to ease them in to some new relationships. People need friends, and families need anchors. You can't do something creative or risky when you're floating anchorless. Your family needs to join the community, even if they do it awkwardly or slowly. My suggestion is this: choose an activity, sport, hobby or interest that at least 3 of your family share. I'm talking things like hiking, climbing, reading books, video games, sailing, motorboating, motorcyling, bicycling ... whatever it is that a few of you like to do. Find a local club that's related and join it. If there isn't one, start it. In fact, that may help you get your business chops back - running a small community club. Either way, you need to get your family "out there" and slowly the relationships will start to build. Once they have a few friends, they'll feel anchored to their community, their lives won't feel so out of balance, and taking risks will not seem so dangerous.
#3 I've never been faced with this situation so I'm not sure I can respond well. I'm tempted to say that if they don't want your help or won't admit they need it, perhaps you should let them make their own choices and back off.
Finally #1 - have you considered bankruptcy? If you're being smashed by crushing debt, the contracts you signed with those lenders hold escape clauses for you and them. Perhaps it is time to exercise yours?
Form a hacker group. Invite other coders/designers/bloggers to join you at a location. Have everyone sit at tables or desks so that what they are working on is easily visible to at least a couple others (no one lounging in the corner drooling to farmville ...)
It's surprising the amount of work you can get done when surrounded by other people working, especially people who are passionate about their projects. As to distractions? The simple social pressure exerted by being in this group is almost always enough to keep everyone on task - no one wants to be the guy that is always there but never has anything to show off.
Video Games, Junk Reading => After work home development
Video Games, Junk Reading => Selfhero: sailing, diving, etc
Wishing/Wanting => Doing. Immediate scheduling
Unmotivated Friends => Adventurous Friends
That's hard/difficult => That's worthwhile
I'm over thirty, but like many of my friends, I still enjoyed video games way too much. Claiming they were a way to "relax" or "blow off steam" after a hard day at work, I finally admitted to myself that they had lost their original value and were now solely a time sink and addiction.
This nagging thought kept troubling me until I gave it my full attention, and dealt with the reality of the answer: "If I spent this many hours a week practicing <insert game heroic skill> instead of playing a character with it, how heroic could I become?"
I suddenly lost all desire to play video games, watch most TV, and read books (entertainment, not literature). Instead I have spent the last couple of years cultivating interesting and useful skills, and participating in my own adventures. I went from playing CoD and TotalWar to scuba diving with sharks, motorcycling, traveling and practicing/training my sailing skills with the goal of circumnavigating.
Dedicate at least one night a week to a project. When you get home from the day job, you start work on the project, and you keep at it for at least 6 hours. Make sure this night becomes a sacred obligation, you don't skip it for anything but weddings/funerals.
This helps ensure the project progresses on a weekly basis. It protects the time from family/friends/spouses who may not understand or accept that you are busy at random times, but can understand a scheduled obligation.
caveats: One night a week is usually too slow for any project, so don't use this as a crutch, you should still pour hours into whatever you do throughout the week out of passion - this is a safety valve for busy or passionless times.
It is a lot easier to pull this off with a group of like-minded people, try to get a couple other people (even remote) to join you in the endeavor.
Good luck!