Wow! This thread (not the article) has got me questioning if I am in fact bipolar. Up until recently my diagnosis has been depression, but after reading the highs and lows others here experience, it looks more and more like what I in fact go through - and it makes sense, as I usually only see a therapist while depressed, and usually stop when I "feel better", which usually only lasts a few weeks or months. That might explain why it's never been caught.
Up until reading the comments here, I didn't realize that when I feel "normal"/not depressed, it might actually be a mania swing. I feel great, like happy for no reason, I work extended hours without noticing (14-16 hour days). I'm crazy hyper, and during these times are when I express my opinions (usually at work) and piss a lot of people off. These phases are also usually when I actually go out to meet people and/or hookup with women. When I feel like this is usually when I quit a job without considering I have no savings, or how hard it might be to get a new job quick. I day dream about a life outside of software, living in the wild and by myself. I never put 2 and 2 together, but following these super productive weeks is usually a hard swing into depression - the kind where I can barely work at all, and really struggle to get out of bed, take care of my kids, eat, or shower. The downswing into depression usually lasts much longer than the upswing where I feel wonderful, or at least it feels that way. And the entire time I'm wishing I could feel good again like I did the week before when I had no problems working or taking care of myself.
Someone here mentioned a daily mood diary - that's a brilliant idea! I'm going to start tracking my moods and see if I can graph a pattern out of them, or at least be able to tell when swings are coming so I can be prepared for them. I have really bad anxiety, and the constant back and forth really takes its toll on me, which deepens my depression to the point where I've thought about ending it all, but haven't because I have children that need me - but every now and then for 1/4 of a second a quick fantasy of dying will fly through my mind when I'm at a location where it's actually possible to do so - for example hiking to the top of a mountain not but a few weeks ago, taking in the view, and for a brief moment had the urge to just jump off the side onto the rocks below. It scared the shit out of me!
Up until reading the comments here, I didn't realize that when I feel "normal"/not depressed, it might actually be a mania swing. I feel great, like happy for no reason, I work extended hours without noticing (14-16 hour days). I'm crazy hyper, and during these times are when I express my opinions (usually at work) and piss a lot of people off. These phases are also usually when I actually go out to meet people and/or hookup with women. When I feel like this is usually when I quit a job without considering I have no savings, or how hard it might be to get a new job quick. I day dream about a life outside of software, living in the wild and by myself. I never put 2 and 2 together, but following these super productive weeks is usually a hard swing into depression - the kind where I can barely work at all, and really struggle to get out of bed, take care of my kids, eat, or shower. The downswing into depression usually lasts much longer than the upswing where I feel wonderful, or at least it feels that way. And the entire time I'm wishing I could feel good again like I did the week before when I had no problems working or taking care of myself.
Someone here mentioned a daily mood diary - that's a brilliant idea! I'm going to start tracking my moods and see if I can graph a pattern out of them, or at least be able to tell when swings are coming so I can be prepared for them. I have really bad anxiety, and the constant back and forth really takes its toll on me, which deepens my depression to the point where I've thought about ending it all, but haven't because I have children that need me - but every now and then for 1/4 of a second a quick fantasy of dying will fly through my mind when I'm at a location where it's actually possible to do so - for example hiking to the top of a mountain not but a few weeks ago, taking in the view, and for a brief moment had the urge to just jump off the side onto the rocks below. It scared the shit out of me!