Discord is unusable at times too. But compared to other Electron shits, Discord is above average when it comes to performance. But in the end, when compared to Native apps, performance wise, Discord is still shit. It's nowhere near Telegram.
Push. That's my plight actually. There are already too many apps trying to find a place in the push notification channels. And given my stance on notifications, I am refraining myself from doing that for now. Planning on surveying my friends and family on this. They might be the right sample space.
I am someone like you as well. I hate notifications. The only thing I like to be notified is calendar + clock. And slack at work! I periodically check my email and I rarely need to be notified anything.
My target audience is mostly the average joe internet user. What I found is that the ones who contribute quality content sometimes return back to their post to check for comments and respond. But most of the time it's unattended comments. So I am still experimenting.
It's highly likely that they have been conditioned on all platforms and expecting the same here too. A weekly digest type of email is something I am considering. Not to grab their attention, but to nudge them about the existence of unattended comments.