1) Most people are unaware of the conflict between benevolence and other values. Conservation and Self-enhancement are common focuses used as justification for behavior that is malevolent and not benevolent.
2) Relative
3) "Most value systems are equally valid." False. Human caste systems (including the current american caste system) are created, justified, and enabled from a variety of value systems.
It's a behavior that is not beneficial for every person. Neurodiversity requires flexibility of social systems in order to thrive and facilitate innovation. When a social system contains a large bias for assertive behavior then the participants of that system may overvalue the behavior and react to individuals that lack assertiveness as lesser (recognition of environmentally favored behaviors.)
When character values are aligned in behavior and attitudes then the assertive behavior can manifest with different motives. In the article the author tells a story of their character decisions when choosing to accomplish their goals through stimulating activity (writing their document with a deadline) or focus their attention on the needs of a member of their group (benevolence and conformity.)
The internal dilemma the author went through was the misalignment of their behavior and motives (cognitive dissonance.)
"But I couldn’t imagine myself saying those things. I wasn’t that sort of person, and everyone knew it."
The author's solution is to focus on protecting themselves (Safety, a conservation life focus.)
"You can’t stop people making demands on your time and energy, but you can develop the skills to protect yourself"
I urge the author to escape the group mentality that feels safe and explore uncomfortable social environments with the objective of increasing awareness of what matters most to them, not just in theory but in practicality.
The current status quo you are perpetuating can be described as crabs in a bucket.
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2) Relative
3) "Most value systems are equally valid." False. Human caste systems (including the current american caste system) are created, justified, and enabled from a variety of value systems.