Thanks for your detailed and thoughtful response and kind offer. Clarification: I am a civilian, not a vet.
Nothing has changed here. I am still as suicidal and cynical as ever. While I am very likely to chicken out and not complete suicide at this time, it truly is my only remaining goal in life -- not specifically to die by suicide, but rather to be dead as soon as possible.
Thank you again for your very well-thought out reply w/ insightful comments.
Target sounds - sounds risky. I'd rather do in a clinical setting.
There are new experimental drugs and techniques in the pipeline. Many vets suffer from this; many have it far worse than I do currently. There's a real need for new treatments.
My hunch is that we'll want to develop risk profiles for T and H based on genetics. My ears are sensitive and I shouldn't have exposed myself to loud sound at all as a kid. Probably should be part of military admission screening.
I've had this for a long time. It was so unbearable at first that I was sure suicide was inevitable. (Still seems that way). But, the remediation for me is low stress, low exposure to sound, get enough sleep, avoid activities that exasperate T and H. It's not as bad as it was when I got it long ago but has never gone away. Damage is done, though - to my life, career, relationships.
Anger: I never experience true quiet, so my baseline cortisol is elevated. I become easily angered. Yelling mostly. This raises my T and H. Any significant brain activity raises my T and H. I never finished uni nor accomplished much. My attention span was wrecked after I got this.
Tech: I detached a few years ago when I decided to drop out of life, prepare for suicide, and focus on shitposting 24/7 until death about the largely unattributed scumbag targeting incidents that I've accumulated over decades. Problem solving isn't on my radar any longer.
Muffs: Sure, I can wear muffs and plugs for short jobs. I'd be ok. But I'd prefer no exposure because it took decades for the T to subside, and only a few months of playing a musical instrument (with muffs and plugs) to make it worse again. That was about 3-4 yrs ago; T still worse than it was 5 years ago. Any exposure is risky.
Societal issues: Zero Trust, applied to technocratic incumbents means breaking up big tech, banning data hoarding and data brokering, banning cameras everywhere, policing satellites - a futile pipe dream, indeed. The risks of power asymmetry via tech will only rise. I am not optimistic at all about the future of democracy. Asymmetric power hoarding opportunities will probably increase significantly over the next 50 years - a scary prospect.
How impactful? Suffered T & H for a long long time. I don't enjoy listening to music anymore, much less performing.
T: four tonal ranges in one ear, two in other; non-aggravated significant flare-up's in both. Stress is a factor. Some tonal ranges have morphed over time from pulsatile to resonant; none are purely sinusodial; they cover lows to mids to highs.
H: I become angry from loud sounds and sometimes quiet ones. Any exposure increases sensitivity. Stress is a factor.
Earplugs w/muffs: any exposure to vibration/noise aggravates both T and H. With no hearing protection on e.g. a miter saw, I'd risk an ER visit. Even one unprotected cut introduces significantly amplified T for days.
Programming: Any brain activity increases T & H, incl'g coding, social activities, or anything involving interacting with technology and society, for that matter. Programming specifically causes my brain to always be "on", which is particularly bad for T.
Life outcome: Was told no treatment existed, so I tried to deal with it and move on with life. Didn't work. That was decades ago.
Suicide: peaceful method available, not the problem. Persistent fear of death exists.
Mental theories about serotonin imbalances, DSM nonsense, etc: I have found humanity to be distasteful since childhood. Conscious decision. Please kill me now.
Limited social networks: in the space / satellite / cam age, this is impossible. I am not moving underground.
My hearing is blown out, has been for a long time, and the damage has finally caught up to me. I stopped music despite a few attempts to restart it with my hearing disability; I can't use power tools; and, my concentration to use computers has gone away. I am homeless with no career, and live in a constant state of suicidality with no ability to finish suicide.
Yes, I am seeking medical treatment and disability compensation, but this process takes time. I'd prefer death, except I lack the ability to complete suicide.
No, I am not important at all except to me. Entities and people I am calling out are more important to society than I am. As such, they can get away with shenanigans such as targeting US citizens to destroy them. This can and does happen. There is no accountability by big tech corporations or related thugs. If I died, few would notice or care.
The bottom line is that the rule of law is different when you're a VIP or VIC, versus a commoner like me -- regardless of the extent of my grievances. Humanity is littered with low class wealthy powerful sociopaths - and we depend on such amoral folks to move society forward, even if a few folks wind up as cannon fodder.
My desire to die is both due to my hearing disability, and also cemented by learned helplessness developed over a lifetime of dealing with unaccountable sociopathic apes. Dying peacefully in my sleep this holiday would be, by far, the greatest gift. Please, God, kill me before 2022.
On the other hand, CSS might -- eventually, anyway -- offer the best compromise for facilitating reliable, responsible lawful access to mass consumer information technology.
Develop CSS in a manner that minimizes the noted risks. Such mechanisms are a fundamental compromise, philosophically. I am skeptical that those on opposing ends of the privacy debate will find sufficient common ground to achieve responsible implementations.
Deeper concerns regarding the misprioritization of security in consumer infotech design prevent meaningful basis to realize a suitable compromise for CSS tech, anyway.
Nothing has changed here. I am still as suicidal and cynical as ever. While I am very likely to chicken out and not complete suicide at this time, it truly is my only remaining goal in life -- not specifically to die by suicide, but rather to be dead as soon as possible.
Thank you again for your very well-thought out reply w/ insightful comments.