Thanks for sharing and really appreciate the "break the cycle" mindset. A lot of people feeling stuck is holding on "strong work-ethics" as their identity, but it is an endless cycle and you are going to lose as you age.
And your sanity is only yours to keep, protect it at all cost.
Thanks for sharing and I have been in the similar situation before twice. The never-ending feeling of uselessness, stagnation and helplessness sucks real bad. and after a while I (re-)discovered the power of charity and routine.
You don't need something grandeur. Sometimes a routine of 5 minutes in the morning works. Write down the one thing you can do for others of the day that you can definitely get it done, and before you sleep you cross it out or not, and write down 1 small thing to be grateful to.
For example:
In the morning I wrote: I will say thank you with a smile to a random cashier in the supermarket when I do grocery.
At night I should be able to cross it out. Even if I cannot it is nothing to beat myself with. I will add 1 little thing to be grateful to, as small as able to post on HN works too!=)
Hope you can recover soon and regain your sense of self-worthiness soon. After all your are not (only) a learner and problem solvers. You are more than that =)
You do list quite a few allegations against protestors. Let me remind you that the level of police brutality is unprecedented during this 86 days.[1] All these events have made meeting the five demands becoming the least HKSAR govt. aka CCP can do to calm the society down. Asking Hongkongers to take it as is now is not constructive and to some degree immature. I urge the govt please grow up and take responsibility.
They didn't report the first half of the story: "police"(without any ID) suddenly charged into a mall filled with retreating protestors and common folks. One "police" poked the said protestor's eyes. The protestor instinctively bit back.
Go Hong Kong visit sometime. You will find British has managed to build Hong Kong into a prosperous and peaceful society with all the elements of so-called Chinese culture and Western culture. There is a church next to a mosque next to a temple in Tsim Sha Tsui district. People enjoy yum cha in their lunch and America rib-eye steak in their dinner.
I wonder whether the Chinese viewpoint stands. It is purely bad governance of HKSAR and CCP.
It is very sad to compare an iron fist of holding power with a more subtle aspect in Chinese culture. The violence committed is incomparable. Though you might argue the face and guanxi culture is more subtle brutality.
It has nothing to do independence or not, but demanding CCP to keep its promises to Hong Kong people and using the usual legal framework now in Hong Kong to bring justice and peace back to the society
And your sanity is only yours to keep, protect it at all cost.