protolynne

·4 ปีที่แล้ว·discuss

Hello friend, As a 40 year young woman, I went through very similar challenges and am still working through creating the motivation to move forward. I did get help from a therapist and have begun the process of reparenting myself, allowing for my inner child to be respected and have a voice. I would often jump into commmitments with work, school, relationship that were not right for me. Now, I am taking my time step by step to ensure the decisions I make are based on my desires and needs to avoid previous circumstances. At 40, I too wonder if I will be able to achieve the goals for a fullfilling relatiinship and family. There are a lot of us out here, thinking we are alone in this but we are very similar. I found a therapist I could talk to and this really helped me forge trust over time. If the therapist is not the right fit, try another. It's like finding a mechanic or dentist you trust so it's possible & important. Maybe the parts of your psyche that want to die, need to do just that but the whole of you can keep living. After my dear grandmother/ best friend, died a death with great suffering - it destroyed me. It has taken 5 years just to crawl out of that hole and begin to recover. Ppl don't recognize the value, courage and strain it takes to be there for the ones we love in their passing. This is one of the most benevolent acts a human can bestow upon another - honoring the sacred and brutal process of dying. Yes, an online or virtual therapist may be the only option for you but it can be effective. I have a dog who saved my heart. Forcing me to walk him every day gave me reason to get out of bed. My dog showed me every day that joy can be found in the little things like taking the exact same walk, every day but with new eyes. Walking every day helped to energetically boost and release toxins/ mindset. Given you hope to leave Germany, getting a dog would not be humane because you cannot commit to the long term. I did, however, used to dogwalk as a volunteer in a local shelter and this was very rewarding as those poor animals are stuck inside until someone like you comes along to brighten their day.

Sending love your way as I know it's not easy. Like my granny used to say, "You're not old till your 87". She lived to 97 and walked every day. I miss her dearly but know she want me to live my best life so I continue to push forward in recovery. I recognize that sometimes emotional, psychological and spiritual death are a necessary part of transformation and rebirth. Like fire for the forest. From the ashes, you can rise